Back when I was young my father told me:
That I’d grow up, and I would be lonely,
But not to go, chasing Cleopatra,
Or else I’d die just another bachelor.

He said;

“Oh those pretty girls, there are so many,
Just look around you and, you’ll find plenty;
When you’re hurt and broken by a lover,
Amen, don’t worry, just find another.”

I said;

“Daddy, what if none of them love me back?
What if I’m alone, when the sky turns black?
What If all I am, ain’t what I could be?
It’s hard to find wisdom, but not misery”

He said;

“Son don’t stress, there’ll always be someone
Looking just for you. You: their only one.
And don’t ever worry about heartbreak,
The road to love; it is made of mistakes.

So, count your fingers and count your blessings,
Invite Cleopatra to your wedding.
Never love ‘til you don’t have to chase it,
But when you do, don’t you ever waste it.”

Let us leave for foreign places
Away from this city of boringly beautiful faces

For ash filled cobbled stone streets
Fields of blooded roses and golden wheat

Castles cemented in antiquity
Crumbling walls of barren cities

Abandoned cathedrals of a bygone era
Smoke filled bordello backrooms with mirrors smudged by mascara

Let us leave before the hours turn late
And I have wasted my life awaiting fate

But I grow old
And warm dreams turn cold

How stunning you look tonight
How badly I want to tell you these words I write

The stars' reflections flicker within daring eyes,
The poetics of nature linger within my fleeting guise.

Cigarette lips making me feel like I'm alright,
Begging out the best version of me tonight.

Proudly bringing this moment to it's crisis',
Free in the grasp of golden irises.

Torching the remnants of my minds manuscripts,
Warmer than the feeling I find between your hips.

Forgetting time and just thinking of you and me,
Because by morning I don't know who I'll be.

When I become a prisoner of my own indecision,
And confidence becomes subject to a hundred private derisions.

I'll pry and **** upon words that mean something,
Analyze until they're reduced to sweet nothings.

Meekly **** all traces of nerve and boldness,
Leaving only memory of a temporary indulgence.

That for you will soon hastily forget;
But I will hold as a lovely regret.

Sally why don’t you throw on that green dress?
The one hanging behind your closet doors,
The one that would always make me a mess,
The one that always makes me wish I’m yours.
 
Sally you should really go get some sleep.
I won’t recognize you next time we meet,
Every time I see you, I hear you weep;
I almost wish you didn’t taste so sweet.
 
Sally you don’t have to go run away,
I don’t know why you’ve gotta worry me,
Write me when you find somewhere dry to stay.
I’d like to find out what you want to be.
 
Sally just try to keep me in the know,
I would follow you anywhere you go.

I was sober
Until
Your hand
Grazed mine

My heart stands still,
It makes not a noise,
My spine feels a chill,
But it stands straight with poise.

"With pride," my lips proclaim,
As my feet tentatively step off the balcony,
With eyes stet straight, and liver aflame,
My mind screams as it realizes reality.

I fall into the black night,
My lungs choke, overwhelmed by air,
My arms flail, trying to take flight,
Or searching to grab onto a ledge that isn't there.

I hit the ground; my soul still awake,
For a two story fall is not enough for a life to take.

My dream: A juniper tree.
Giving shade, to you and me.
Where sin feels ever so sweet,
And our heart and thoughts roam free.

My dream: old cobblestone streets.
Where we feel no chill nor heat,
And you, my heart forever keeps
The old Parisian feat.

My dream: A chapel steep.
Ran down to Destiny’s deep
Grey eyes, that I see and weep.
For this dream, I stay asleep.

He looks at himself a sinner
With horrible thoughts.
He looks at her, an hourglass
Running out of sand.

He wishes to be the twisted sheets
That cover her body as she sleeps.  
Or an unspoken thought
Melting away on her tongue.

He’d walk on burning coals
To be a little closer to her.
Then offer his tender flesh,
His scars and all, to her

He longs to be the stars
That she sees above her at night.
And a sweet grapefruit
With skin her fingernails

Rip apart.

Every morning, the dark room.
Every morning, the wandering hands.
            
           The white linen, the black curtains.
The Golden light waiting behind them
      Silence in the air
Silence in every breath you breathe
          Every one of them is for me, I know.
            
            The white walls, the black ink.
The green leaves of the spider plant
      Sitting on top of our dresser
That you swore you’d **** within a week
          But will never wither or wilt.

          The soft touch, the strong arms.
The wandering hands, restless
      Until the find you, they always do.
So they may pull me closer to you
          As the golden light fills our bedroom.

I hung myself on the first of July.
Hung myself right atop Picacho peak,
Where hard dry desert meets infinite sky;
Off between angels’ cries and demons’ shrieks.

But louder were the caws of some near crow
Who rasped joyfully, “This is the last place,”
He smiled, “There is nowhere else to go.”
Laughing vainly ‘til tears stream’d down his face.

And flew off into a veiled oasis,
Some realm my presence was not permitted,
Where mortality was not life's basis,
And creatures rivaled gods; ne’er submitted.

Oh that region knew neither pain nor death,
But I thought none of it aft’r my last breath.

I will love you, in the Spring;
But never in the Fall.
My heart may be yours, presently,
But by dawn it will mean nothing at all.

I will love you like a sin,
That ignites a fire in my soul,
But darling you're only mine in the night,
And morning won't return the innocence you stole.

I will love you until I am condemned to Hell,
But not a second more.
My soul is yours until eternity reigns,
And it leaves to knock on Hell's door.

My Eden love for you burns so vibrantly,
But falling for you will be the Fall of me.

My love is an antique

It grows old and gains rust
Sitting on a shelf, idly gathering dust

It withers and decays
Slowly trading it's vibrant color for grey

But it will not die
It stands; crumbling before your eyes

It loses it's strength, but never it's essence
Existing for you in eternal evanescence

Moonlight pours over your skin;
                 Your eyes still closed.
In this moment
I can almost imagine your lips moving
              Up
                    And down
Telling me you don’t know what love is
And asking me if I do
                                       As if i have a clue
                     Suddenly
A new lover
                      Her deep brown eyes
                      Her hands
                      Her touch
                      Her lips
             Not yours.
I’m trying to be fearless because I know,
                             I know she wants me,
needs me, craves me.
It makes me feel handsome.
With her nails in my back I apologize
         That I don’t know if I love her or not
She pulls my face to hers and whispers
Love isn’t always roses and heart shaped boxes
Sometimes it’s a guilty conscience and scratch marks in your back.
          
                        No.
My mind goes back to you
              Your hazel eyes
              Your hands
              Your touch
              Your lips
Telling me you don’t know what love is
       And me
Wishing I said we can figure it out.

I love green eyes with specs of amber
That burn into me while I down shots of coconut liquor

I love little meaningless sins
That imprint themselves all over my skin

I love staring at the stars and midnight conversations
And feeling satisfied without giving into temptation

I love the smell of your perfume on my flannel jacket
And sitting on the hood of your car smoking Marlboro cigarettes

I love the feeling of your head rested against my chest
While we're ****** up on cheap pills and whippits to relieve our stress

I love everything that I know I'll never get back
All the memories condensed into mere flashbacks

All the good times and all the bad
Everything in the past that now drives me mad

All the "I love you"'s left unsaid
All the hangovers that made me wish I was dead

All the early morning before school coffee runs
All the petty arguments that I never won

I miss it all, desperately
And most of all I know with certainty

I miss your green eyes with specs of amber
That burnt into me while I downed shots of coconut liquor

I am not in Kansas,
I can’t stand but I am dancing
Atop table counters at the mall,
Crying out in every bathroom stall.
Razor blades take lucid shapes,
Cut it all out, but save the rage,
Compress it into a can of air;
Forget where you are and why you’re there.
Freeze my lungs and burn my lips
In the grasp of your fingers’ tips.
Arizona is slipping away
My shoulder’s ink just fades and fades,
I am not in Kansas,
I got lost off where the sunset beckons,
Oh it’s calling to me,
In between all my lost ideas.

It’s been a while since I’ve bought a dress,
Or gotten a pack of cigarettes
Then burnt them and inhaled the ashes.
Now I just see ghosts of ghosts,
And can’t recall the words I spoke
Years ago to Mallory Olson,
**** it I killed my memory.
You gave me all of your mom’s liquor,
When I started getting a little too sober;
Oh I would’ve spun so hard,
I would’ve fallen so hard,
Jumping the fence to my backyard,
I am not in Kansas,
I got lost off where the sunset beckons,
Oh it’s calling to me,
In between all my lost ideas.

The ceiling only ever danced for you,
I was just happy to have a room,
Away from my home and family,
I liked the fire more than all the trees,
They all spoke to me in prophecy,
College degrees, wives, sons and daughters,
Each day destiny’s a little farther.
I left you where I met you,
With pyrite and a tattoo;
The flowers cover over all the scars,
Darling, the flowers cover everything,
The flowers will cover over everything.
I am not in Kansas,
I got lost off where the sunset beckons,
Oh it’s calling to me,
In between all my lost ideas.

In through the nose and out through the mouth.
Over and over; repeat it ad nauseam.
Keep it up and find the way out
Breathe out Count to five out loud.
 
“One, two, three, four, five.”
Breathe in Now breathe out
Breathe out “One, two, three, four, five.”
Breathe in Now let it all out
 
“I hate that you don’t care that I’m proud of you
I hate that he loves you the way I do
I hate your good looks and reading new books
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out
I hate my mind I hate my life
I hate ever not being by your side
I hate the way you think of me
I hate my walk and I hate my talk
I hate everything I ever do
God I hate being in love with you
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out
I hate the mountains and I hate the trees
I hate doing things that make good memories
I hate the amber specs inside your iris’
I hate my lovers, every-one
I hate the *** and all the rest
I hate everything I ever do
God I hate being in love with you
I’m gonna spin out
I think I’m gonna spin out.”

What feeling do you inflict upon my lips
That ought be saved for someone else
What feeling do i invoke between your hips
That may be the root of our own hells

I saw some shadows following me last night,
Some of them must have been yours.
They all disappeared by the morning,
Running in between the cords.

I’m so desperately in love with
Everyone i grew up with,
And that’s okay with me.
The shadows always come back to me.

Heavens gates are open but i stay grounded,
I’d ask for prayers but i don’t think that
No one here thinks much of me anyway.
I can still see the shadows anyway.

They’re running in between the cords.
Some of them have gotta be yours.

Your eyes burn through the cold
                           And me
They wander like
                                They’re lost
And a little scared
                   Looking for something
                                                         Familiar
     To hold on to
                                             Until they find
A pair of strong arms
Loosely attached
                                to a weak man.

Hypocrite I am, I want you to go further
I want you
              confident
I want you
              To tighten your grip ever so slightly
I want you
              To want to be with me alone
Somewhere with dimmed lights
And silence in the air between us

You’ll have me with a few whispered words
Or if you pulled yourself any closer to me
                      Hypocrite I am,
I’ll just lead you there.
                                       You make the call
          If all you want can be found in
A pair of strong arms
Loosely attached
                                to a weak man

The past’s mistakes do not go on gently,
They bask in desire and superstition.
So i mourn old memories turned deadly,
That still compound now with repetition.

My Sins are never truly repented.
They surface each day, with new renditions;
Only to be instantly lamented,
But regret submits to repetition.

Lust and greed and especially vanity,
All fated for contentment’s demolition,
All that I’ve loved is lost so damnably,
Through the wickedness of repetition.

All these words are merely an admission,
For action—still follows repetition.

With the pale cracked mouth of a saint you spoke
In patterns; like all my favorite prayers,
Ave Maria, Our Father, so on.
Pray, pray, the old forbidden question.

Au revoir! Scene!

A half burnt cigarette lands at my feet.
Oh what’s it all mean? What is it to me?
The old Manhattan Opera is all filled
Up with those glowing pretty faces I love

Perfume and cologne, fur coats and bow ties.
The cool night rain douses the red embers,
I look up from it before i miss them;
The apparitions could disappear soon.

Any second! At a moments notice!
I could lose every single one of them,
And their glory, and their beauty, all gone.
Oh, but I pray, what would it be to me?

In the blink of an eye they could be light
Years away, and what would that be to me?

You aren't my first
Passion is rotten
Leaving only thirst
And memories to be easily forgotten

When I look you in the eye
And tell you I love you
I pray you never ask me why
Leaving me to respond, "Comfort, complacency, and satisfaction too."

How boring is loving you
How wasted is our time spent together
Do you ever wonder if your feelings aren't true?
That maybe you don't want me to be your forever?

But alas, we can pretend
That our love deserves to be serenaded by church bells
And that we'll be star crossed lovers until life's end
And that I'm not reading you love poems I wrote for someone else

I've found truth in lies
As I've grown older
Fire dies
When it meets reality's cold shoulder
I told myself I fell in love that night
When your face was covered by the black
But words shined light
And some of them I wouldn't take back
But others were sin
Especially those three
That hid behind a tragic grin
Shrouded in fatal hyperbole
Time has passed and passion is dead
And I wish I had meant those words I left unsaid

The cluttered old shelves, always dusty
Hung through Merlot red wallpaper
With little tears in it, adorned
By faint outlines of broken hearts.
Little pretty things.
All with handwritten price tags,
All asking you to bleed.
Dead roses and heart shaped boxes.
Emerald necklaces, diamond rings.
Slender books filled with sappy poetry.
Snow-globes capturing old memories.
Your favorite sweater she never gave back.
(You never asked)
The photographs you threw away.
(You never forgot)
Glass shards from broken liquor bottles.
Everything in the Emporium of Misplaced Lovers
Yours, for blood from your broken heart.

I have heard the war drums approach,
On the borders of angry states,
Where lesser men dare not encroach;
And strong men meet untimely fates.

"In what time and in which manner?"
They come in random intervals.
"For what cause and for who's banner?"
A dead issue to disposed souls.

I have seen blood wet two lands soil,
And dry to a patriot stain,
But when old blood is set to boil;
Young blood returns to spill again!

Lovely thoughts hide behind green eyes,
War and poetry consume your mind,
And to your lips they bring forth words so wise,
And with beauty unrivaled by any poet I may find.

How loving a heart you possess,
Spewing the blood of passion by fire,
Creating emotions always felt in excess,
Trapped in the rubble of broken glass and barbed wire.

But when our lips touch I hope your mind and heart are at rest,
The mind's thoughts cease to allow the moment to be,
The hearts turmoil is replaced by fire within your breast,
And through green eyes I am all that you see.

But when you leave this earth, your soul set free,
I hope you leave your mind to science, and your heart to me.

You walk in the room and I lose my head,
Walk in the room and you run through my mind.
Some spoken words, a smile, my face turns red,
My courage, my voice, I never find.

What beauty with which you are inflicted,
Such that, by you, my dreams may be wrecked,
Their enduring secrecy, insisted,
My thoughts and feelings, you’ll never suspect.

All this to you, my beloved’s beloved;
My own Maud Gonne’s John Macbride, to I, Yeats,
What contrary roles are we behooved,
I, the ground she walks, you, her heavens’ gates.

Such looks, such passion, more than I could be.
I hold no ill-will, no scorn, just envy.

You might just be too much
Or maybe i’m just not enough
And that’s why I’m anxious from your touch
It’s just that it feels way too rough

You’ve got your intentions written out in red
From your hand pressed firmly above my knee
Crushing down against me like it’s made of led
It’s terrifying, but God your lips taste so heavenly

Sweeter than the shots of honey whiskey
That are keeping my mind from running away
And making my heart feel far too risky
Because if I wasn’t ****** up I wouldn’t convince myself to stay

But I’ll let you take me by the hand
And lead me down this long dizzying hall
Into your bedroom for this soon to be forgotten one night stand
And in the morning I’ll have to remind myself that it meant nothing at all

Watching Ridle Baku takes me back
To cobblestone streets
Strangers speaking in mysterious, angry accents
Asking, “bist du Amerikaner?”
Ja.
A few blocks separated us,
A chain and barbed wire fence
And MP’s wielding machine guns
But on Saturday’s my parents took me out to the market
And I wonder if we ever passed by each other
Two children in the same city
The city was yours, is yours.
I was just a tenant.
Standing in ancient shadows.
I never knew Arizona didn’t have castles
Until I left, and I missed them.
I got a Mainz 05 scarf when I was 18.
A year before I watched you play for them,
And score against Leipzig.
And the city cheered.
Your city cheered.
And all at once I realized how much I loved Mainz
And how badly I wanted to call Mainz home.
How badly I wanted the city I grew up in to feel like home.

Try, try, I try with all my might,
For years, years, for years I fight,
To love you how I think I ought,
Again, again, beneath starlight.

What passion has such moments brought:
Not spoken--but often thought,
From time, reaching that crisis,
Others, that progression is fought.

Such nights, so warm and desirous,
I find my lost, ancient virus,
Deep in those golden irises,
Lost in those golden irises.

I hope she has your hazel eyes
That glisten with wonder under the moon and the night sky

I hope she has your smile
That makes all the tears seem worthwhile

I hope she has all your dreams and your aspirations
And that when I’m with her I feel a familiar sensation

I hope she tastes like cherry cola against my lips
And that it feels like I’m holding the world in my palms when my hands are on her hips

I hope she isn’t afraid of anything except loneliness and the dark
And is a perfect reflection of you, down to every curve and birthmark

Because I know you’ll never again say you love me too
So, I’m willing to settle for someone else, if they’re just like you

I've been living in the walls,
Present but not known,
Watching the rises and the falls,
Of lives more interesting than my own.

How lovely life seems,
How beautiful are these faces,
How well do they hide their cries and screams,
That they confide in me, concealed in my secret hiding places.

Can they feel me here?
Do they hear my breath behind this thin white plaster?
Or when I join them in shedding tears?
But I keep quiet, averting disaster.

One day, hidden in these walls, I will die,
And they will find my body and drag it away,
Bury me in some hole without saying goodbye,
But if my soul survives... in my memory they will stay.

Always the harp strung out.
              Always the cactus deserted.

All you wanted was something definitive.
I cant blame you
            For looking past little words
That weren’t even said to your face.
         You look beautiful tonight,
But that’s nothing new.
          Face to face,
I wonder what pattern of words and
                                  Looks
            Could make every inch of you mine.

My heart: a lone oak tree.

All I wanted was the world
                                               But I’d settle for Asher, Arizona, with you.
              In complete honestly
There’s not much difference between the two.
Love in the desert, love in the mountains
Love in my arms, love in the Pacific,
                    Love in my passenger seat
Love on stage
           Love walking away in my headlights.
                
                  “Love loves to love love.”

Hello, Love
I’m sorry my smiles a bit crooked,
          I’m sorry I’m looking at you like this,
                    I’m sorry I had to go and ruin,    
              everything by saying it all out loud.

Here’s the part where an anxious 20 year old sends the
exact right text message at the exact right
               Time:
Hello darling, I can’t wait for you
                    To come home for the weekend
So we can make strawberry cake
        And fall on my kitchen floor laughing
Spilling bottles of cheap wine
            While I finally draw the words I
    Desperately
Have always wanted to here from you
                        And return them in kind

I’m sorry about all that.
                   If you’d like
                        We can forget about all that
            And get matching tattoos
In the morning before you leave.
                   If you’d like              
  We can pretend it’s all so simple.

                                And
I’m sorry if I ****** you
                              Even if it is intentional.
Here’s the part where I forget all my apologies:
I grab you by the waist and
     Tickle you
                    Because I know
You’ll fall into me laughing
           And rest your head on my chest
And when you look up
                     I’ll be there to kiss you
And take you away to dark rooms
     With confident hands
Bad intentions
                               And the crazed euphoria
Of feeling your skin against mine.

I wake up to
                                      Another
Golden morning.
Stand up,
                 Stretch my arms,
                                                Brush my teeth
And walk in a perfect circle
Wondering where I’ll end up
                                This time.

A rat gnaws on my brain until
A million or so tiny words
                                          Bleed out of it
                                          But,
They all just read about
                  Terrible
                                         Boring
        Things
About
  The lacerated seams in my skin
That separate all of this
And all of that

Through this
                                 I picture you
Looking at me and saying
“I’m so incredibly lucky for you to be in love with me”
               Do you ever think that?
Mentally, I’m slaying dragons for you.
                         Physically,
Im placing my hand on your back
Hoping you don’t think it’s a bit much

            The bare naked truth is
                                             You terrify me.
But in an okay way
     Like
              Skydiving,
                                 Or learning how to drive
It all could be over in 5 minutes
But it’s a thrill,
    
       You make me feel like a real person

But I want more than that
       I want you
To make a frame with your hands
        And put my face in it
             Then call me your masterpiece
Be a perfectionist,
                                           Perfect me

We’ve been on the edge before
Together
                          Probably 50 or so times
Where I nearly traced over your curves
                         And edges
With trembling fingers
           Terrified
And surprised you don’t pull away    
                                    completely.
Before we lose our nerve

And then I write about
                            Walking in circles  
Or some dumb metaphor
                              About
Scarred skin
                       And hope that you can relate.

My eyes will grow red,
Strained to hell,
Looking for that familiar thread,
To lead me back under your spell,

Tell me I love you,
And that you're all I need,
And my inventions I find in empty bottles are true,
Then choose any artery in my body; and watch it bleed,

Save me, even if it's just for a night,
Sin will suffocate me as I stare into my reflection in your eyes,
That look through me as they burn and ignite
The love I proclaim; which is but lust in disguise,

My eyes will grow redder than the blood I bleed,
As I am informed I love you, and I concede.

Eyes so icy; like the heart of her mother,
Burning the air; and matched by another’s,
But that’s fine,
The feelings divine,
I like how it hurts once in a while.

A smile and a few words could melt me down,
Just a puddle for her to walk through on the ground;
And that’s alright,
She’s such a sight,
I can ignore all the lies.

Throw away the makeup and perfume,
And she can still steal any room.
She’s perfect,
I’m an addict,
I get my fix some of the time.

Idyllic dreams of untold Rome’s and Paris’
Caught in the constellations of slashed wrists;
She’s shattered.
I’m enamored.
This girl with be the death of me.

Jenny it’s getting dark and
             I should really be getting home,
                                                But I’m in New York City,
And I’m drunk,
And I don’t know what I should be doing with my hands but
I wish I could hold you in them.
Just so I’d know what to do with my hands.
And they wouldn’t feel so weighted,
        And there’d be something in my palms
To keep them from balling into fists.
         I wonder if you were here
If you’d even see me at all;
Now that I’m such a New Yorker.
          And do all these things I’d like to say I hate
But love.
        Irreverently.
                       Passionately.
                               Painfully.
I’m not not myself.
        On the contrary actually.
  I’ve just finally discovered the tools necessary
To make me who I’ve always been.
  I was not who I was.
And you were not who I thought you were.
Or maybe you were.
                     Who am I to say.
I’m just a man you never knew who is deeply, foolishly, and                   completely irresponsibly in love with you.
And who wishes you were here
So he could hold you
And keep his hands from balling into fists.

You bared your bleeding heart,
I couldn’t stop from falling hard;
Falling away... and I wish I could forget
All these visions that still fill up my head.
 
You look like my favorite sin.
Headlights on you, they never dim
Shining bright, waiting on a curtain call;
Walk away, maybe I won’t overthink this all.
 
I owe you so many thoughts I keep all to myself.
Can’t believe this is too good for my health;
You didn’t see how I died at the foot of your grace;
Call me a martyr with a cause gone to waste.
 
If I could relent to my old stubborn ways,
I’d again love to die by your grace.

Pouring through an hourglass; she’s always “‘in love.’”
I look at her and see some of the stars I lost—years ago.
I never believe a feeling or a word she says,
But that’s nothing new.
I sit up before it all feels too familiar.
There’s a soliloquy of mine floating around,
I can’t quite catch it; I wouldn’t know what to do if I did.
The moment’s crisis is all but lost on me.
My ****** ego and pretentiousness.
I go home to forget any of it ever happened,
And I spell out “lust” where I mean “love.”

You are where you’ll always be
Laying silent in the crawl spaces of my mind
With hands filled with dirt and crushed pebbles
Eyes closed and that ****** bleeding smile
Basking in the glory of your own destruction

Around street corners,
On dimly lit sidewalks,
She’ll come back to you.

As a burnt cigarette drops at your feet,
And you let out your last warm gasp of nicotine,
She’ll come back to you.

As you feel the cold on your bare cheeks,
And zip your sweater all the way up,
She’ll come back to you

Outside the liquor store on 8th street,
With a brown bag in one hand,
She’ll come back to you.

As she takes your other hand in hers,
And burns through you with her smile,
She’ll come back to you.

With warm brown eyes that feel like home,
And skin you could melt into at any second,
She’ll come back to you.

With her kiss,
And her sweet red lips,
She’ll come back to you.

When your head hits the pillow,
And your mind looks for its favorite story,
She’ll come back to you.

In the night.
In your dreams.
She’ll come back to you.

With arms around you I make love to myself.
Outside the leaves are changing with the ode of Autumn,
And the rain sings my favorite grey old song,
But I don’t think it sings for me.
You look up at me as if this all means anything,
While I hate everything i do to you,
And I will not tell you my name,
But I don’t think you’d care to know it.
You’ll be done with whatever this is soon enough.
Our ****** vignette of nothingness.
You put your nails in my back like you’re supposed to,
I kiss your neck as I imagine I probably should.
We act out love like the marionettes we are,
But we will garner no applause.

Row by row and row by row,
Marching too and then marching fro,
The Ancient saints, gone—gone—gone,
Into the sea’s most violent throws.

Brothers and sisters look on,
To the bare grey of the new dawn,
To however this sets them free.
Waves pull the pelican and swan,

Down into antiquity.
No tears cried, no lost sympathy.
Mary, the Lord is with thee.
Hail Mary, the Lord is with thee.

My eyes did not open this morning,
But that's okay, my bed is warming.
A hornet's nest is hanging above me,
But that's alright, it's just a warning

Of good feelings cuz they're never free.
Broke the mirror cuz I don't like what I see;
Knuckles scab and my tongue is flayed,
Hurts so bad but the pain is heavenly.

Oh darling what of that floor you laid?
What of all the debts that were left unpaid?
All the times I promised I'd be alright,
But I'm still ****** up and I wish I'd stayed.

Yeah baby that's okay, baby, that's alright,
I'm cold but my rooms filled with golden light.
I can't see it with my eyes stitched so tight,
Oh but that's okay baby; cuz I think I feel alright.