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116 · Sep 2019
Crawl Space
Tyler Sep 2019
You are where you’ll always be
Laying silent in the crawl spaces of my mind
With hands filled with dirt and crushed pebbles
Eyes closed and that ****** bleeding smile
Basking in the glory of your own destruction
115 · Jan 2023
Short Poem
Tyler Jan 2023
Inside your head you hear crickets.
You wake up and see the stars,
And feel leather
                                   and fear.
That’s all for now
Later is the part we rip each other apart
Figuratively,
                            of course.
109 · Jun 2019
She
Tyler Jun 2019
She
Eyes so icy; like the heart of her mother,
Burning the air; and matched by another’s,
But that’s fine,
The feelings divine,
I like how it hurts once in a while.

A smile and a few words could melt me down,
Just a puddle for her to walk through on the ground;
And that’s alright,
She’s such a sight,
I can ignore all the lies.

Throw away the makeup and perfume,
And she can still steal any room.
She’s perfect,
I’m an addict,
I get my fix some of the time.

Idyllic dreams of untold Rome’s and Paris’
Caught in the constellations of slashed wrists;
She’s shattered.
I’m enamored.
This girl with be the death of me.
107 · Mar 2022
Our Bedroom
Tyler Mar 2022
Golden light pours onto us
Like a baptism by dawn
This moment always feels holy
And I can hear Church bells ringing
But they haven’t woken you.
                     Thankfully.
Because the world is still now
Nothing matters but this.
And I can just gaze at you
In wonderment, in enchantment
Like a holy shrine
Blessed to everyone near you,
But still only mine.

When you wake up we’ll leave this place
Find Jacques or Pierre at the Cafe
He will already know our order
It will be the same as every other morning
I’ll read a newspaper
                   And say
real smart stuff about the economy,
Or war in the Middle East,
And hope you’re impressed,
And crack a joke here and there
So I can see your smile and hear you laugh.
I can’t see anything past that      
From lying here in our bedroom.

Beneath our window
On cobblestone streets
People are speaking French
We may never understand them,
But when we walk those streets,
                        We know.
They’re talking about
How beautiful we are
And of course how American too.
We’ll never fit in, but that’s okay
Because Paris is ours anyway
I see it when I look in your eyes
And nowhere’s ever felt more like home.
102 · Mar 2022
🥴
Tyler Mar 2022
The sun won’t fall
                                 As I chase you
Around Penrose stairs
                                 I’ve almost got you
Almost all caught up
                                 And in the clear
I can almost touch
                                 Your beautiful face
And I think to myself
                                “Am I ready for this?”
102 · Jan 2021
Bridges
Tyler Jan 2021
I became what I once hoped you wanted
Through years passed, years dead, and gone but not forgotten
With paintings of you dried like ink on skin
Through memories pondered, missed, and aged but not rotten

I never jumped off bridges except when i did for you
But still never enough to force moments to their crises
Never enough to satisfy, never enough to understand
But enough to never forget those ****** irises

A funny thought is, they never had a color to me
They were just what they were
Heavens gates couldn’t be so lovely
My world was those eyes, the rest was a blur

A funny thought is, that I am content
Finally understanding what it all meant
101 · Mar 2019
Alright
Tyler Mar 2019
My eyes did not open this morning,
But that's okay, my bed is warming.
A hornet's nest is hanging above me,
But that's alright, it's just a warning

Of good feelings cuz they're never free.
Broke the mirror cuz I don't like what I see;
Knuckles scab and my tongue is flayed,
Hurts so bad but the pain is heavenly.

Oh darling what of that floor you laid?
What of all the debts that were left unpaid?
All the times I promised I'd be alright,
But I'm still ****** up and I wish I'd stayed.

Yeah baby that's okay, baby, that's alright,
I'm cold but my rooms filled with golden light.
I can't see it with my eyes stitched so tight,
Oh but that's okay baby; cuz I think I feel alright.
99 · Jul 2021
Walking Through Paris
Tyler Jul 2021
Looking into storefront windows
I see your silhouette
Always next to me, facing me
And if I could make out the picture
A little clearer
And you weren’t just a shadow
I know
You’d have that same **** sad look
That always gets me
And I’d ask you
“Are we still not done with all this?”
97 · Feb 2022
August 14th
Tyler Feb 2022
It’s August 14th and I am thinking of you.
As the Summer’s monsoon breathes
It’s final breath, and ceases.
I will see it again, and I will see you.

But I’ll have changed a million times
I’ll color over tattoos that remind me of you.
Changed my name, my frame,
And forget if you care at all.

Maybe you do. I know you did.
I can still feel your head resting on my chest.
All our memories are salt to my bleeding flesh
Because of overthinking and insecurity.

Because I would’ve called you,
If I thought you were ever home.
Came over,
If I thought you were Alone,
Took you as mine
If only I had known.
96 · Mar 2021
All the Rest
Tyler Mar 2021
You’ll **** yourself up, you will, you know it.
Staring at paintings of purple women,
Through indifferent eyes; flames will be lit
Just so you may feel something. And what then?

You, you, you, and the cross you say you bear.
Not nailed, but rather tied, fettered, and bound
To the wood by splintered brown and blonde hair,
Severing with a cracking, moaning sound.

Love is written large across your stomach; 
Not your heart, not your lips, nowhere it should.
Nowhere protected from the candle’s wick.
Nowhere it can turn into something good.

When it’s time, find bravery in your chest.
Do not fight it, just burn with all the rest.
95 · Jul 2020
About a Stranger
Tyler Jul 2020
You were a stranger,
And I loved you before I knew you,
But it was a conditioned love.
For if you didn’t look like you did,
Or talk like you did,
Or think like you did,
I wouldn’t have loved you at all.
If you were nothing like how you were,
I would have never loved you.
So it was a conditioned love,
And you were passive about it all.
It wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t help who you were.
But you never stopped it.
You let it fester,
And let me burn for you with
Love and lust until the two became one,
And it became all I was.
The air I breathed was for you.
So I burnt and you watched,
Or maybe you didn’t,
Maybe it was too terrible to see.
All I know is that you’re covered in my ashes,
And you look stunning in grey.
95 · Jul 2021
Southern Arizona Poem
Tyler Jul 2021
My chest is made of copper
Like all fourth generation Arizonans.
Strong, sturdy, homegrown.
Like every ancient thirsting saguaro
That 18 year old Scottsdalers watch
Flying by their car passenger window
In mid-August, going to Tucson,
The ***** T. Baja, U.S.A.
To experiment with bisexuality
And pursue a liberal arts degree.
Tyler Nov 2019
They are marching in Warsaw,
Through their wind and their snow,
With their banners and their anthems,
And their God and their crucifixes.

They are marching in Warsaw,
Scared and proud,
Strong and powerless,
Loving and enraged.

They are marching in Warsaw,
With thundering footsteps,
That’s clapping fades into the sad,
Sad hums of something destined to be lost.

They are marching in Warsaw.
In vain. In vain.
91 · Mar 2021
Over and over
Tyler Mar 2021
Blood was running down my spine and
All I could think of was if you
would think more of me for this. And
Would you slowly run your fingers
Over my delicate raised wound,
Over and over and over.

I don’t believe anyone that says
They “like” the feeling of getting
tattooed. Feeling the needle dig
Remorselessly into your skin.
Again and again, rapidly,
But seemingly completely at
Ease—confident, collected, cool.
And then there’s the anxiety.
The ******* endless anxiety
Of change. Irrevocable change that
Voluntary scarring and a
Set rate of one hundred dollars
Per hour for a C-rate tattoo
Artist who smells strongly of ****.
And I hate ****, all it does is
Make me anxious. Just like change, and
Like every time I get another
Tattoo. But I did this on a
Whim, without thought of pain or angst.

I had blood running down my spine
Just so you might want to see it,
And maybe think more of me, and
Maybe run your fingers slowly
Over my delicate raised wound
Over and over and over .
90 · Mar 2022
Shut Door
Tyler Mar 2022
I said it in moments of crisis,
But never when you wished or wanted.
Always to your shut door.
Admittedly, never looking into your irises.

I will always think of the things I lack.
Always wonder if you felt anything at all.
Always wonder what you thought.
Those times you didn’t say it back.
89 · Feb 2022
a moment
Tyler Feb 2022
Just like that, everything was still.
My blood ran cold. Air trapped itself in my lungs.
Bursting forward but stopped by some
Force within me. My numb lips grew warm.

(Then hot.
It was all so familiar.)

And for a moment there was time.
Time for you
And time for me
Time to hear words spill out from your lips

(Like sweet honey
And maraschino cherries.)

Time for miracles,
Time for horrors,
Time for a thousand more “I’m sorry’s”
And a thousand “You know I ******* loved you.”’s

(To think “plans change a lot.”
We have that written in ink.)

Time for Parisian flats
For golden morning light pouring through windows,
And typewriters,
And a cup of coffee growing cold.

(I’ll come to where you are
Alone in the quiet light)

Just like that, the moment was passed.
Time was up.
I could breathe.
My lips were numb again.

(And I was happy. You were happy.
We were happy.)
87 · Jun 2020
Charles’ Poem
Tyler Jun 2020
Charles you’re looking pale
And your fingers are curved
And clenched, and cold, and light
They feel like a chill around my throat
You should really get some rest
Or maybe drink some wine
You oppress me with your conversation
And I never know what to say when you’re like this
Hit me, Charles.
I want you to hit me.
Maybe one of us would feel something if you did
Maybe we could live a little
Because this isn’t life, Charles
This is Hell
And you started the fire
And I hold the keys to every room
82 · Mar 2022
Mirrors
Tyler Mar 2022
Youll **** your self up
If your folks didn’t already
Staring into mirrors
Like they’re another universe
Frozen in the cosmic horror
Of you and everything you are
Hour after hour.
A stubborn *******
With a mind full of bees.
But you’ll find ways
To look at the ceiling
As you put on mascara
And focus on the background
As you paint your lips red.
Excuse yourself when Grandma
Pulls out the family photo album.
And time will not wait
The earth will turn
Dynasties will end
Wars will be fought
Your sister will move out
Grandma will die.
And you’ll never really see any of it
As long as you just stare into mirrors
Through bloodshot eyes
And don’t learn you don’t always
Need to just
Tear yourself open
And bleed everywhere
79 · Dec 2020
About a Parade
Tyler Dec 2020
There’s a ticker tape parade on 7th street
And I’m contemplating the life and times of James Joyce. That’s my scene. In another a beautiful woman is staring in the mirror; Inquisitive as she is, she ponders the pros and cons of having her nose touched up. She’ll never make up her mind, but time will for her. “I should have been a pair of ragged claws.” Joyce says, to which I reply, “What the ****?” I like to get into fights. On 7th street a child is riding on his fathers shoulders, smiling, without any knowledge of the ions of death destruction and oppression which humanity has toiled through in the midst of patriarchal norms and bourgeois practices of power and control that have led up to that moment in which he laughs as a float with a Lockheed Martin logo passes by. I envy him. Why yes, I do attend a liberal arts college.
78 · Nov 2020
Word by Word
Tyler Nov 2020
The bitter cold snarls and bares it’s teeth,
With a clenched jaw and fingers tightly wrapped
Around a secret but known hidden sheath.
Bravely but terribly gazing into the dark.
I’ve seen it day and seen it night.
Seen it in reflections of paintings and in men
Of a terrible manner; men of a hideous nature.
Seen it in questions asked of “where” and “when.”
Seen it brush against the tips of my fingers,
But too far off to grasp or possess.
Too far off to hear my whisper, “I beg you, yes.”

Seven rows of dreams deferred.
Seven more scolded and deterred.
Seven last better left unheard.

And so I’ve heard their cries
From time to time, and seen
Their looks; entertained their lies,
And they were always filled with mercy.
Kindness, sympathy, pity, and some shame,
And I would admit that that being that is best.
For if the scene were to reach its crescendo,
If questions were asked, answered and put to rest.
Then where would we go from there?
To a thousand simple thoughts,
A hint of passion, a little wit,
To the blackest crevice of a burrowed pit

Seven rows of dreams deferred.
Seven more scolded and deterred.
Seven last better left unheard.

Hopefully, soon, you will forget my name,
The tyranny of courteous chains, relinquished.
Broken, buried, but survived by shame,
And wouldnt that be what’s best?
And would you notice?
How I sink into defeat,
As a thousand thoughts replace a thousand more;
Of how you’ll see my little retreat.
And will you see past the space in my eyes?
Seven galaxies between you and me.
Filled with lines crossed, broken, and blurred,
Laid out neatly before us, word by word.

Seven rows of dreams deferred.
Seven more scolded and deterred.
Seven last better left unheard.
74 · Dec 2021
Truly Yours
Tyler Dec 2021
Nights of passion, nights of regret
They’re the same for me
Better than nights wasted thinking
Thinking of a moment, a second
A second to force the moment to its crisis
A second to relive memories that haunt
Like a specter passing by
A second to be torn apart
By your nails in my back
And lips against my neck
A second to burn
Like pomegranate *****
With no chaser
And be yours
Truly yours
71 · Mar 2020
To Be Plain
Tyler Mar 2020
A Tequila Sunrise
at the Roadhouse.
A warm cup of coffee
with cinnamon sprinkled in.

I begin my dissertation on Ted Berrigans Sonnet 2.
A piece of my soul.
Although I am not 18 and my hands hardly shake anymore,
And I absolutely do not in fact know better.

The wind is angry tonight.
Conquering the dark with its horrible howls.
But it will not prevail against these walls,
That stand around this little Eden.

A bed, a candle, some stillness and calm;
I need nothing more than these things.
This is love—to be plain.
This is all love has ever been—to be plain.

Graceful.
Is what I strive for.
Graceful.
Is the feeling of holding Venus in my arms.
63 · Jan 2
2006
Tyler Jan 2
Pouring through an hourglass.
                                   I know where this leads.
A new scene where I paint the picture of confidence.
Standing tall.
                        Head high.
                                            Eyes ahead.
A strong voice with carefully chosen words.
It’s important to me that you notice this.
There are things you think you’ll never say.
There are things I could do but only think.
So you smile at me and I smile back.
And that’s enough.

Time’s up.

Open the flood gates!
                 You can’t be happy here anymore.

“You can’t get there from here.” Said a man in a white shirt
“You can’t get there from here.” Said a girl I don’t want to destroy.
Cut that scene. There’s no beauty in it.
Cut to a room that’s empty but doesn’t have to be.
A dream of you and me. Then only you and me.
These, our bodies, honey sweet.
You look at my arms and wish you could live in them.
I look into your eyes and am afraid.
Because I want to melt into linen with you.
Shatter and tarnish porcelain.
Okay fine, I might destroy you.
But I’ll bleed for this too,
And I’ll show you my scars
So you can press your lips against them.
Tell me that all this
                           and the fire too
                                                will be worth it.
Tell me if it comes crashing down we’ll never get over it.
31 · 2d
CS
Tyler 2d
CS
Always the Long Hall
Always the thousand pretty and ugly words
               That all just amount to desperation.

On moment you’re young and beautiful and desired and filled with genuine, unironic, honest to God love.

The next you are standing alone,
               bathed in the pale fluorescent light
      
And you are tired.

— The End —