I forgot all about the past
it may have hidden from me
or did it just tuck away
in a place I couldn't see

Either it took up too much space
or I didn't want to see it
Was it too painful or raw
maybe it just didn't fit

I'm sure I didn't need it
so it's perfectly okay
if it had been worth it
I think it would have stayed

I'll continue without the memory
the memory of me and you
I can't remember if it happened
I'll never even know if it was true

I dream even when I'm awake
My eyes play tricks on me and I see you in the dark
Your hands cast sickly shadows against my skin
Where I hate to feel you again.
Your body is cold because you don't exist
I made you up inside my head
Three years caught in a waking dream
Three years spent means nothing
My loss your gain
My heart tells me that you did exist
It reminds me everyday but then,
This is where I hate to feel you again.
I have memories of you that seem untrue
You used to smile and hold me, tell me I'm okay!
Whose dream was that?
When I turn the light on please disappear
You never do, because you are real
The nausea in my stomach
The pain in my head
The lump in my throat
The ache that radiates in my chest
This is where I hate to feel you again.

Engaged in meaningful conversations
Intertwined in chaos and revolutions
Happiness has left me
And this sadness has conquered my soul
Threw up in my lane of no return
Continuing this journey with bullets in my heart
Is like aching for love and holding back
Victory isn't common, winning is abhorred
Create moves to make moves
Positive vibrations leads to aroused lights
I am trying.
I promise.
And if I complain let me live in vain
Cause I only have one life for this fame.

~

Sad Existence


It is a sad existence, that of a poet
with flowery phrases and disguised meanings
Tossing out happy faces like quarters
splashing in a wishing well with no bottom

Painting heartstrings in an amber shade of gold
lingering silver linings losing their crease
in frayed bottomed hip huggers
that are long out of style

Swishing fragrant melodies on starch white paper
collecting lines in neat rows and margin’d desires
lips fluttering and eyelashes batting
well below the league's average

Whispering notions of sheer delight,
tantalizing rapid pulses pushing blood
through narrow corridors finding
locked garden entrances in chained Jasmine

Dreaming dreams that only a dreamer could dream
all the while knowing that when they awaken
pen in hand, ink at the ready
these dreams shall never come true

It is a sad existence, that of a poet…who believes their own dreams

Today I am two days of unwashed hair
I am the comfort of the couch without pillows
I am the floorboards holding sunlight
I am fuzzy teeth and white lies
I am the carpet that needs vacuuming
I am my mother in the garden,
And my father working downstairs,
I am the sunburn on my chest,
Like the heart on my sleeve,
Born from foolishness instead of courage

You followed sweet temptation over the edge
into the dark, warm water.
You tried to climb my body to save yourself.
Even once you had been lifted out,
damp and shaking and frightened
you swooped down
on that bloated, abandoned mass
of oatmeal and raisins
and gulped it down with the frantic abandon
of a dog that has just ****** in the face of death.

Lento

You'll bare your bones you'll grow you'll pray you'll only know
When the light appears, boy, when the light appears
You'll sing & you'll love you'll praise blue heavens above
When the light appears, boy, when the light appears
You'll whimper & you'll cry you'll get yourself sick and sigh
You'll sleep & you'll dream you'll only know what you mean
When the light appears, boy, when the light appears
You'll come & you'll go, you'll wander to and fro
You'll go home in despair you'll wonder why'd you care
You'll stammer & you'll lie you'll ask everybody why
You'll cough and you'll pout you'll kick your toe with gout
You'll jump you'll shout you'll knock you're friends about
You'll bawl and you'll deny & announce your eyes are dry
You'll roll and you'll rock you'll show your big hard ****
You'll love and you'll grieve & one day you'll come believe
As you whistle & you smile the lord made you worthwhile
You'll preach and you'll glide on the pulpit in your pride
Sneak & slide across the stage like a river in high tide
You'll come fast or come on slow just the same you'll never know
When the light appears, boy, when the light appears

                                        May 3, 1987, 2:30 AM

Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it - our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal -
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.

Pinned by the sun between solstice
And equinox, drowsy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.