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 Aug 2019 tree
AJ
i was 12 years old, and i had two best friends
i didn't know i'd lose both before middle school came to an end
just trying to get by, and i wanted a little attention
didn't think there was anything wrong with a little affection
but they told me two girls kissing ain't a part of god's plan
maybe it was time i started looking for a young man

still 12 years old, and i had a bigger circle of friends
we were singing pop songs, and following trends
i didn't know the first person, i'd spill my biggest secret to
would be a person that i hardly even knew
from that moment on, she became the one i trusted most
without her, i'd have surely been toast
she told me i was fine, there was nothing wrong with me
i had absolutely no idea what would come to be

a little later the same year, i sat in a room
your best friend's couch shouldn't feel like a tomb
but despite all of her good christian girl ways
she never tried to tell me that it was a phase
and despite our talk, she still let me sleep in her bed
but the idea of talking to her sister, still filled me with dread

the two sisters loved me, so i thought maybe i'd be okay
the first one still adored me, but the other sent me away
she refused to hug me, and wouldn't dare come near
the idea of "catching the gay" filled her with fear
she didn't understand what her best friend became
there was nothing to be sorry for, but i still took the blame

two years passed, and i lost them both
but i kept two others, who mattered the most
one of them was the first to hear my tale be spun
the other one had been with me from day one
high school sounded pretty great, like a brand new start
maybe i'd make some more friends, to heal the holes in my heart

not long after that, i had a new group of friends
i thought this could be my shot, to make some amends
we talked about churches that thought they could pray me away
and that's when one of the girls straight-up asked if i was gay
i nodded my answer with tears burning in my eyes
they all stared at me while i waited for the goodbyes
but instead they all shrugged, and told me it was okay
i never knew people could act that way

a few months later, i had to tell my three boys
they've been by my side since we were in the yard, playing with toys
i knew that each and every one of them, would have their own reaction
but i didn't know homophobia would come in a one-third fraction
the smallest of the three, was easy, he loved me all the same
the taller one was harder, but his insults were fairly tame
the oldest was the worst, i thought he would protect me
instead he said it was gross, and i had to run; i had to flee

the worst is still yet to come, i know that to be true
my grandmother loves me, but i can't change her views
because the bible says, that being gay just ain't right
and she's not gonna trust you, if you're not white
i guess i'll tell her when i'm older, and hope for the best
talking to your grandma, shouldn't make you feel this stressed

build me up, or tear me down, which one will it be?
now i've learned, that i can only be me
it doesn't matter what you think, i've got friends i adore
i never understood what all this hate was for?
i just want to get married, why is that so wrong?
i'll use your phobia, to make myself strong
i've got to say, i never asked for this
it's amazing what can happen because of just one kiss
 Aug 2019 tree
a m a n d a
i think my education
must have been heavy
on the
analyzing.
 Jul 2019 tree
mer
cancer
 Jul 2019 tree
mer
she doesn't know
what it means
all she knows
is that she
is going to
die

"cancer"

she hears the word
over and over
again
she asks her mom
what it means
there is no reply

"cancer"

she's eight years old
she'll never go to college
never kiss anyone
never
never
never

"cancer"

she hates hearing
that word that means
nothing
she cries
why will no one tell her
what it means?
 Jul 2019 tree
david mitchell
terrible forest
crystal pillars loom over
ancient are these peaks
 Jul 2019 tree
viola
mental health
 Jul 2019 tree
viola
sometimes I wish I had cancer
then people would send me flowers, and get well soon cards.
but I am bipolar
so when I am sick
I suffer alone, ashamed
because too many times
people synonymously use my illness for crazy.

-please stop
 Jul 2019 tree
Isabelle
i touched your soul
and scribbled my name on it
love, you’ll never get lost again
 Jul 2019 tree
z
i let myself drown
 Jul 2019 tree
z
when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?
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