Towela Kams

Towela Kams Sep 2015

To the boy I met two days ago,
With words designed to suit the solitude I've wanted me heart to cave in.
And the smile that made security no longer appear as a faraway myth but was now as close to me as your inhale and exhale across my neck.
I could feel your heartbeat,
And the way it raced marathons to convince me that it wasn't just oxygen you were taking in, but with each inhale was a piece of me I'll never be able to recover.
And when you held me, I reluctantly allowed the walls of my mind to romp into temporary forevers
But soon I was yet to discover an abstract truth
From what you whispered in my left ear.
You'd given me detailed descriptions of your childhood games that were enough for me to conclude that you liked to play -
With stones
And sticks
And Lego bricks
But never,
Never did I think you were capable of playing a round of hide-and-go-seek with my feelings.
I feel kisses on my cheek,
As I continue reminiscing about the first words you spoke to me,
that night.
If only I'd known your "Hello" was filled with deceit that concealed it's rise to defeat me.
I was under the impression that a fall into an empty ditch of your promises wouldn't leave me scarred.
To the boy I met two days ago,
You asked me why I struggle with trust issues,
Knowing **** well that two days later you'd reaffirm my bitterness for your entire species.
Don't call me stupid.
Don't even mouth the word, "Crazy"
I remember.. that night.
Being oblivious to everything you uttered,
I took all of it to heart.
And everyone knows I usually doubt a guy's intentions at the start
But this time
This time I was just as naive as those girls I tease for believing in guys like you.
Hypocrisy -
That's what I became a product of.
Even now, I'm still trying so desperately to have a little faith in the things you're telling me.
This - This isn't a merry-go-round, right?
You won't take me to Cloud Nine and then tell me to jump off, right?
Tell your girlfriend I said hey.
Go hide the fact that you asked me out that night,
Then made me feel guilty for saying no.
The next time you see her, look deep into her eyes and tell her that she's the only girl you're currently seeing
Be tormented by the clips of dejavu when you realize you that you;ve said those words to me before.
I want you to know that it took a lot for me to actually believe you,
And to have you take that for granted is obscene.
So I've made up my mind:
No more tossing and turning trying to get sleep at night,
No more getting to close to a guy that they can almost smell the vulnerability in me.
No more sweet talks.
No more intimacy that I feel the temptation rising to give in.
No more being another soul ready for your hands to take advantage of.
No words that seem to good to be true that they aren't.
No more smiles and no more laughter will ever have to be seen.
To the boy I met two days ago,
I left out one thing that night:
I'm an artist.
And I've drawn an all-new perception of you now
The old one, wasn't honest enough
And now, neither is your love for me.

I met a boy two days ago that turned out to be deceptive.

#love #sad #depression #boys #deceit #vulnerable

Towela Kams Apr 2015

Faith > Fear [2]

And so that the resounding acts of faith in my life overpower the fearful illusions that attack my mind.

Minimalist.

#fear #faith #minimalist #illusions

Towela Kams Apr 2015

"Accept my love"

I
I've silently watched as filthy, unworthy people juggle your heart from one hand to another as if some sort of game. They hold your heart so loosely in one hand and toss it right into the next. Their ***** hands seeping through the depths of your heart fleeing open doors that would rather remain shut and keeping secrets that they swear they wouldn't tell another soul about. I've had my heart sink every time I caught sight of the very borders of your heart once so fragile and soft harden by the minute all because of bitter experiences. Sometimes, I can feel it grow distant from Me. I've witnessed your outcry for love and I've seen how that desperation gradually led you into temperamental sources of delusional love any chance you had and how by the minute, you became their next victim left emotionally scarred.

   II
The state of your soul is neutral with a slight dash of equanimity. You've learnt to protect your heart, well, sometimes. Because until now, you must've met thousands of people who decided to take advantage of your warm-heartedness. It's not something common in this world- your warm-heartedness - my desire has always been that you maintain it. Love is no longer something you appreciate. You underestimate the power of love so much that you hardly believe it actually exists. It may be hard for you to fathom at this point but I want you to believe that the very foundation of our relationship is on love. I look down and see broken souls every second, yours being number one.

  III
I'm always willing and ready to help you. I can provide something more powerful than "just love" I'll heal your soul and it'll no longer hold the vacancy it once bore. My love is deeper, if you allow me to introduce you to it. With everyone that comes in and out of your life, they just crack open wounds you've been trying to run away from. It's unfortunate that after all the tears that have fallen through your bleeding soul have never been comforted with a single apology. People pass by your injured heart and not one single sorry for the way you've been treated. So please, allow me to say what should've been said a long time ago..

   IV
I make up for your lacks and deficiencies, your flaws and your insecurities. I am love and I act the description perfectly. My perfect demonstration of love was sending my son to die on cross to reconcile you back to Me. If willing, I'll eradicate your spiritual blindness and fill you with perfect vision to see the magnificent things. Here's an invitation. If you allow your spirit and mine to agree and intertwine, I repair the wounds of your heart at no cost, I allow you to recover all that was once lost and even more. Yes, indeed, there's more. Trust me enough to allow my love to purify your heart and work deeply within your soul where it shall permanently remain as a mark of the promise of forgiveness made to you before you were born. A perfect reminder of the Son I sent to bear your sins on a wooden cross. Yes, it's true you need love. This love can only be supplied by Your Father above. And since you've accepted, you can trust me to be devoted to you loyally for my love supply is ever flourishing and never-ending. With me, your heart will be perfectly mending and you'll no longer find comfort in worldly sympathy. Let alone, self-pity. You'll become the one thing you've wanted so desperately - to be an independent entity.

Christ says, "Accept my love."
An Easter special. :')

#love #god #hope #christian #easter #christ

Mar 2015

Laura Jane

He Means Well

My Father, who means well, makes me lunch
A man who’s sandwiches could never be
trusted, who used the mossy breadends cause
thats how they did it on the farm but
I am the cry baby who rejects the
deadened bread, dark wilted lettuce spines
lettuce rinds, inedible, unclean
Perspiring, lovingly wrapped in cellophane
And now I’m old enough I must
so carefully control what’s
between my full, whole, mid-loaf slices,
Fret about gluten.
Jesus help me I’m so afraid of
invisible moulds and the taste of iron
in those glossy cylinders of upended campbells
tomato: quivering naked, vermillion in the pan,
like chilled organs they appeared hepatic
I’m sure the milk he adds is soured he
cannot be trusted, my father, but
forgive him he knows not what he does, I
know they didn't have much on the farm I
am spoiled like the milk, too sensitive, I
wilt, because I have become too hard to feed,
we didn't know what to do with this kind of love.

#depression #memories #food #child

Towela Kams Mar 2015

Poetry recognition, x

I await the day poetry will be recongnised
When people don't just view words, they read lives.

Well, ya.
Please check my other work. :)

#poetry #stories #recognition #read #lives