You walked back  into  my  life
for the What seemed like the tenth time just like you had never left
Like a part of you had always lived in me
I thought my heart your home.

Here  I  am. . .
Now knowing  
Love didn't really exist,
and now when I look at  you
Pain is all I see
when I look  at  you
I no longer see the love

And in the middle
of all this chaos
there you are
Still finding ways back in after I tried so hard to shut you out
There you are still the subject of everything I write

I wish I felt this good sober...
I wake up every morning feeling like the weight of the world is sitting on my chest.
I have a heavy heart, filled with regret and a heavy head constantly filled with what ifs and self doubt.
I roll over to text you back but see no reply.
I can't bring myself get out of bed again.
I sit up and put my head between my knees and just breathe.
I sit there and regret all the the stupid things I said and did the night before.
Wondering when things started to get this bad.
I'm starting to shut everyone out again.
I haven't been sober in awhile.
I can’t tell if the drugs make me happy or sad.
I just know they make me feel numb.
And I know the drugs, they make me overeat.
Which makes me feel like **** because I already hate my body.
I don’t know why I continue to do this.
Why i continue to act like I’m not hurt.
I try to drown it out and mask the feelings
In liquor, THC, and with men who see me as nothing.
I am so lost
I don't know who I am
I don’t want you to hurt me again
I’m so tired of being me

I think back to when it happened,
to that beautiful day that suddenly became so dark
The day when it all happened,
the day he destroyed who I was
Leaving me shattered.

I fought. I cried.
But it didn't matter how loud I was.
Nobody came to help me.

I still wake up crying,
Freeze when I see him,
And I’m still scared,
every **** day.

I still think I see him,
even while I'm safe at home.
I close my eyes and tell myself it’s going to be ok
But I can't help but feel him.

A year later I still feel him.
His grip on my wrists, the smell of alcohol on his breath,
The weight of his body pressed against me as I tried to get away

He just continued,as I cried.
It didn't matter how loud I screamed,
Nobody came to help me.

I'm so scared you'll find someone else
That you’ll hook up with someone else
Honestly, I don’t even want you to kiss someone else. To touch someone else.

I want to be your only one
The only one on your lips
The only one your body longing for.

And I really hope you know
You’re my only too

YOU hurt me in ways no one else ever has,
cutting me to the core.
YOU beat me up without even lifting a hand,
reminder me exactly where I stood. Exactly how you felt.
You ****** with me and got my hopes up.
Was this all just a ******* joke?
Was it funny to **** on me? To make me feel like I was never good enough?
You  just wanted play games
You act like I’m worthless ****
I'm know I can’t compare to others
I just don't compare. I’m flawed. I’m a mess and we have a lot of mess.
But you still treat me like I'm not good enough for you. And maybe I’m not. But I am good enough just as I am.
You tear me down but I keep coming back.
Part of me wished you’d stop.
But I know this is how we are. And sometimes I love it.
Holding back tear on every harsh word you say....
I am too afraid to ever stop you,
I'd rather feel like ****
Than not hear from you at all.

We have come too far to just give up,
It’s not too late to get back together,
At least I don’t think it is.

Been years since we broke-up,
Part of me to let you go, but part of me still held on
My feelings for you have never been more real,
Same feelings as before ,same me
but I don’t think you’re the same you,
We have come too far?
Is it time to let this be?

You’ve had new girlfriends. Ones who have probably treated you better than I ever can.
But I am still here. alone.
Not because I have no options, because I always want to come back to you.
No one makes me feel the way you do.

I know I’ve made way too many mistakes.
Deep down I am still waiting for you,
We have a connection.
When I miss you
But maybe I’m too late

I’m probably too late.
I have tried
I sure have cried enough,
It's time to let you go.
I need accepting that you aren’t coming back. You never wanted to come back.

I love you.
That is the first thing I think of when I think of you. Love.
i love it when you kiss me,
your lips are so gentle and soft,
no one has kissed my like that before.
you haven’t said you love me,
But all I feel is love,
your touch,
Its gentle. it’s one I never want to lose

your eyes,
beautiful, blue, and gentle
i never want to look away.
the way you look at me, it melts me.
It feels like we can communicate
without words but
You are you and i am me.
We are a mess and probably never meant to be.

you are kind.
i cant get you out of my head.

But I know you’re going to brake my heart.
I will miss the way you kissed me
My heart will break
your eyes will no longer seem so gentle and things between us will fall silent.
I can't believe i actually let you in.
I gave you the things that were important.
I thought my heart was important.
But its just a heart..
nothing too special I guess