I was taught to never speak to boys, to avoid them completely, in order to obtain a clean reputation.

When in reality, I will eventually end up sleeping next to one for the rest of my life.

I was taught to never raise my voice, that a girl should always be quiet and respectful to others.

When in reality, I never learned how to stand up for myself.

I was taught that parents always knew what's best.

When in reality, I question their decisions everyday, wishing I had taken more control of my life growing up.

I was taught many things that I find to be far from real.

Each lesson emerging to me from beneath the false truth.

But I was also taught many ideas that still stand with me today.

I was taught to feel beautiful in my own skin.

I was taught to always be grateful, regardless of my status.

I was taught to love, to share, to understand, to care.

And it's lessons like these that have guided me through the darkest tunnels of life.

I wish I wasn't shy
I wish I could be myself
I wish they could see
I'm just like everyone else

I wish I could share my thoughts
I wish I could speak my mind
But the harder I try
The more my tongue is twined

I wish I was transparent
So people could see
That the wall I put up
Is just for security.

I come off as distant
I come off as aloof
But take a look in my heart
And you will find proof.

I am no different than you.

Just give me a reason to keep my heart beating...

You gave me your jacket on a cold day
When you saw how I was shivering and miserable
"Take this"
And you smiled as you handed me your dark grey jacket

I wore it
And instantly felt the warmth
Not only from the jacket
But from the kindness you showed someone like me

I still have the jacket
Lying to you saying, "I left it at home again"
You still tell me that it's okay for me to keep it
And I dunno why but I always tell you that I'll bring it the next time

I guess I still want to keep the jacket
I wear it when I feel lonely or sad
But also want your scent on it again
The smell of you and your favourite deodorant... it comforts me for some reason

I'm giving it back to you tomorrow
So you can wear it again
And then I'll find a way to trick you
Into giving it back to me

This page is a graveyard.

I bury my secrets
beneath the gentle curves of vowels and the razor edges of consonants.

Each written word
holds a bit of truth,
a bitter truth
that thrashes
in violent desperation
to be known.
I suffocate it
with *******,

and it becomes nothing
but a ghost
that stirs the reader's heart.

are we all so lost
howling at imaginary moons
such gloom
without glow
and the world goes by
from a window
are we all so trapped
in our own **** heads
no bed
like the death bed
and nothing moves as fast
as the moment
drunk instead
with electric blanket
at least I feel warmth
from something

She walked down the stairs
Not a care in the world
All dressed up
Hair in curls
She waited patiently for him to arrive
It was prom night
But she felt like a bride
The clock kept moving
He still didn't show
Her dress was wrinkled
She was losing her glow
She was angry now
This just couldn't be
How dare he do this to me!
Then outside she heard the sounds
Police and ambulance scrambling around
She saw the car
Two houses away
It was his car
Smashed in the tree
This can't be happening
Not tonight
Not to me
She ran to the scene
Police held her back
They were waiting for the chopper
To take him away
No telling if he'd make it to another day
She stood in shock
such a tragedy
And realizd for the first time
It's not about me*
A night to remember

**** the truth
**** the lies
**** the stupid
**** the wise
**** uncertainty
**** pain
**** your face
**** your name
**** the narrative
**** intent
Your love never
left a dent
**** the pills
**** the symptoms
**** logic
**** religion
**** your friends
**** the games
**** the cause
**** the blame
**** malice
**** fear
But most of all —
**** NEW YEAR

Now that you're gone
My life is but
little deaths.
Slowly languishing,
In the early hours —
Solace,
In the moon's strange rays.
I was a stranger to your love.
Perfect.
A destructive
Hunger,
            Spiraling
                       ­    Inward.

If this is the end.
If this is the goodbye.
Just
Keep me in your heart,
A
Moment
Longer.