Holding your face in my hands
I remembered how it felt
To have the desert sun on my shoulders
And the cold ocean water at my calves

There was a small stillness in your eyes
And I didn't know if it was hot water
On the burn
Or the cold
That hurt me more
When I needed it to be temperate

I swear to the god of my nostalgia
That I'm addicted to the forbidden
That I shirk rules even if I create them
That I awake in the middle of the night
Thinking that the shadows on the dining room walls
Are echoes of alcoholism
That linger in the pit of my stomach
Even when I'm sober


And even now when dusk has just begun
I reach for the sun
Like a drunk reaches for a double
Like a child reaching for the mother
Like the long legs of some model tangled in the sheets
My love throws itself into the shallows

And drowns all the same

In the comfort of shadows
The warmth of the blankets
Lying next to me
Could be you my love, so far away

In the comfort of shadows
The world with you out of reach
Closes in tight
And you feel closer than you were

In the comfort of shadows
Alone in the dark
My tears silently rust the armor
Trying, in vain, to shield my heart

In the comfort of darkness
My loneliness fades
As I feel your soul dance with mine
And a smile escapes my tears

In the comfort of shadows
It's yesterday, my love
My life was whole
When you gazed into my eyes
In the light of the sun

there you are again:
headphones in,
staring at the floor,
the whole universe pouring out of your gaze.
did you really think nobody would notice?
you are trying to block out the world
but it will never work
because the stars that brought us together
will always let me in.

i am trying so hard to help you
but what was once love
is now an abyss of sorrow
and all that now grows there are the black petals of your resentment.
you have built you walls so high
that not even i can climb them.
but i will find a way
no matter how much the weapons of your anger **** me.

you cannot shut yourself away forever.
i will always be able to find you
because the wonder you gave me
always leads me back to you.

I am falling
(for you)
Far too fast.
Every word,
Every touch
Makes me want
To dance
To spin
To leap
Into everything.
But I'm scared
You'll disappear
And I'll continue
To fall.
But without you
To catch me
What will happen?
I am falling
Far too fast.

But baby it is wonderful.

just because i no longer kiss the universe that is in your heart
it doesn't mean that it's not there any more.

just because i now see stars within the depths of his eyes
it doesn't mean that yours aren't still full of them.

just because i do not touch your skin any more
it doesn't mean you don't still feel like the solar system.

just because i no longer love you
it doesn't mean that you are any less brilliant.

you are still wonderful.

at first i saw only your petals,
a deep red blanket of acceptance
and i fell into you longingly.
it was a bed of comfort
that i had not felt before.
and for a few moments it lasted;
i felt your love
and i gave you mine.
but i fell through the petals
and became tangled
in the thorns of your true self.
you did not love me.
you needed to feel loved
and i was the only one
foolish enough to fall.
i am a fool.
i was terrified of you
and i did not leave.
you destroyed me.
with each thorn
you pricked my heart
and out seeped the
blood of my broken soul.
your kisses were not love,
they were saliva and teeth and passion.
desperation.
you never ******* loved me.
you used me
you forced me
you tricked me
and i believed you
with all my trusting naivety.

your petals withered
and died
and now you weep.
you tell them it is my fault.
all i ever did was trust you.
i saw your beautiful petals,
to me, they promised an escape.
but instead you offered me entrapment
amidst the thorns of your madness.
you are the one who killed my spirit
yet you act like i created sadness.
your tears are nothing
more than the guilt inside
the ruins of your mind.

you cry because you need attention.
do not be fooled:
attention is not love.
you crave pity
but no-one will give it to you because
you ******* killed me.

you ******* killed me.
i should be the one who cries.
i had the courage to escape your prison
but do not mistake that for the end of love.
it is you who ended the love
long before it even began.
you hid your thorns
you flaunted your petals
you tricked me
you lied to me
and it ******* killed me.
you ******* killed me.

why do you get to cry
when all you cry for is attention.
why must i cry in silence?
why must i cry alone?
when it is me who is hurting
because it is me who was blooming with love.

STOP

please don't hide your thorns for the next girl.
be your petals.

bright lights
loud music
dancing
hugging
loving
all together
beer
falling
kissing
talking
honesty
truth
*****
happy
laughing
smiling
spinning
spinning
spinning

i love you all so much