everytime a shiver goes up my spine
I can’t help but remember your touch;
the way your fingers laced together against the curve of my back
                                                            ­            while you molded your lips
                                                                     against mine, fusing my skin to yours.

everytime I see you
I see the smile that I fell in love with
and the pool of lust in your eyes


                                    that was enough to bring
                                    me to my knees
                                    before you.

hearing your name brings me back
to our midnight conversations
in the dark,
back when                                                             love was kind                  
                                          ­           and your words planted flowers in my veins

every breath
reminds me that
after everything
                                                 I was not enough
                                             to satisfy your hunger,
that the taste of your lips
was the taste of a
desire so stale
that it could
****
me


now I lay awake
crying in the dark,
wishing for your lips
against mine.
                                                         I just want to die.
just kiss me,
just
****
me...

I think the saddest part of growing older
is watching everyone else find happiness
in the places that you spent years searching through
and came up empty handed
every
single
time.

I feel like I’m underwater;
I’m drowning in the dark.
Shaking and screaming
as the water fills my lungs.

I’m drowning in the dark,
alone and afraid.
Kicking and screaming
Against the icy water.

Alone and afraid
I long for your touch
against the icy water
to keep me warm.

I long for your touch,
caressing my skin
to keep me warm
while my body goes numb.

Caressing my skin,
the darkness wraps around me.
While my body goes numb,
my mind fills with fear.

The darkness wraps around me--
shaking and screaming,
my mind fills with fear.
I feel like I’m underwater.