**** me over,
put me in agony,
but it is okay,
because we are all family.
Accept defeat,
take the hit,
when you are with family,
you deal with this ****.
But what if you could pick and choose,
who you keep and who you lose,
well then those would be friends,
who you can pick until your heart's content,
but remember that isn't family,
that is merely people for rent.

I want to be someone.
I want to be that cool kid.
Who sets trends.
Who isn't afraid to sing horribly.
And loudly.
And isn't afraid to dance in the middle of the street.
I want to be someone.
Who's happy with how they look.
At least for the most part.
Who isn't afraid to ask a guy out.
Especially when we have been just friends for too long.  
I want to be someone.
Who is up for anything.
Honestly.
Who isn't afraid to climb a mountain.
I want to be someone.  
Who is invincible.
But accepts defeat proudly.
In a way that is only mine.
And in a way that is inspiring to others.
I want to be an inspiration.
Too.
Someone that others look up to.
And think.
I want to be like her.
I want to be someone.
Who's carefree.
I want to be someone.
Who feels loved.
And doesn't try so hard to act a certain way.
I want to be known for me and only me.
I want to love.
I want to dance in the rain.
I want to let my hair down and not care.
About anyone else.
Or anything else.
I want to be someone.
Who gets an A.
And feels good about it.
Who can brag.
But not upset anyone.
Who people don't mock.
When they do better.
Or know more.
I want to do yoga.
And drink tea.
I want to be someone.
Who stays up late having conversations.
Deep ones.
About the universe.
And God.
And everything that comes to mind.
I want to feel religion.
I want to feel joy.
I want to feel pain.
Good pain.
From falling off a bike.
Or coughing on river water.
I want to stop taking pills.
I want to be someone.
Who is happy.
With me.
With life.
With everything.
Who laughs at fear.
Who doesn't feel darkness.
I want to be someone.

Night time lullabies

Sweet singing voice

No more baby cries

Sleepy feeling rejoice



Far away tales

In your sleepy head

Dream of distant sails

On distant boats instead



Hush a bye my little one

Close your sweet eyes

Your dream land has begun

There are no more baby cries



Little one you are sleeping now

So cosy and warm in your bed

Let your wonderland dreams allow

Take you away to dream land instead

May real love
   find you--
take you by
   surprise:
hug the pain
   from your heart;
kiss the tears
   from your eyes.

time is an infinite stream of possibilities
may this blessing flow to you across time through love
I pray for you, the me of my past who struggled and
lost your way in depression.

May this blessing find you across time to you, from me the you of the future, to the 26 year old that I was in a moment in time,
where I was lost.

May you find your way out of despair and hopelessness, and
may you find the courage to set the radio outside of the filled
bathtub.  I know suicide seems the only way out, but you have
so much to live for. I am you of the future, as I speak to you of my past.  

May my love and hope travel across time to help you find joy in that little moment, where you turned on the radio to make sure power was flowing before you electrocuted yourself.  But in that tiny moment, reggae music blasted through the speakers bringing a spark of joy and rhythm into a dark moment, where you could not distinguish from the true and false.

May you find the wisdom to know that your pain will not last forever and all wounds heal with time, even heartbreaks.  I know, because I am in this very present moment the future self of you.  I know that your present feels bleak and each day feels more painful and pointless than the day before.  It feels like the whole world is against you and people who are supposed to love you only judge you and ridicule you.  Somehow it feels like who you are is not enough and you are sick and tired of feeling this way.

May my love and hope travel across time.  Love is infinite and collapses the space that separates us.  May my blessing find you
through this dark moment and many to come, so you may know
and experience joys, sadness, and full specturum of emotions
with an open heart.  You will someday embrace pain as one of your greatest teachers, because it has lead you to the other great teacher of life, love.  May you have the courage to really live, so you may face death, another great teacher.  May you live and die with love, and not with fear and hatred in your heart.

May this blessing travel across time in that infinite place in your heart, where hope will rise out of the heavy despair that is pulling you down to depths of pain that goes deeper and deeper.  Somehow, pain upon pain becomes comforting, and you begin to be trapped in yourself.  All you can see is this moment.

May my prayer and blessing find you and guide you to a future you cannot imagine in your present, but you would not want to miss.  Thank you, I love you.  I'm sorry for ways I failed you.  Please forgive me.  

May this blessing of hope and love find you across time and space to bring you home, so you and I can live in that infinite space of love in our hearts, where we are connected to life flowing through and in us.  May you find your way to me, to the now that is always being created.

Sometimes life is not what it seems,
Sometimes it's all unseen.
Sometimes it's all fun and games,
Sometimes hearts beat loudly.
Sometimes eyes shine,
Sometimes smiles bring across
The darkness in the morn.
Sometimes a tearful lullaby
Is all you need to mourn.

Some times,
I wish,
I wasn't the way I am now,
I wish I could take reality as it is,
And not ask for more.
I wish I could see that a 9 to 5, a family,
A car, and tonight's game,
Was all I had to look forward to.
I wish I could go about with a second hand existence,
And pass it on when I'm done.


But no.
I'm a dreamer.
I always have been,
And maybe that's all I'll ever be.
I dream of better things.
Of life beyond what I see.
Of love, peace, kindness, tolerance.
And maybe something else,
To fill the gaping void within me.
I dream of places that never could be,
And things that never should be.
Like you and me.


I dream a dream,
Never dreamt before.
And maybe,
If I were to do, and not just try
It just might be reality,
My legacy, that'll live on after I die.