i pour my soul
into him
but he's so broken
that it seeps out
the other  side
and we're both
left completely
empty.

I care too much.
I really do.
I care about
you
and her
and him
and them
I care about life.
I care so much
that I neglect myself
I neglect my wants
my needs.
I have been providing so much light for others,
that I have let my world grow dark.
I am too busy feeding other people compliments,
that I have left myself starving.
I can't decide
who matters more.
I worry about being conceded
so I discard myself completely.
I care too much

I have a boyfriend
I shout to myself,
Pinching my upper thigh
And blinking away from
The sight of them.

She giggles and I notice
Her laugh is lopsided
And she's too short
To be that loud.
Her shoulders are too far forward
And even I notice the
Gross stain on her
Upper left canine
Between her braces
That are bright, neon green.

She's my best friend.

I don't mean to think of her in that way,
I love her like a sister.
But it pops into the front of my brain
When I see them together.

I don't even like him
In that way
Anymore.
I have a boyfriend,*
And all he was
Was a whispered fifth grade crush.
That's what I tell myself.

He looks at her like
She's a million bucks.

Her crooked teeth
Earn her six cents,
In my opinion.

I take it back within a second,
But the thought was still there.

Jealousy makes me into a monster.

Have you ever loved someone so much
                                you feel your heart more?

Not an expression, no literally they make
                                                  your heart sore.

When you know they're your heart

and you are their armor.

But what happens when karma
                  turns right around and bites you.

So the one you most adore then turns on
                                                you to spite you.

"Spoke as if my armor now it seems as if
                    you forgot what it is inside you."

Your smile was the thought, the only one
                                               I'd sleep tight too.

Many moons have since passed yet I still
      struggle to sleep a whole night through.

I keep on having this dream.

Why do I keep dreaming this dream?

Where there's a sun gleamin', birds singin'

It's spring and, to my side lays a queen and,

I smile as I go to kiss her, tell her I miss her

She goes "baby I'm so warm your eyes
                might be stars is what I'm thinkin'.

Next thing I know it's just me standing in
                                                           the mirror.

These ******* walls must be talking cause
                                         **** I can hear em.

They're saying don't you dare take for
               granted what you've lived through.

You got one more chance so **** it you
                                                                ­      fight.

For all that pain endured better not be
                                                         for nothing!

Now go out there before it's too late and
show even pain can be good for something!

I walk out to 20,000 people cheering out
                                                           their seats.

Throwing roses at my feet, it's oh so loud!

When I open my mouth a hush falls over
                                                            ­the crowd.

Like wow, this is what being an artist is all
                                                             ­       about.

"Remember when you spoke as if you were
                                                           my armor?

What beauty, for what has become of you
                                           the perfect martyr."

"Here comes a poem of my heart, before
       I depart. Let my words be your armor."

Just know that,

When I'm gone just carry on, don't mourn,
rejoice every time you read my words feel
                                                            ­  my voice.

And just know that,

I'm not underground, you'll see when the
     suns around, me looking down... Smilin'.

So just feel my voice whenever you're
feeling pain, and know that I feel the same.

                                               *And smile back

So familiarize what having to swallow this pill is like
It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life
And it's as though you feel you've died because you've been killed inside
But yet you're still alive which means you will survive
Although today you may weep because you're weak and
Everything seems so bleek and hopeless
The life that you're seeking, it begins to seep in
That's the only thing keeping you from leaping off the motherfreaking deep end

And I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healing
And by tomorrow you may even feel so good that you're willing
To forgive them even after all that **** you been put through.
This feeling of resilience is building.
And the flames are burning quick as fire would.
Through this building. you're sealed in
But you're fireproof, flame retardant, you withstood it.
And as you climb up to the roof, you're just chillin' and you look down
'Cause you're so over them you could put the heel of your foot through the ceiling.

As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's goin' down in flames
Throw the match, set the past ablaze

So feel the fire beneath your feet
As you barely even perspire from the heat
Exhale deep and breathe a sigh of relief
And as you say goodbye to the grief
It's like watching the walls melt in your prison cell
But you've extinguished this living hell
Still a little piece of you dies, you scream..