i knew this was all too good to be true.

i knew you never really wanted me.

i knew i wasn’t the only one you were talking to.

i knew those poems weren’t about me.

i knew you were the same as everyone else.

i knew you would eventually fade away.

i knew you were going to leave.

i knew **** well you would never stay.

i can feel you fading away
with every moment that passes
i miss you
the way you looked over at me with intent,
the way you caressed my hand softly,
the way you smiled at me when
you thought i didn’t notice
did i miscalculate everything?
did i over-analyze every word you were saying?
i can feel you getting further
your absence is becoming more evident
i don’t want to say goodbye

my dear wind
i do hope that you
blow hard enough
to take me
away
far from here
far from everyone else
and finally be home
in his arms

it was the night that we burned our lungs with cigarettes on the overpass at 10 PM. you looked at me with that glint in your eyes as if i had done something good, even if all i am inside is a crumpled mess of suicidal thoughts and black holes.

“if you could relive any event in your life,” you said while taking a long drag from your third cigarette. “when would it be?”

i wanted to say something poetic. something that would take your breath away. something deep. something that would impress you, in a way. i wanted to say something that would bring heaven and earth together.

“now.” i blurt out.

i hear the wind blowing through the trees nearby. i slowly look up to you and was surprised when your demeanor didn’t change.

“why now?” you ask with an uninterested tone in your voice. you chuckle slightly and i ball my hands to fists. “there’s nothing captivating about now.”

i feel a sharp pang in my chest as soon as the words came out of your mouth. suddenly, every thought on my mind was about how i could prove you otherwise.

i throw the cigarette that i was smoking on the ground and stepped on it, ignoring the slight burn on my feet. in a rush, i turn to your gaping eyes and cupped your face and enclosed our lips together.

you tasted like cotton candy and nicotine, and i loved it. you took a second before kissing me back and god, i could feel the stars sighing from above. my body trembled from the adrenaline rushing through my veins. i love you i love you i love you.

“if you could pick a specific time to relive,” i speak right after i gasp for air. “when would it be?”

you looked at me with those eyes that glistened in the moonlight. a heartbeat passed, along with a random stranger who gazed at us while you cupped your hand on my nape.

“now.” you breathed.

and your lips were on mine again.

it was the night that we burned our lungs with cigarettes on the overpass at 10 PM. you looked at me with that glint in your eyes as if i had done something good, even if all i am inside is a crumpled mess of suicidal thoughts and black holes.

“if you could relive any event in your life,” you said while taking a long drag from your third cigarette. “when would it be?”

i wanted to say something poetic. something that would take your breath away. something deep. something that would impress you, in a way. i wanted to say something that would bring heaven and earth together.

“now.” i blurt out.

i hear the wind blowing through the trees nearby. i slowly look up to you and was surprised when your demeanor didn’t change.

“why now?” you ask with an uninterested tone in your voice. you chuckle slightly and i ball my hands to fists. “there’s nothing captivating about now.”

i feel a sharp pang in my chest as soon as the words came out of your mouth. suddenly, every thought on my mind was about how i could prove you otherwise.

i throw the cigarette that i was smoking on the ground and stepped on it, ignoring the slight burn on my feet. in a rush, i turn to your gaping eyes and cupped your face and enclosed our lips together.

you tasted like cotton candy and nicotine, and i loved it. you took a second before kissing me back and god, i could feel the stars sighing from above. my body trembled from the adrenaline rushing through my veins. i love you i love you i love you.

“if you could pick a specific time to relive,” i speak right after i gasp for air. “when would it be?”

you looked at me with those eyes that glistened in the moonlight. a heartbeat passed, along with a random stranger who gazed at us while you cupped your hand on my nape.

“now.” you breathed.

and your lips were on mine again.

Four hours
Before I have to leave.
I remember your lips,
Planting kiss after parting kiss
On mine.

Two hours
Before I have to leave.
I remember your hands
Holding mine, but slowly letting go
As I pass through the boarding gate.

Thirty minutes
Before I have to leave.
I remember every single moment,
Every laugh, every "I love you",
Turning into a fading, yet fresh
Wisp of memory.

Thirty seconds
Before I have to leave.
I remember you  

Don't worry, my love.
I'll let you know when I'm on the other side.
I love you.

I stand here alone,
Unable to speak,
My back turned pretending pride,
As my mother walks away,
My heart dies as I want to help her ,
But I keep walking,
My dam pride forcing me to step farther away,
I can't grasp control of my body,
What am I proud of,
Nothing,
I walking away achieves nothing,
So I turn around and let go of my pride,
"Mom,"
The tears that well in my eyes as she turns around,
"I'm so sorry mom, I..."
But she silences me as I am embraced by her body.

I can't sleep

And maybe it's the movie I watched a while ago

Maybe it's the back pain

Maybe it's the cold

But mostly I think it's just me

Missing you