i haven’t written in forever
even though i know it lights up my soul

sometimes it just scares me to unleash the girl within these ribs and see that she’s dying to grow

i love the comfort and stability of having it the same

change scares me, no, it terrifies me
but no change is my middle name

but here i am writing these words onto paper

expressing myself
shining my light or whatever

diving deeper into my brain
breaking open my chest and allowing this woman inside me out

she’s here, and she has so many words to shout

the cycling of emotions
the ebs and flow of the consciousness
the paralysis of thought
the dreaming of creations
the planning out and doing
and
the repeat

you are exactly what i’ve been looking for
my defender
you are my king of swords

i saw another sunrise because of you

we stayed up so late
or no
so early
i’m not sure the correct wording on that
but i know laying in your arms until 5am
was the most magical thing i’ve experienced
and i’ve had it 3 times in the last week

every time i don’t ever think it will be enough

i love examining every inch of your skin
finding the scratches that i have not caused
and try to heal them with the tips of my fingers
i wish my magic was that strong

staying up so late
or early
was never really my thing
i enjoy my sleep more than the company of most

but boy
you have changed my world

in just the simple week that we have been together
i see more clear
food tastes better
the air smells more crisp
the feelings i get are felt at a soul level

you have rocked my socks off
a caucasian phrase you would probably call it

laying in my bed
holding you and being held
listening to the birds as they rise
before we have even gone to bed
it’s something i used to dread
but not with you my love

the sunrise will forever be my favorite thing
they will forever remind me of you
of our love
so absolutely willing to be forced into extreme exhaustion the next day
just because i didn’t want to close my eyes and miss a moment with you

My smile
It hides the broken and the beaten part of me.
My smile covers the pain and loneliness of my missing father
My smile, the one my mother said she paid that of a small car, hides the fact I've had kraft mac and cheese for the last 5 nights

It hides my failing grades and my drug addiction.
It masks my empty self worth
My smile, that aesthetically pleasing smile is the best accessory on my worst days
It will always hide that broken heart, the growling stomach and the lost faith
As long as I keep smiling everyone will know I'm okay

My mother, just the mother.
Not only a mother, but just my mother and me.
My only confidant. My only support.
My only defender and play pretender.
The only bread winner, my only cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Only my mother and me.
My mother so much more than a mother.
A teacher, my lecturing preacher.
A caring and compassionate one of a kind go getter and my best friend until the end.
Only my mother and me.