I lie
In the fetal position
I try
To make myself smaller

Black holes have no mercy
Eating all light
Eating my own universe

I sob
A shaking sob
A quiet one

I used to think I was onto something
Dodging the bed,
Hiding from slumber
I never wanted to miss out
I never missed out on wishing the sun farewell
Welcoming a dark sky
Gawking at the stars
And the ones that fizzled by
Only ever wishing upon them
To see another.
I loved the lights of the city
And the people that were there with me
I thought they were just like me

I never missed out when the sun returned
And it seemed to always greet me
When it poured light through windows
I liked when the birds sang in the morning
As if they also took pleasure in greeting the day
I liked when the streets slowly saw more cars
And people commuting wherever they had to be
I thought they were just like me

I thought I seized every moment
I thought I was living
I thought I was powerful
Like some kind of conqueror
I knew death was to come some day
That was what drove me
I thought day and night whispered life
That I had to listen to all of it
But I was a fool
Or at least a bit hard of hearing
The sun is always lingering
Not to greet anyone
But to let them know that there is less time
It never greets anyone
As it only says farewell
To every passing moment

You elusive *******
Where are you?
The years keep passing
And I'm still looking
Trying to find you
Every possible way
Every possible place

Sometimes I have my desperate hands on something
A clue
Some kind of insight
But it always crumbles in my fingers

This game we play is deadly
So why must I be taunted so?
I don't think I even wanted this fight
But the past is just as lost
And I like to think I'm closer to you
Than that which I left behind

My hands are way too cold
I haven't written a word
I should do something else
I should
Just
Find some time
I should drink tonight
And sleep twelve hours
Or play that saxophone
It gathered so much dust
I can smoke cigarettes and sing songs
Drive to the country to see the stars
Paint my feelings
Watch movies
Tell stories
Write

Gah!
But if only I had the time!

Where have you gone
You poor soul
My precious friend?
Without you
I am floundering
Wallowing
In a place that is not home
Please come back
I miss you and
Your strangeness
Your individuality
That so shook
The status quo
Now I am shaken
Broken
Empty
Without you

What am I doing in this wild world?
This wild life?
I want to be myself,
But apparently I am.
So why is my head so clouded?
My heart so diluted?
Chapter upon chapter,
I only feel lost and blind
Running through this wild life,
Always out of stamina
Out of the gumption
I need to be
Myself

The flowers were beautiful
I know this because I have been told so
They do not look very different to me
Different from the grass they grow between
Not the soil they sprout in
Not the small world thriving beneath
Nor the sky and trees sourrounding
Everything seems the same to me
And if these worldly beauties are compared
It would not do justice to the infinite degree
In which everything is beautiful.