You talk as if I am not there
As if you don't
acknowledge
me
Then I can not hear your words
that sting
These words are knives
And I am bleeding

The talk
that gets us nowhere
except the joy of hearing your own voice speak.
The stifling circles of meaningless rambling
justifying the normality of strange and stuttering minds.
Please hear and see me.
I am guilty of this.
But the silence punctuated by the most simple and profound truth.
Speak that

and no other words.

Dear stepmom,
You should know that I wanted to talk to you.
I had it all planned out in my head -
How I was going to ask about the baby's birthday
And try to start one of those things called conversations.

But instead we sat
And didn't breathe a single syllable to each other.
And how am I supposed to open up, when
I part my lips and nothing comes out?
When the words in my brain are trampled
By the thoughts that tell me I'm going to do it wrong?

A heaving anxiety governs my mind's playground.
There's a fence around it with high walls.
On some days
They are stronger than others.
I have trouble talking with a lot of people,
But you're a special case.

Dear stepmom,
You should know that I not only love you,
But I also like you.
Don't worry about winning me
Because you've already won.
You won years ago,
When you stuck around,
When you talked with me about Twilight
And when you never tried to parent,
Because you knew it wasn't your place.

Dear stepmom,
I have a strange sort of social anxiety
That creeps up when we're alone.
I cannot tell you why
Or how to fix it
But I'll try to try harder
Because I think
(Just maybe)
You have some too.

But until then,
We might sit and suffer
In a thick, murky silence
Every once in a while.

i wrote about you on the tallest billboards
screamed your name from every rooftop
in hope someone would hear me

i sand your name in every song i wrote
singing the words of heartbreak and lust
in the melodies intertwined
the words spilled out of me like
water in a cup
making the soles of my shoes wet with tangled words
of poetry

i uttered your name until my throat was hoarse
scratched with the letters that spell out your name
so beautifully

letters that make something so simple
into something so melancholy

A mouth
opens and closes
eating food
talking to you.

Unkind eyes
that perceive
scrutinise
and deceive you.