Forgive me, I tried,
to fight the demons inside,
but I have to admit,
to it I did submit,
it becomes an addiction,
forcing me into submission,

Forgive me, I need,
to learn how to plead,
for it to leave me alone,
after all that it's shown,
I don't want to live like this,
but it's something I know I'll miss,

Forgive me, for I can't explain,
why I self inflict such pain,
or why I can't put down the blade,
and disappear in the shade,
but it's my way to cope,
at times when I've lost all hope,

Forgive me, I can't,
ignore the voices that chant,
telling me that I'm weak,
and other nastiness they speak,
demanding that I cut,
and forever be in this rut,

Forgive me, but they win,
I can't fight all this pain from within,
I need to feel the blood run,
the devil thinks it's fun,
that my final string has snapped,
and in this cycle I'm forever trapped

after 14 years of bullying and abuse,
mentally ill she seeks a thrill,
she seeks validation from anyone in this wide nation,
she just wanted some good attention,
to relief some of that tension,
she just wanted a friend,
but her autism made it hard to comprehend.

It started out so innocent,
she could not see his intent,
he moved in slow and calm,
he had her in the palm of his hand,

they finally met and behind all of the distress
she felt like he ment well
then it all turned around and became hell

he wasn´t  who he said he was,
and the girl ran out of all her luck,
forcing her into submission,
he could do whatever he wanted,
bewitching - her with charm and kind words,
that innocent girl turned against the world,

the depression got worse,
and in the end she just wanted to purge,
she wanted it gone,
her family, her school the world,
she was alone,
nobody to her support,

and as the days grew old,
she made another attempt on her life,
she succeeded,

that´s how I wish It would have ended sometimes
but I kept going,
I held my head high,
I am not that innocent anymore,
and my soul is forever sore,

I´m still fighting my demons every day,
and I will for the rest of my life,
until I finally hit the hay.

I did it good, I did it all,
I tried my best and I threw that ball,
I went to school, I did my job,
I worked my *** of even tho math was a flop,

I brush my teeth and I go to sleep,
but suddenly I´m wide awake,
nothing works not even counting sheep,
and I´m yet again loosing faith,

I can lay in bed for hours,
I realize that I have no real power,
so I shove a pill down my throat,
I´m ready for sleep I´m stoked

but all it does is make me dizzy,
and I´m getting cranky and pissy,
it has been like this a few days in a row,
and I want to get out of this deep dark hole,

suddenly I cant bring myself to school,
doing anything is a mess,
my bodys getting weaker,
and I´m collapsing underneath the stress,

I´m trying pill after pill but nothings working,
some makes me drunk,
others just makes me thirsty,

after hours of hours,
days and hot showers,
my memory is fading,
the room is once again shading,

I´m putting my my head on the bed,
lights go out,
and I´m finally at rest.