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The Dedpoet Nov 2015
She is the last of her
Frailty, that shadow
Of girl interrupted,

The whole of her burned
Like a great scar on a heart
She once knew.

The anamolous woman
In another world,
A woman used and left behind,

Though one cannot recognise
Her face, through her
Demeanor she tells of another life.

And she declared war
With a ravenous intention
On building great walls,
Insurmountable

And with no doors
She leaves but a window
For him to find
And glimpse what she guards.

He will fall for her
And break like water against
The rock,
The jagged rock never smoothened

And the walls will shake
At the oscillating moment,
She will see a silhouette of frail
And timid creature,

She will sedate the emotion
And the walls will grow taller,
The embodiment of independence
In a story lost to the pain,

She will walk the earth
In a stir of echoes past,
The walls shimmering dark glow,
And the woman scorned does roam.
I never trusted gravity enough.
Not enough to fall
In love.
Truth is,
I never trusted.
Anyone.

But that's not entirely true.
See, for awhile I trusted.
Even love I trusted.
For awhile I invested in others.
For awhile I let people let me down easily.
"I'm not ready for a relationship right now"
"I think we'll be better off as friends"
"You aren't ready to be a good boyfriend."
"I'm looking for someone different. Like your friend"
I still can recall them ad nauseum.
Line after line of why I wasn't their
Right guy.
Right shape.
Right plan for their perfect wedding 10 years in the future.
And so I lost trust.
I lost trust in them.
I lost trust in love.
I lost trust in me.

So I ignored gravity too,
The gravity that could bring me closer.
To someone
To anyone
To love.
The gravity that could sink me to solid ground
And allow me to walk toward a future
In love.
I ignored it.
And floated.
Drifted really.
Inside myself.

Inside myself
Where I stocked up on bulk buy cans of
Self-loathing
And self-pity
Unloading them in my bunker to stack them neatly next to my canned jars of
Selfishness and anger
Behind bags of jealousy and loneliness.
And with the cupboard full I packed it in.
Gave up.

A person learns not to trust.
And it's a hard lesson to learn.
It takes time.
It takes years.
It takes enough rejection to make a person.
Whose heart is open.
Whose heart is pure.
Whose heart is true.
To harden.
To protect itself.
From being repeatedly kicked down life's stairs,
As gravity aids the fall.
When I walk by, do you feel the tension in the air?
Do you notice that I'm even there?
I'm waiting for you to notice me.
I'm watching whilst you go day by day oblivious of my stare.
I walk so close you must feel my breath
Hear my steps
Smell my scent
Feel my need to be by your side.
And, yet I'm continually denied my presence by you.
Others notice, they look at me, through me.
They ignore me.
The woman in the grey shroud, blending in with the crowd.
Soon, this shroud will lie in tatters, and all who matter will know
How enticed by your paradise I paid the price
Seeds sown, Ploughed and rooted
The child within was muted
Know how you denied me twice and left us to die, sliced.
© JLB
02/01/2015
04:08 GMT
Beaux Dec 2014
I will never treat you like a ten
Because we are human
All wrapped in sin
I will never treat you so sweetly
Letting roses call out bleakly
Teddy bears stuffed with lies
But I'll sit and watch you cry
Or talk or smile or possibly die
But I'll be there throughout time
Bittersweet biting on lips
Hoping not to get the slip
I will never treat you like a ten
Because I'm human
Wrapped in my sins
Calling out with all my might
Whispering long goodbyes
Hoping Angel's wings shall break
Satan bound so filled with hate
Fingernails across the board
My thoughts are dying
Forever yours
Blessed to be the nothing you seek
Release those chains
Your soul be free

— The End —