A series of loves
Then - never good enoughs,
My life went on this way,
I thought each time,
I'll stay.

Driven by hormones,
Blinded by my trauma,
I kept building, recreating
Relationship - drama.

First I'd desperately fall,
For one or for them all,
I would try to please,
For dopamine-increase.

After some decades,
Many disappointments,
Looking at my pains,
Behind all the enjoyments.

Chemicals at play,
Needing sugar rush,
Thought my heart was longing
For a tender touch...
Though it was my brain.

Making me feel lonely,
Yet again insufficient,
Hurting so many,
On my way...

When will it end?
I need to stop.
And to sit with
What will come up.

You ask me why I left
well here's why.
It's because I realized that
my life is mine.

Maybe you think I'm selfish,
well aren't you too?
You said we would support each other
but nothing was ever true.

You had your dreams,
and I watched as they grew,
I guess I forgot,
that I had dreams too.

You said that I'm selfish,
but maybe it's because you didn't understand,
that in a relationship,
it's not about being in the upper hand.

You said that I'm selfish,
it's because you failed to see,
that even someone like me,
had things I wanted to achieve.

Maybe that's why I left you,
maybe I was wrong,
Maybe I should've told you,
that I wanted to be strong.

You say the past is in the past,
yet you want to start all over again,
I agree that the past is in the past,
but I'm sorry, this is the end.

I've found someone else,
and I hope you do too,
someone who wasn't as "selfish" as I was,
someone who can sacrifice for you.

We all have a soulmate,
I once thought it was you.
But the tides have passed,
the sun has set,
and nothing can be reset,
because I've found someone new.

What if I do this
What if I do that
What if I take too much time
What if I wish I didn't do that
.
What if I was stuck at the wheel with a gun to my back
.
What if I could count all the stars
What if I didn't screenshot all the pictures we took at the park
.
What if I didn't do this
What if I didn't do that
Will you ever have my back??

An ice cold heart drenched in a pool of smoke and ashes
that is visited by demons that disguise themselves as angels called "boyfriends" and "lovers"

I miss the the days when we were just "talking".

The days when you felt butterflies every time you spoke to me.

The times when you sent me the cutest messages without the slightest of difficulties.

Back when you smiled up a storm every time you saw me headed in your direction.

Back when we understood everything without the concern for a misconception.

But the honeymoon phase is over and we're no longer just "talking".

I see her there from across the building,
Hair covering her purple, tired eyes.
Her mind is not here, but deeply musing,
And my "Hello!" makes her jump with surprise.

I sit, and she quickly masks her writings,
Believing I can't see her quick mind shut.
But as we talk, I see she's still thinking;
I ask her what she wrote on the lined page. But

She tells me not. I found out later though;
About the fights with her 'loving' boyfriend;
The 'caring' family, whose care they never show;
And the school that's making her lose her wits.
Gradually, her mind is turning to dough.
She thinks no one cares. Little does she know...