I’m scared of crushing people with my feelings. It seems that though I have this armor of mine that protects me from theirs, are they safe from mine?

I constantly ask people if I ever overwhelm them, and luckily, they always say
“you don’t”
I just wish believing them was as easy as breathing, if only my mind and I could be civil and agree that everything is indeed fine, they don’t want me gone, with all the certainty that they carry in their pockets, “stay.” but sometimes I know I can be insufferable and I don’t know what to do about it.

Feelings find shelter in my chest, feelings are all I’ve ever known, who am I, if not made of feelings. I’m worried it will slowly start to suffocate people, so I silently **** myself trying to push them away, in the hopes of saving them from drowning.

People from the past are victims of my feelings being too much of a burden to carry, so they leave, or I leave? I never truly know.

If you hurt me, it’s fine, at least you’ll no longer bear with carrying what I have to give, what I can’t give, my mind, 9 missed calls, unsent letters and everything else that weighs on your shoulder. I however will sit here in silence, looking into familiarity, as time and time again, I have and always will be seeing this coming.

— G. Deinn.

I can shape my plans with clarity,
But fate’s still drawn in mystery -
What’s hidden lies beyond my sight,
And only God knows what’s truly right.

I seek to be the mirror that reflects minds, uncovering shadows and light within, or -
I could be the sun that lights their way,
Guiding seeds to bloom in the day -
Turning boys to men, girls to queens,
fulfilling their lofty dreams.

I am a wanderer in the ocean of thoughts,
I ponder deeply,
In the realms of reason, I tread,
Countless journeys of inquiry I embark,
For I am a wanderer in the ocean of thoughts.

My mind dissects each word you speak,
Like puzzle pieces, I must decrypt.
Each detail stowed and analysed,
Each contradiction memorised.
Your lies will always be uncovered,
As habits form, truth is discovered.
I'll turn your tales all day and night,
Until the pieces fit just right.
So spare yourself, I implore,
I will solve your messy jigsaw.

©️Lizzie Bevis

I’m starting to believe that this nomadic lifestyle
Ain’t at all for the faint of heart
Thousands of places in so little time
Exhausted but I can’t stop yet as no one place holds extreme value to me
Footprints in the sand tell a story of where I’ve been
Darkness engulfs me and makes it harder to decide where to begin
Perhaps I should just ‘eeny meeny miny mo’ it
Since stopping isn’t nearly as important
Thoughts clutter my walkway like precious gems covered by a recent sandstorm
Disgruntled, I glance out over my shoulder
Listening for the whisper of the wind to call out to me
But wait… I’m getting a head of myself
That’s dangerous when you’re a nomad
Whatever is waiting around the next bend
A mystery waiting to be unveiled
Like a grieving widow, mourning her sanity
I run
Disjointed from reality
I feel no pain
Opinions stabbing me like shards of glass
Dripping with the blood of identity
I’m a fraud… and yet, on I run
The tears I’ve cried flow through this deserted land like the Nile
It’s ingenious
They nurture my steps
A suckling waiting to be fed
I travel the worn path
night and day day and night
Stopping only to mark my place
I’ve been here before
And I never even left the comfort of my bed
This journey of a thousand steps
Inside my ever restless mind

Flowers bloom
The sun shines bright
The outside seems alright

But you're there
All bottled up inside

Storms don't last
But yours felt like
Clouds of dust following you
All year round

All you wanted was to shine
But all you see is their squinting eyes
So you stayed behind
Waiting for the crowd to be kind

So you wished
If there was another universe
Where your feet wasn't chained to the ground

You started your first day
Thinking of new beginning
But you stayed inside your head
And ended up running
"Maybe I couldn't"

Strangers and friends
Didn't differ that much
Gone faster than the wind
They wouldn't look back

I see everything.
And yet,
I still feel blind.

A shifting plane of alternate realities

The waves in the ocean
The uncertainty of the collide

Peaceful for a few moments
Then back to the war of a lifetime

A maze of thoughts
That you try to outrun

A deep and thorough rot
Paralizying you
Keeping you in fear
Giving you glimpses of hope
Just for another wave to consume it

A day in the life
Of an overthinker.

I'm so passed overthinking
My overthinking over thinks
The thinking I'm overthinking
To the point I'm thinking over
What's over thought and I thought
I was over this
Just didn't think it over enough
dilemma dilemma
yeap
Hold on we're in for a bumpy ride
Airwaves collide
I'm pretty sure we've been here before
I'm confused
What was the thought
Somewhere amongst this chaos
I forgot the original thought
Now I'm overthinking
A thought that can't be found
Wait wait
Oh yes I remember now
The thought was simply
Peanut butter or jelly
On the last piece of toast
So both
Or one
But which
Rock
Paper
Scissors
How do I answer this
It's an impossible equation
1+1 is good
1+the other is good
1+2 makes 1
But I wanted to share it with you
So now there's not enough
Either way
So what do you prefer
Before my brain cells implode
Giving up on the hope
I'll ever make a decision
That will justify the reason
Why I'm overthinking
What to feed you for breakfast in bed
Maybe just coffee...
Wait which brand?
How strong?
More or less sugar?
Too much creamer!
**** it I'm going to work
Everything *****
When over-thought thoughts
Become thoughts we've been over
Overthinking themselves
Into non-existence
And I forget how
I started this conversation with myself
Or what it no longer pertains to
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah do I have everything
What did I forget
Wallet
Keys
Phone
Socks
Shoes
Pants
Shirt
Necklace
Hat
30 minutes later it'll remind me
I woke up hungry
Couldn't decide what to feed myself
It's too late, I'm late for work