we can drink coffee
and stay awake all night
laugh through the smoke
of cigarettes
and make believe
that we are all right
we'll watch the sun rise
as it paints a lilac sky
we can crawl into bed
and kiss good night
i'll hold your hand
as sleep takes over
i'll be here and evermore
when you turn over
my skin as your blanket, but
you don't want this
my apologies, my acceptance

Couple to help me fall asleep
Couple to make me less socially awkward
Couple because it's something to pass the time
To help unwind

Loud people yelling in kingsgate
Then the faint stare of nighttime noises
Dog chains, house keys
Then nothing

City silence
Ambient sounds
Quarter to one
Bikes are closer than the cars

Smoking my last cigarette
The city bows out
A well oiled machine
Inhale, exhale now

Does anything that anyone does even matter
Sure I've got religion but it feels like it doesn't apply because on some level I have a knowledge that I'll be alright but then there's this other level that likes throwing very speedy and illegal curve ***** from around the corner of existence and I'll be fine one minute and crying the next and I've been called childish for that (I resent that alex keene) but I am
We all are
Humans are too fragile to be allowed emotion to be allowed relationships with other people
Like I can't take care of someone else's stability, do I look like I have my life together?
That's why trusting is so difficult because to me real trust is knowing you can complain to someone without feeling annoying and knowing they'll listen and not judge you and actually care what you say
But all of this is going into the void anyway and no one will read it so does it matter
Does anything matter, we're back here again
nothing matters nothing matters nothing
My brain quite legitimately reminds me of this and that's not pretentious poetry BS

I wish my head would turn off and go to sleep and then maybe I wouldn't have racoon eyes and my mom would stop complaining about my sour disposition

what a lot of people don't understand is that it gets the worst at night
everything gets too close to real and suddenly blurring the world with eyes squinted shut isn't quite as effective
my stomach drops out and panic worms through my chest and it doesn't matter if I just had the best day of my life because none of that is important when I can't breathe