Hesitations grips me
Sometimes with a soft gentle squeeze and sometimes with an iron fist
That split second where you see that girl with whimsical hair and a playful smile and your body is screaming at the top of its lungs “GO AFTER HER YOU FOOL!!!” while your brain mulls over the endless stream of stressful situations
I can hear Robin Williams calling out to me “Let me hear your YAWP!” and I’m shaking, quivering, rattling, generating the vocal ferocity of a lion! And all that comes out is a whimpering “yawp…”
Hesitation grips me
A harmless compliment to brighten someone’s day, no harm done, just a quick simple “I like your pants” a smile and I’m on my way
Simple! Wrong!
That flickering candle of pleasantries is cut short by a swiftly shutting window of opportunity
The breeze not hesitating to extinguish its light
Hesitation grips me
How many moments must I suffer paralyzed lips before my can of complimentary worms is opened?
How many lovely strangers will continue to mill about their days in unblissful ignorance of my enjoyment of their simple, subtle or overt characteristics?
This hesitation grips me!
It shackles me and holds the key in front of my face and all it requires is one real Yawp! The mustering has begun! That key is my freedom of hesitant chains! Just! One! Yawp! I think I can I think I can I think I can! Just! One! Yawp! “yawp…”
Hesitation grips me

I would scale the mighty chestnut trees
Growing in your eyes
If it meant that I could look upon
Your body, for a time

I would swing all through the branches
Recount your visions passed
Bask beneath the shadowed canopies
Swallowed in the black

Yes, I think I would quite like it there
I’ll go one day. Perhaps

Am I losing hold?
In a hurricane thought storm
Little deaths on the television
Remind me of my inactions

Said I’d even myself
Out, after giving into self
Doubt. Unstable, leaning toward self
Harm, while the world tumbles itself
Round

Bitter at my own lack
Feel the fire dying in my breath
While the world
Burns and breaks and blisters in a growing wreck

Did my stutter break another heart?
Did my whisper **** that child?
Too quiet for him to hear the reason
I searched for myself, at sixteen

Is every stilted thought, wasted potential / opportunity
To better myself, better the world,
And every person I'll ever meet?

I will not let
Hesitation
Separate
Soul from body
Ever again

I am not lifeless
I am not cruel
I will not be a bystander
I swear

I am not lifeless
I am not cruel
I will not be a bystander
I swear
Ever again

I’m ready to fall in love, but not ready to be loved
I‘m prone to giving freely, but not accepting of hugs
It’s all about confidence and accepting who I can trust
And how I lack faith in someone fighting for “us”
I've experienced and witnessed people’s abandonment
If I had to go through that again I just couldn't handle it
Seen families broken apart, dealing with broken hearts
To prevent that in my life I turn my back at the start
However, I've discovered that I’m too ready to die
Because I’m afraid to live by giving love another try
I’d do anything to float in the dreams that I had built
But once reality set in it filled my brain to the hilt
Broken promises to myself have me wrought with guilt
Making me feel like I deserve to wallow in this filth
I wish I could stop myself from wanting what they have
I have to tell myself, “You never wanted it that bad.”
Confident in my decisions, better choices made me glad
If that’s the case, though, then why do I always feel sad?
That’s only until I find something expensive to purchase
An escape from the emotions, masking that I’m uncertain
On a journey to find out what the most beautiful view is
Is it my immaturity that allows me to even do this?
Driving in circles trying not to dwell on what’s hurtful
Dawn rises to reveal an overwhelming array of purple
Golden leaves on the trees rustle softly in the breeze
Gentle sun rays glisten off the surface of the sea
This is how I know someone’s trying to talk to me
To help me come to see all of the things I could be
The last step that is left is for me to just believe
In the things I have to offer and all of my various abilities
Though I've never been one to see what other’s see in me
I’m always blocking progression due to my insecurities
Yet what a hypocrite I am for the words I often convey
If given the opportunity I would build you up all day
Ironically I would mean everything that I would say
Hoping our foundation will give me incentive to stay
But nowadays I seem focused on pushing others away
The fact is this world wasn't built for a cat to be a stray
What are my options when others are too busy to play?
I guess it means I still need to grow up in so many ways