I am sick of wasting my energy
Convincing people that I am deserving of their affection
That I am deserving of love from those who I want it most.
All they've done is take and demand more.
Slightest afflictions would send me
profusely apologizing.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
When I owe nothing of the sorts.

You say I betrayed you, but you stopped talking first.
You say I left you behind but I don't recall your footprints by mine.
You're life has changed and you hate that.
I'm just a reminder of what your life used to be like.
I am not responsible for your happiness,
yet you mar mine.
You didn't want to hurt alone,
so you ensured I'd hurt too.

I let the numbness wash over
calluses form on my heart, roughly applied.
The first time hurts, but eventually it hurts a little less.
Blisters form until that thick patch of skin builds up
and my patience wears down,
and now my empathy can be short-lived.

We swapped roses,
unaware yours had thorns.
I pricked my finger
and now the yellow is stained with red
and skin will need to be cleaned and bandaged
and the heart continues to be broken despite increased fortification.

I thought what doesn't **** you makes you stronger,
that it creates perseverance.
And it does,
but it hardens the soft in spirit
and my patience is no longer there for you.
And leaving gets easier.
Saying goodbye gets easier
And it hurts a little less.
I care a little less.
And I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Frustration boils-down to
Anger flares into
Annoyance drives towards
Guilt jabs beneath
Acceptance guides until
Frustration boils-down to
Anger flares into
Annoyance drives towards
Guilt jabs beneath
Acceptance guides until
Frustration boils-down to

Puppyhead leapt,
up
from bed,
to the door she raced.

special high pitched bark
reserved for the fox.

learned did I,
the hard way,
not to open the door.

not to let puppyhead
go racing out,
full speed ahead,
out into the night.

wild and free,
and right straight
after
yet another
wild life.

so we watch,
from behind
closed door,

peering out into
the dark of the night.

shadow moving around,
surveilling the ground,
a white tipped tail
barely visible as past it moves.

mean feel I,
for not opening
that door.

puppyhead barks,
ooks up at my head,
then out to that yard.

"Why can't I be out there
now,
alone with that fox?"

learned I,
the hard way,
puppyhead won't
back down.

neither will the
wild nocturnal creatures,
who visit our den,

during the very dark,
the dark,
of the middle of the night.

so I creep silently
up the stairs,
every so quietly,

so puppyhead
won't hear,
won't want to follow,
won't want to come,
out here with me instead.

open a door,
do I,
a door to a deck.

alone stand I
peering down into the dark,
the dark of the night.

hearing that fox
moving about,
creeping along fence line,

finding a place,
a place of
escape.

almost free,
to continue to roam
through this night,
this dark,
& beautiful night.

she leaps in one
graceful arc,
up and over
high gate.

pads off she goes,
into this night,

roaming along
this solitary creature,

taking such free flight
on this magical night.