I went to my friend
almost afraid to expose the need
I found as I read the book,
not knowing if he would be deaf to it.
As I spoke of my father
who was not there
to show his boy how to be a man
I recounted my losses
and the load of grief I felt.

My sadness clung to me
a heavy suit of chainmail on a dark knight.
I could feel my face
drooping in lamentation
unable to be the smiling grinning buddy
I normally brought to the room.

Seemingly unable to enter into my pain,
my friend, a man of great intellect, character and conviction,
responded only with a litany of his own.
I tried to listen but my burden
made it a mighty climb.

Now I know my pal is only human
and I am wrestling
with my self
sweating MY
deafness.

Wounded.  Staring at the gaping hole - shock.
This was not supposed to be that fight, those rounds - from where?

Laughter I hear, carefree cackles of one who never knew
Responsibility, dues and costs, penalties dear.  For whim to be entertained
not wise enough to realize entertained is enslaved.

I hear voices calling my name, telling me to hold on, this wasn't my fault
It was - is.  I chose to think myself wiser, trusting my judgement
Foolish. Now, dying.

I can feel my heartbeat increasing.  I know, less to move it must go faster
thermodynamics even in death must be satisfied.  Why in life we are not all bound by such an equalizer - I'll now never know.

I had a foot, legs - no longer felt yet there. Toes protruding from worn sock. 
All I feel is the burning of the phosphor.

She laughs still, thinking in life her vict'ry but nay, her laughter betrays her
Uncertain, alone, thinking she is in control when truth revealing, 
She controls nothing.

Take what you will and can little idiot. Foolish jester of the court of your own mind.
Be certain in your own supremacy for therein your demise.
And, I smile knowing that if is I who'll laugh at last. As into final slumber I slip
A caress from my Princess, my blade ****** deep into the enemy
And I sleep. No more voices, no laughter, yet I see the amazement

Faces before contorted in mocking humiliation, now stare in disbelief

Reality has hit.
Death alone liberates but man's soul, Christ, his spirit takes.

At last I kneel before my Princess, her hand upon worn pommel upon mine,
Fuller stain'd with the conquered blood, point to foible worn dull from the slash
Her hand brushes the scarred worn face

Eye to eye, though still on my knee I sleep - and breathe my last 
        Her kiss upon my lips unto eternal sleep until called forth again I rise
            To raise my sword again and ****** against the horde unleashed as blood cold
        Runs like river deep in Spring thaw o'erflowing banks from a far land 
laughter cackling on the shore and my curse endure again bared

Poor lost and wicked child.
Your victory my death
My death, your defeat.

For I shall live on forever and your dreams haunt as surely as if I were there
E'en though you deny it

My Princess stands protected again, with raised sword and shield, enveloped by my wing
My breath from her I draw - sweet like honey's kiss - and I sleep in eternal bliss.

John James Stanley Whyte
why would you not
do what was right
man of the cloth
man of the sea
(at least in uniformity)
privileged hypocrite
evader of consequence
Doctor of Divinity
all that's divine
about you, is me

Used my mother
because you could
refused to acknowledge
you're in my blood
was it due to the class divide
that you found it so easy
to throw us aside?

Whenever she wanted
to punish me
she'd list the ways
I took after you
say I was created
in your image
say that your visage
was mirrored in me
that the nose I hated
was exactly like yours
and that was hard to take

She showed me a cutting
someone sent to her
from the Scotsman I think
or perhaps some local rag
from Edinburgh, where you were
saying you'd been bound over
for indecent exposure
from the window of your Manse
where you stood naked
though whether ***** it did not say

And she'd beg me
not to turn out like you
and I would ask
in my innocence
what she meant by that
"He's a ladies' man" she'd reply
and I had no clue
what she meant by this
yet even then
the idea of nakedness
sent a tingle up my spine
though I didn't like
what I had to show
felt it wasn't really mine

You had a life of comfort
while ours was hand to mouth
did anything ever stick to you
did your conscience ever twinge
did you ever even wonder
what became of me?
I'm not sure why I never yet
tried to track you down
perhaps it shows my utter contempt
or on the other hand
maybe I felt being rejected once
was once more than enough
and a second time would be
two more than I should take
yet at times I wonder
what fate had in store for you
because if your karma
didn't catch up with you
it sure as hell got me

Cynthia Pauline Jones 23/9/2013