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valentina Oct 2017
I familiarize myself with the feeling
Because home never felt so distant
I will familiarize myself with my body
And hug the tight curves
And soft imperfect flesh walls
Scarred bruised burned and cratered
This is what home is
This is where I will live
It shouldn’t feel like I’m moving in all over again
But I’ve wanted to move out so many times
I will listen to my arm
It whispers sweet nothings into the holes
Scattered across my body
I live in the walls that cover my eyes
I do leave often though
Not forever
When I first met you
you could barely stand
yourself

your words
not mine

It wouldn’t have been fair
asking you to stand with me

Unfair to me
not you


I see you question yourself now


“Can they see?”
“Do they know?”

You know you only hide
masks
shells
I laugh because you’ve even tried fur

Some see
Some know

And you pray
To see them before they see you

And you pray
To know them before they know you

I’ll say a French sigh instead of writing it
Anyway

You play a game called self
Id like to ask you some questions
but you already knew that didn’t you


© Christopher F. Brown 2017
If I ever become famous
I want to tell you

The Oakland that raised me
has changed

Its spirit is still the same
but
its body
its composition
-or at least the parts I knew-
are irrevocably different
from what I knew

The house that my grandmother lived in

for over 30 years

was fashioned to four bedroom
800k
two-story cottage
never mind the generations worth we had their already

Something similar happened to the homes my aunts lived in
Something similar happened to the homes my friend’s aunts lived in

The once cozy and comfy street corners in the
Black Neighborhood
began to be filled with **** attics asking for food and money
pulling fat bloated dogs behind them.

The once cozy comfy street corners in the
Black Neighborhood
that use to be outposts for Muslims selling newspapers and bean pies
turned to base settlements for those in need that had the cleverest sign

They tell me now that I’m from

“Old Oakland”

The smells from the Granny Goose and Mother’s cookie’s factories
still fills Stonehearst’s playground when I dream that of a time gone by


Old Oaklanders Remember

When you could hop on the bus and get a hotlink from Flints
We Remember taking the BART to the colosseum station and seeing
Our Mural
on hallowed ground.
Panthers, Politicians, and everyday People
Reflecting Us
By Us

That’s gone now

Across the street is the
New Mural
on capitalist ground
Patriotic Propaganda
Reflecting someone miles away
By someone that’s just getting paid

There is even a shuttle that takes you directly to the airport now
No more interacting with the locals

Old Oaklanders Remember

When Raiders moved to LA
We welcomed them back
Now they are moving to LV
Its an Oakland thing
you wouldn’t understand


The New Oakland wants to Fight The Old Oakland
Its want to take Laney away
(a small part it says)
and build
The New A’s Stadium

The Small Part it wants isn’t Big enough
to do the new thing they want to do
Us Old Oaklanders know how this goes
the small little part
for the new little thing
gets bigger and bigger until all

The Old is Gone


If I ever become famous
I want to tell you

The place that manufactured the mold of my making is under new management
Even the surrounding areas have transformed


Downtown Berkley once had a cornucopia of bookstores with blocks of one another
Crystal and smoke shops
mom and pop knickknack shops that sold real Ethiopian coffee
40 year old pen shops
30 year old record shops

All gone

They have restaurants now

The strip of Telegraph or University where you could once see
Rockers with 8 inch spiky green Mohawks
Getting high with
Burnt out hippies
and Keeping the peace and spreading the love with
North Oakland Generals

has all been replaced

Conservative A type international students studying
STEM or accounting and finance that all
“hate it here”
But want to make a lot of money
and will when they are done
and will make more when they build their empire back home

That is the Downtown Berkeley you see.

If I ever become famous
and someone goes looking about the places where my feet traveled
and the body of my youth laid
I want to tell you

You wont find it

“Old Oakland”

Only exists in the hearts of the Old Oaklanders
Living in parts far and wide

They have even stopped calling North Oakland
North Oakland

Now its

Temescal,
Some far reach of Emeryville
or even a direction of Berkeley

but its not
Its Oakland

And it will always be Oakland




© Christopher F. Brown 2017
aa Jul 2017
I know I'm good at faking it,
because my entire life is make-believe.
.

#f
“You wanna go to the crystal shop with me?
  Maybe some coffee?”

First things we said

Buying matching bullhorns
for later


I’ll show you how to wrap sage
leaves
You can show me how to build
a fire

Lucky
Blessed
Charmed
Happy

We didn’t have to wait
long


We’ll make a pact


We’ll promise to grow old
Side by side
We know we’re already
Dead

This was the first time
We understood


Oui



© Christopher F. Brown 2017
I’ve met my soulmate
A few times now

- Maybe more-

Only in this life time though


I met him once in his past life
He spoke Portuguese
I only thought in Kiswahili  

Once I met him when I realized
Past and future lives are really just extensions of the one you live
presently

Once

-a few really-
Which cause me more sorrow than anything
Not at all the confusion past and negative everyone elses said I should have

He was a she

Because of my soulmate
I learned that,

“Love at first sight”

Is just a literary device

Because of my soulmate
I learned that,

“Happily Every After”

Only exist in the land of make believe.


© Christopher F. Brown 2017
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