I just wanted to look out over the city one last time.
I tried to mitigate the mess.
I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.
I just don’t want to do it anymore.
I’m ready to be forgotten and to forget.
We don’t need to talk about this.

Who thinks he is a hummingbird.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

But try to convince yourself you did it for
You.

The back of my throat tastes like you.
But the older you.
The “suburbs of Baltimore that I never bothered to learn” you.
The “back when we were happy” you.
I still can’t place your flavor.
Is it the gin?
Or the honey?

You hurt me and that’s why I keep coming back to you.

I like the way you crack and rearrange my bones to fit into the holes of your night sky.

But I am no North Star.

You’ll find no solace in the soft glow of my distant implosion.

The darkness is creeping in, and I can’t see anything around it.
I’m scared.

I’ve always avoided the movies that make you jump-- you know the ones that give you nightmares, even after they end-- but now reality is one big horror film.

I’m gonna throw up.