My heart was broken by my first love for many reasons,
yet none were sufficient enough to give me closure.
I know she will never love me again,
At least not the way she used to.
Yet despite the empty space and the vast distance between us
I cannot give up or further myself from her.
Why can I not just let her go?

The world says to me that I'd be doing us both a favor.
One last act of love. "Let her go".
Get a life, be free, be better, "Let her go".
Focus on yourself, push yourself, "Let her go".
It'll come with time, don't try so hard. Just... let her go...
Yet despite what the world will tell me,
how easy others drop and move on.
I believe it's facade, a mask covering their feelings.
Nobody but the internet knows I haven't moved on.
It's easy to put on a mask and pretend you have let her go.

But I ask of you, when the pain a year ago is still as fresh today,
how does one... actually... "Let her go"

Are u playing with me?
Because whenever i turn over and see your direction
Your already looking at me like we have some sort of connection
But if i see you in the hallway with your friends
That connection somehow ends

How do u really feel?
Do u really want something real?
I mean your texts tell me one thing
But is this just gonna be a summer fling?
Sometimes i can't even tell you really want me
Because when your with others u say “ who is she”
Like if u didnt know who i am
And i'm over here like “****”
U know it hurts
Feeling like you're dragging me in the dirt

At this point im blocking u
Im sure u would have no clue
Learning to move on is hard
Especially since u left me scarred
But i guess this is life
Even tho it feels like u stabbed me with a knife

I'm not getting revenge
I'll just sit over at our bench
Reminiscing from when i thought u actually cared
At this point i think u just got dared
But i'm over it
Were officially split
I hate how u actually did play with me

It would've been our 1 year today
But I ended it in May
I still don't understand why u lied
And when i confronted u u still denied

that u didnt do anything
What happened to giving me the “ring”
I guess this is what I get for trusting u again
Was I really that naive then?

I don’t think its fair
I thought u actually cared
And the thing is i knew
that what u promised me wasn't true
But i gave u the benefit of the doubt
And now all I wanna do is shout


I dont hate u but im still mad
I havent seen u in months and i'm glad
Because i know i would say something
What u did to me felt like a bee sting

I wish i never met u
And what i went through
I will never forget
I remember how upset
I was on May 29
But u seemed fine


I still remember the look on your face
I know the exact place
But u probably don't even remember
What happened in december
It would've been our 1 year today
But i had to end it in May

If you forget me
You'll see me in your dreams

If you forget me
You'll see something
that reminds you of me

If you forget me
You'll end up back
into our messages

If you forget me
You'll see the big teddy bear I gave you
when turned into a teenager

If you forget me
When November 19 comes
you'll want to say “happy birthday”

If you forget me
You'll see our old pictures
from when we used to have fun

If you forget me
When you're dancing in the rain
You'll remember that day we danced in the rain and then got sick

If you forget me
You'll find a new friend
And realize that we are similar in many ways

If you try to forget me
All the memories are going to
come back to you all at once

If you try to forget me
You'll look up at the stars and you'll remember
when we tried to count all the stars but just gave up

If you try to forget me
You'll remember what you did
And you'll feel guilt and regret from it

Don't try to forget me
Because the more you push those memories away
The more you're going to have them
and the more you're going to miss what we had

The more that thought of what you did is going to be there
While feeling guilty and ashamed that you could do that

Trust me i tried to forget you
Because i was shocked and hurt
when i found out what you did

I wanted to put that in my past
Pretend like nothing happened
Kind of like when we did something
We weren't supposed to
And we pretended like it never happened
That's how i wanted it to be

I wanted it to feel like i was a little kid again
“Forgiving and forgetting”
But i only got to the forgiving part
Never to the forgetting
But I  learned to accept it

So don't try to forget me…

I'm trying to move on, but my heart won't let go.

I might not be texting you, or even seeing you. But, I'd respond in a heartbeat should that notif pop up on my phone.

I may not greet you like I did on the daily, but even a year later... you're still the last thought when I fall asleep.

It may no longer be the blissful smiles, and instead be the tearful cries. But I miss you and I think about you.

January 30, 2025

I will write today. I will write about something totally abstract, but the knots will untangle and form a photo of you. I will try to ignore you, I will try to not write about you, but today, I will fail.

September 28, 2033

I will have forgotten about you for many years, and on this day, when I go to write a grocery list, your name will flow out of my pen. I feel like a fire when I think of you.

June 22, 2056

I will remember you today, and I will be okay with it. I will think about you with a smile on my face, and I will be content.

June 16, 2091

Today is the day I will die, and when seven seconds of my happiest moments are flashing through my mind, I will not see you once, and I will perish with a smile.

when you tell them incontrovertibly
for the hundredth time
you're never coming back

be prepared

it still hurts when they pull away

but after each time you say it
the next breath
is fuller than the last
your wings
wider than moments before
and the vast distant horizon
more brightly painted than you've ever seen