9:32
something feels off
not wrong
but tonight will be rough

9:47
my chest hurts
so much
i feel trapped in this shell of myself

10:04
dizzy, shaking, afraid
laying on the bathroom floor
nobody can see me

10:12
ive started to cry
too dizzy to stand
cant open my eyes
my body is wrong

10:19
it will never be over
drying the tears
time go back
be who they want me to be

my body is a house
but
someone else lives there

my body is a house
but it's not mine
i'm just visiting

My skin doesn't feel right
it doesn't feel right to breathe.
It doesn't feel right to wear a dress.
It doesn't feel right what in the mirror, I see.
This body doesn't belong to me.
These lips are not mine.
The luscious hair I cut off, still not mine.
My grandmother calls me two-spirit.
I call myself an error.
Because you see,
I am a boy.
Stuck in a girl's body.

My breath shortens
it gets harder to breathe
I feel like cutting
I wish I was at ease.
My dad says he understands, but I think not.
Because if you did, he wouldn't be calling me a girl.
Why hasn't he, I thought.
My mind is screaming at me
WHY WAS I A GIRL
WHY CAN'T I BE A GUY
WHY CAN'T I USE THE BATHROOM WITHOUT BEING SPAT ON
WHY CAN'T I HAVE SOMETHING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS
WHY CAN'T I HAVE NO *******
WHY CAN'T I HAVE FLAT HIPS

to be trans is to have you live expectancy slipt into half
to be trans is being homesick in your body
to be trans is being hated by people ** claim to preach love

to be trans is beautiful
to be trans is beautiful
to be trans is beautiful
I repeat myself because I am trying to convince myself
to be trans is beautiful

mom i am trying to tell you something
i didn't **** your daughter
i cant **** a person who never existed

if only you knew how hard it is to know
that i will never be free
if only you knew how it feels to need to
claw my skin off

i am tired of waking up
knowing who i am
while everyone uses the wrong name
the wrong pronouns
because no, it is not just a pronoun
it is validation and i know I shouldn't
need that **** but
i do

i feel broken in my
own bones
i want to get out of my skin
i want to change the unchangeable

my chest
my voice
my face
my everything feels wrong

I feel like crawling out
of my skin
ripping my chest off
and running away from my body

i just want it gone
just let this pain end