Fear hurts.
No matter how happy I am, there is always fear.

When it’s dark at night, there is fear.
Fear crawls underneath the blanket with your beating heart.

When you eat an ice cream cone, there is fear.
Fear slides onto your tongue, along with the sweet, frozen cream, and makes its way down your throat.

When you squeeze a pillow, fear will be there,
refusing to exit your mind.

Fear, why won’t you exit my mind?
It never leaves me..

But fear is what keeps you going everyday.

When you climb a great pine tree,
you feel glad, happy, strong, though never fearless
for fear’s there lurking in the needles right there with you.

When the sweetest pitbull licks your face with it’s oh so soft tongue,
you fear that it will leave you.
When your phone rings,
you fear of who it is.

Fear makes me fearless

When you play, you still fear.
You don’t even know what you fear but
fear is everywhere.
It doesn’t make sense.
Fear doesn’t make sense.

Fear is fear.

When fear comes along
Fear is your best friend
Fear makes me dance.

When you love something,
you fear that it will go away.

You fear of yourself.
You fear of the world.

Fear comes to make life harder,
to make you sad,
to make you scared,
but your heart is full of joy so you just sit at the kitchen table,
eating donuts with a side of fear.

You may love fear, you drink it like it’s coffee,
but you hate fear even more.

We never had enough when we were young.
We never needed much, but the exact amount was unknown.
We never got enough; toys food or clothes.
We didn't need that much, so "barely" was the most.

We never got enough of your time.
We didn't understand, the eldest not yet nine.
We didn't get enough, affection or warmth.
We never took for granted, but your time spent was short.

We didn't want more than enough, somehow understanding all you had.
We never asked for much: to play or share or cuddle.
We never got that, you liked to stay in your bubble.
We didn't ask for this, to be born, or brought into your life.

We didn't choose the love, or the lack thereof.
We didn't need the money, you hid away from us.
We had enough for us four, your greed was just because.
We had enough, We had enough, We had enough.

We had enough time, to learn proper affection.
We had enough vocabulary for simple conversation.
We had enough feelings, to know you didn't care.
We were not selfish, so why didn't you share?

Was it that we weren't enough, you needed a new man?
Was it that we weren't calm enough, it got out of hand?
Was it that you didn't have enough, of the finer things in life?
Was it that you didn't think enough, before becoming an underage wife?

Now we live out our lives, believing we aren't enough.
Now we live out our lives, always trying to be more, never being enough.
Now we live out our lives, working hard at enough.
Now we live out our lives, still not understanding the problem wasn't us.

I need to break free from these binding thoughts holding me down and tearing me up mind and heart racing in sync wondering if I'll fly or I'll sink I'll probably fall attempting to jump this wall of insincerity living or dying its all just the same dates in some notebook no hall of fame live your life but not my way just yours I have no choice but to come when you call down at your feet is where I will fall drawing me in with false love and hope  controlling my life like I'm some sort of dope I am not finished don't interrupt me until I say what I say I'm using my voice I'm calling your name now listen to me or get out of the way

I can still hear your voice
Your whispers of painful truths
Your hands slide around my waist
I have to suppress a shiver of disgust

I can still feel your fingers
Curled tightly around my wrist
In a bruising grip
Your anger coats the room

I can still hear the sound
Of things thrown around your room
Yelling and screaming
The panic rising in me

I can still feel your breathe on my neck
The memory makes me shudder
Possessive hands on my hips
“You’re mine” is supposed to be endearing right?

I can still hear your rules
Echoing in my head
Don’t talk to them, don’t go out
Don’t you dare disobey me

I can still feel every bruise
I can hear all the horrible things you told me
I am worthless
Who could want me, besides you?

I may still hear you
I may still feel you
But I do not need you
And someday, I will not believe you

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You said you wanted these eyes in your sights for the rest of your life
You want the heart and soul of me but you deny the whole of me
You forgot about my wings
Those hulking, iridescent things
They sit on my shoulder blades and long for the skies
Even I migrate to warmer climes where I might find my piece of mind.
Out of the two of us, I find it is I who follows the teachings of Christ
Of love for all, and forgiveness too
But I also follow ipheginia, boudicca, Joan of ark and any other woman who had her spark quenched by a man
I know you did not mean to rein me in
Your fear was your scalpel, and you clipped my wings
I know now why the caged bird sings
And I know why the house bird hisses when you bring him food
He longs for the open skies
Doesn't care what lies beyond the curtain
And if in the end he dies, at least it'll be on his own terms.
You didn't inflict a cage on me
I tore those wings from seam to seam
Thinking that wanting you should be enough for me
That wanting anything more was heresy
You made me think a part of me was broken.
That it was selfish to fly south for winter,
Even if I'd die in the cold.
You always used to shout at the birds when they sang too loud,
And I wonder how I didn't know before.
You said you wanted these eyes in your sights for the rest of your life
But if we did that
We'd never be apart.