there is a hum in the backdoor of my mind
collecting all the dead birds and spare parts that
have lost their shine
i haven't got anywhere to put them
so theyve coloured in my entire house
feathers swamp the living room
powders of rust inhale the kitchen
and for years i could've cracked my fingers, taken off my shoes, dug up the broom and swept the floors
clean
but ive grown used to the company,
that can't possibly hurt me,
of broken things that mostly lie still

there's a lot on my mind and not a lot of ways to say it
to say exploding from within would be an understatement

I feel as though my mind has become confetti
Thrown across the room
I can't direct it or control where it lands
I can't control or plan
My mind meanders on its own going where I wish it would not go
I try and pick up the confetti and bring it back together
I try and gather my thoughts
And instead they become deeper
I cannot focus them where I want and they're uncontrolled and cluttered
I wish to start over clear and content
But the confetti has already been thrown
It's fine in the air
It's mixed with everything around it
And nothing can undo it
How unfair

A stampede of elephants
Running through the rooms of my mind
As their legless bodies ask
"How?"

A toucan flies to rest on a thought
With two million and two branches reaching towards my heart.
"How many cans can a toucan can if a toucan could can cans?"

Now this monkey must be joking
Those are my feelings he's holding.
And he continues to toss them about.
He peels off the skin and throws it over his shoulder
And takes one big bite out of the happiest one.

And this little duck waddles,
Left foot, right foot.
The left side is fine, but his right
Sends a nerve that clenches a fist to a glass window.

"Quack, quack."

Snip snap,

And there goes the vertebrae in my spine.

half scribbled thoughts
written with darkness
cover sheets and sheets of paper
and litter the floor
of my already disorganized mind.