Something died in me today
When tears started falling down
By themselves
Something died in me today
When my soul started screaming for help
Something died in me today
And I will never be the same again

I need a hug
hug so tight
even though it may break my bones
I need a hug
someone to hug me
someone to never let me go
someone to make my cold body warm
someone who will make my soul smile
I just need a hug

somewhere between places
I will run into a river
that will carry me to another place
to escape all the lies he told me
to escape all the voices that make me feel like I am a burden
to escape all the pain I feel
to escape this mad world I am in
wishing I could stay there forever
in my own peace of mind
in my magicland

Well, I don't need no injections.
I take my meds on time.
I don't need no injections.
I haven't done no crime.

I'm just a little moody.
And that's okay with me.
I don't need no injections.
******* and let me be.

I’ve been sad so long I’m afraid of what it means
When the world isn’t weighing down on me
Don’t know what to carry when it’s not heavy.
I’m skeptical when I’m happy,
Unsure of my identity when it’s easy,
Feel suspicious when I’m breathing freely.
Who am I when the sea isn’t tumultuous?
Lost when times are prosperous?
What do I do when I can’t trust this?
I’m uncomfortable with the blank spaces empty of mental illness.
Who am I when there’s no battle to be faced?
I feel hollow and out of place
Like I am made of clay that hasn’t quite taken shape.
I want to be someone when there’s no foe to vanquish
Have a meaning beyond my aguish.
I know there’s more to me than sickness,
But I feel no strength without my weakness.
How do I become the person I am meant to be?
How do I find myself when I am happy?

Sing me a sin,
And I’ll write you a love poem.
Ask for my soul,
And I’ll trade you some bones.

Collect all my pieces
Like baseball cards.
Tell me to leave my mark,
And I’ll give you new scars.

Write me a symphony
With the sound of have nots.
I’ll bury your sorrow
Where it gives way to rot.

Tell me you’re an animal
Ready to unleash desire.
I’ll tell you I’ve been burned
And keep away from your fire.

If my innocence attracts,
You’ll be sadly disappointed,
For it’s locked in a cage,
And my pain I’ve anointed.

I’ll be in white
On my day of all days,
And if you want to be there,
You better learn how to stay.

I am not a tragedy,
But I won’t hide my scars.
If you want to bear witness,
You must view depression’s old art.

There is a door that is locked,
But if you want to make love,
You must take care not to startle
And your hands must be gloved.

Don’t keep secrets from sinners
If you haven’t been a saint.
Show me your care,
And I’ll show you my stain.

You're talking in circles
And ever so fast

Lie after lie
You're trying to pass

Drinking and Drugging
Are making it worse

You think that it's helping
It's really a curse

You want money from me
That I can't do

You think that it's love
If only you knew

True love is resisting
Your pleas in the night

Your angry words hurt
I don't want to fight

If I ever give in
To your devils I fear

It will **** you for sure
And we'll both disappear

Finally doing laundry,
It’s been two months.
As I sit and I fold,
Careful not to leave wrinkles,
I can’t help but think,
How many more times will I have to pick up the pieces?

As I drive in my car,
Careful to go the speed limit,
The wind caressing my face and arm
As it blows through my windows,
I feel the melancholy sink in.
How much longer will I ache for what has been?

It’s sunny and the warmth radiates downward,
Embracing my body as if to say “Welcome back”.
I can finally feel it again,
My skin is a part of me,
Something I can feel.
How many more times will I lose this feeling?

I’ve spent weeks in a chemical haze,
But not one of my doing.
My brain had once again said “Too much”
And shuddered to a halt,
Spinning out on its way to a restless place.
How much longer will I suffer this fate?

Everything is different,
But it all feels the same.
I’m coming back now from a tiresome journey.
A blast from the past,
I am still exactly who I was four years ago.
How many more times will I lose my sanity?

As I pick up the pieces,
I can’t help but wonder,
How long will I exist in this cyclical race?
When they gave me the pills,
They gave me a life sentence.
How much longer will I last in this unstable state?

Unfortunately, I know.
This is a life sentence.  
I will always be at the mercy of these highs and those lows.
There will be reprieves from time to time,
But it will always crumble once again. So I ask myself…
How many more times can I pick up the pieces?