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Jill 7d
When drinking far too much and then some more
Expected downsides documented well
Rough ride in psyche, body, gut, and heart
Specific atrophy in frontal brain
Quick charm and nutty humour now all shell

These changes, bad alone, but all combined
Resulting rolling snowball to a curse
No more the looming risks are sharp perceived
No more a likely readiness to change
Slow-building damage cures cannot reverse...

The body
then the brain
then the readiness to change


In adding to the insults body-wise
Dear close relationships will suffer ill
And ringing loud the chant of "change yourself"
while far and getting further from the change
All options feel like holds against thin will

The heavy stigma punches surely down
More evidence for judging soul as dirt
Not worthy of the care or patient time
That social justice would dictate for all
No room for being tricky, lost, and hurt...

The stigma
then the hurt
then the treating you like dirt


And even those with training in support
Will waver, shifty, turn their gaze away
Unable to identify the soul
That suffer-trembles underneath the mask
The clowning chaos, drink-besmirched display

And carers left to weep and wonder why
Should care be so impossible to give
Your daughter damaged, injured in the fight
With drowned despair and stigma-staking rage
Sad, wounding warmth that shame will long outlive...

The weeping
then the care
then the shaming and despair


"We just can't help if you can't change yourself"
So in this caring, wounding, weeping storm
Just conjure up the readiness to change
Or cede to judgement, shifting gaze, and blame
©2025
the drunken door is open    issuing fumes
the loss of what society betrays    a deflated relaxed option
                                                          ­of empty rebellion

season away life   in mood with loss
fumed with the doorway    and its dark yawn
i am reminded of putting fruit flies 'to sleep'
                            in a school lab class
11/02/25
I drink when I awaken;
I drink until I sleep.
I drink for what I
should forget,
And drink for what
I'll keep.

I drink for all that I
Have lost;
I drink for what I've
Found.

I drink when all my
Friends are here,
And when they aren't
Around.

On every morn',
I have a drink,
To rouse me from
My bed,

And every night
I drink to sleep
When I lay down
My head.

I drink when life
Comes over me;
And when I wish
For death.

I drink because
The 'sober' me
Deserves to not
Draw breath.

I drink when I feel
Happy;
And drink when I'm
Depressed.

And drink to calm my
Racing thoughts;
Allow my mind
A breath.

I've drank for over
Twenty years;
They haven't been
The best...

I'll drink for long as
I am here,
And drink until my death.
A poem about my alcoholism. To those who are "true" alcoholics like I am,  (started at 15, cannot just quit cold turkey or the shakes come first, and the hallucinating and convulsions after) I write this to let you know you aren't alone. And to those who have managed to overcome this affliction,  I wish you truly the best. As for me? I probably don't have too much time left, but I think I'll keep on. Sometimes it's better to have a little relief than a lot of pain I can't handle. And nobody can stand me when I'm sober; not even myself.
Thomas W Case Jan 21
It's hard to understand, unless
you've been there.
There is a pull to the streets.
I can't count how many dead
end jobs I've held—how many roach
infested rooms I've
crashed in.
The inevitable day comes when
I tell the boss, '*******, I don't need this ****! '
I walk out into the misty
afternoon—I look left, then right.
I drowned out thoughts of the future with
a cheap pint of *****.

I see one eye George on my travails,
he's half-lit—living in the woods.
'Don't let the ******* get you down.' He says, as he
stumbles by bent, and taking a standing eight count.
Mickey the ****** stops me a
block from my flop-house.
'Tommy boy, I'm sick…gotta a couple of bucks so
an old drunk can get well? '
I slip him a five.
He says with a tear in his eye,
'God bless you Tommy—you know I
had it all, I'm afraid the
streets own me now.'
'Keep your chin up' I say as
I plummet down the
street, pretending
tomorrow is a decade away.

I climb the three flights of
stairs to my room,
slip the key in the lock,
turn the ****—it opens.
'I love these little miracles' I say under
my breadth.
My three-legged cat Walter saunters up to
me—he's white with marmalade splotches.
He does his best to rub up against
my leg—I pet his matted fur.

I passed out in an alley one
night, and woke up to Walter lying next to me.
I think something crawled into
my ear and made a home,
it's been there ever since.

I crash down on my chair,
and watch Walter scratch at
the door with his one front leg.
He hasn't been neutered—he gets the
pull of the streets.
I let him out and take a long swig of
the *****—the potion does its magic.
Life doesn't look so bad,
there will be other jobs, and I still have
two weeks left in this
dump of a room.
A writer needs four walls—yet there is
always
the pull of the streets.
Here is a link to my you tube channel where I read this poem and others. (Music by Tom Waits)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZptFkj_ezoo
cleo Jan 13
empty wine bottles in your room
when i wake up, sometimes,
i still reach for you

empty glass bottles
rattling around in the backseat
why do i still think of you
cleo Jan 13
very start of the new year
empty wine bottles hidden in your bin
i couldn’t be around that, you knew this
what the **** were you thinkin’
cleo Dec 2022
topo chico clinking in the backseat
reminds me of when i found the
empty something-else in your recycling

(sheesh)

driving me bonkers
that i still crave to kiss you
it’s the little things
that help me not miss you

bought me the wrong kind of candy for a late valentine’s
and maybe i shouldn’t care as much as i do
but i couldn't help the eerie feeling creeping inside
that things wouldn’t ever be what they used to
celeste Dec 2024
a white picket fence; half in between
where men made bruises and batter
women kept secrets hidden in their lips
throwing away the keys

running to plastered trailer walls
a home i thought it could be
that peeled at its seams
my father tried to keep his hands rough enough
for the dirt to fall off of my skin,
his arms to comfort me
so much could only stand an amount of time
after barbecuing underneath overgrown peach trees,
shopping for strawberry lip gloss at mall city
now laying in piles of clothes,
behind brown leather sofas,
in a chipping bath with a jug of Hennessy,

his hollowness followed me in midnight internet schemes
where i thought love would soon be
only to find men calling to make more batter
and i soon, became a women of locked lips
answering with clothes off, her hair *******
in attempt to make a new white picket fence dream,
half in between
Thomas W Case Dec 2024
Many years
ago, I went to
this little
Irish bar.
On Sunday nights,
there was a jazz band.
They played
Monk
Mingus
Coltrane
Miles
and the Duke.

I drank gallons of
****** marys on
those hot
summer nights.
Dill pickle spears, and
green olives came up
later on those
hungover, dreamless
mornings.

I was young.
I wasted the days,
lying in the sun,
bayonetted by youth.
Copper colored skin,
tin soul.
I would go thousands
of miles, chasing
that train, before I
would be forgiven.
Here is a link to my you tube channel where I read my poetry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMvnUCN6Rmc
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