Water’s scorching
Caressing my spine
Wounding me, a thousand hornet stings
Do not flinch
Only move closer
Temperature rises
Embracing the pain
This is how it remains hidden
Out of sight
-my secret to keep

it starts off small
the noise does

the longer I stare
the louder it gets

the hungrier i become
the less I want to eat

i’m worried all the time
like if I start, I can’t stop

if I don’t, then I won’t have to

-it controls my life
and now I’m scared

when I have to
it’s very little

hardly any, to none at all
the trick is always staying busy

the busier I am
the quieter the noise

which eventually fades
in to nothing at all

-the hardest habit to break
is the easiest ritual to follow

one line at a time
more addicting than coke
-i deserve this
this is my punishment
-for my cruelty
my self inflicted pain
scheduled payment
‘tis my debt
owed to karma
she’s more relentless
than a mortgage broker
she knocks three times
-at no specific time
always unannounced
makes herself at home
-so much so
that I feel like a stranger
to my own homestead
-lifelong debt

my skin burns like dry ice
being branded by the history
-of every mistake I’ve ever made
“when does it end?”
“where does it stop?”
if it’s forever
hang it around me like a noose
put me out of my agony
-this suffocation is unbearable.

i am nothing
short of a rage room
for those who cannot
cope and heal
they come
they release
-they leave

stray dog,
please stop begging.
i could afford to feed you once,
and i vowed not once more.

stray dog,
please stop returning.
i can’t afford the pet deposit,
and i can’t leave you a place outside to sleep.

stray dog,
please don’t get excited,
as i load you into a carrier in the car,
and i head to the nearest shelter.

stray dog,
you are lost and seeking a home,
and i’m protecting you from the place
you think you’ve grown to know.

colby,
i hear that’s what you go by now.
i hope your forever home treats you well;
i’m moving next week.