my head hurts
i don't know if its from the light from my phone
it probably is let's be honest
or from thinking of you
i think about you a lot though and have never suffered anything more than heartache
so im going to go with the former

i love the smell of salt in my hair
the feel of sun kissing my skin
i love the moon and her friends when they're reflected across the water
i love the sand that never leaves me and the shells that sit patiently in my pocket
waiting for me to admire them
and i love how fast the day goes and how when i run on the beach i think of nothing except of the air that goes in and out of my lungs
and how its impossible that this me
this me with a smile on her face simply because the cold water makes her happy
is the same girl who cries and screams when her body finally can't hold her feelings anymore and she overflows
because how can that girl exist when the ocean is reminding me to breath
the tide pulls in and out

the odds of us being alive are basically zero
so us existing at the same time is pretty extraordinary to me

even though i don't believe in heaven and gods and "everything happens for a reason"
i like the idea that some things are like fate
that they're destined to happen no matter what
that our relationship was so magnificent
that the stars crossed right just for us
and i mean even if fates not real and i just lucked out
just existing at the same time in history at the exact same place as you is amazing

i never noticed how much humans express through touch until it wasn't an option anymore
never realized
that fast hugs because you're nervous i won't reciprocate
and play fighting
and jabs in the ribs after jokes
and tackles in warm cement
your smiling face pressed staring back at mine
and when our hands used to touch on accident
were so important to me until i couldn't do them
ur so close yet so far

i think im scared of love
of handing myself over to someone
of letting them bask in my secrets and knowing me deeply
of someone knowing who i am through and through even though i don't know that yet
so instead i trick them
i give them pieces of myself and make them seem important
i give them insignificant  details so they trust me
i trick myself into thinking that they love me
when all they love is the version of me that i play when i stand in front of them

the moon is my friend
she cradled me in my past life
she handed me to my mother when it was time for a new one
she gave me fruit when i was younger
sometimes she leaves
but she always returns

when the living finally sleep and our minds go blank
we escape into the clouds and that's when we can see the stars up close
and reunite
dead and alive
stars and not stars

when we die we turn into stars
we live in the sky
and at night our light covers the living like a blanket
and in the day we watch over them
and even though they can't see us
we are there

I open myself
Beware of silver tongues
The devil places
People in your life
Just as the Angels do

She took a part of me
She knew exactly what she was doing
With my soul
And I, young
Not jaded enough
Fell into the well
I fell into being used
But you didn't get much, huh?

She wasted her time
With someone who presented
Such a simple mind
But if she couldn't dig deep and find
The person I've been trained to hide
She wasn't worth my time
Then why can't I get this demon
From my head?

I've tried
Yet the memories
My brain rings embarrassing
Replay to me at night
Did I truly think I had a chance?
With 100 pounds of nonsense?
Sure, I tried
Forget that waste of time
In time,
I'll forget that waste of time