Time spins circles of recurrences
I'm never sure if it's the past or present
The effect you have on me,
Cares nothing for time
It is immune
No defences to wear away
There were never any built
You seep into my consciousness
And surround me with your frequencies
The reverberation of your soul enlivens me
Your energy spellbinds me
Memory and fantasy merge
You words quaver through my senses
Your love keeps me warm
Wish you were never here

On show,
proudly buxom mounds released from the confines of propriety
Your hand grabs hold of the invitation with a rasp
Making my ******* stand up to please you
The groan deep in your throat reminds me of my own
sending me eagerly down to your thighs
Your passive resistance grows with your hardened stance
There's no escaping the inevitable
I have stained you as mine as you have penned your exploding
Desire on my lips and your lips deeper into my open snare
The next time she sees you,
you will have me
written all over your face.

You dont inspire grand poetry
Yet, you have the power to enrage me.
You don't inspire grand gestures
Yet, you can sweep me off my feet.
You are my ordinary everyday love,
A blank uninspired page lending itself
To doodling in the corners.
Grand by definition some believe;
Yet, I know different.
we are eachothers 'for granted'.
A prop, a scaffold,
a rubber mould, ignored...
till our cages are rattled
Then, in a flickered memory,
Shines the extraordinary.
And that doodle explodes to life
All over the page!
But it's not poetry.

oh I pull pieces of love thread from my soul all the time hoping just one is still attched to you

the missing is the worst part

the gaping hole of emotions where the swollen heart overflow pours

does it go where you are?

can you feel me loving you?

can you sense the way i need you near?

awash with fear and dread.

Im afraid to pull another thread,

and still i pull it, hoping each deathly milimeter draws me closer to you

are you still here?

or have you made the unkindest cut of all my cruel dear?

will you answer?

just a little tug

so I'll know

and not worry anymore

a virbrato hug carried upon this thread of ours

anything to stop this ache of mine

I miss you,

I miss you baby,

please dont play games with my head,

where are you dearest?

Im desperately yours

and terrified alone

help me love I beg,

i keep pulling out loose threads!

holding on to my paper love
folded and unfolded
again and again.
the words you sent me
mean nothing now,
but oh so splendid
when they did.
the worn folds
and turned edges
fluffed and whiskered.
simple words on a note
held for many years,
and what you wrote
lay in my hands
a thousand silent
times, and perhaps
a thousand many more.

Shots fired.
Expression of emotion is vital, cathartic.
My words despairingly ugly. Sensorship even  uglier.
I will not  find peace or sanity until i ***** my offense.
Do not negate my reality
with your unempathic offence
A survivor on defense.
The best defence is attack.
I apologise to no one
for the constant exorcism and reinfection of my demons.
You dont have to live with them.
If you take my words
and stuff them back down my throat
with your own pretty pious version of hate
dont think you won't then be a target of offence.
Don't speak for me
Dont correct me
Do not vett me
Do not circumvent or block me
my spite will pour from its source
Deep pain and loss
Regardless of my senses
Of my deliberate take on inhumanity
If you want to be humane step aside
And don't let the filth catch you on its way out!
I will shout down my demons with fire and light
Stand back!
It is done,
When tis done.

What do you feel when theres no empathy that could possibly resonate?
What do say when no words can offer comfort?
What can you do when words freeze at the edges of your lips and dont dare come out because it doesnt begin to cover gape left open?
They might as well plunge to the depths of the abyss.

What can you do?

You hug.

I read the note she left you.

You're as cold as ice on a mountin top
un reachable
my fires lay burning and you cast yourself with curious castrations
Her lips moist and seeping the language of love
and your frigid air does nothing to cool her molten desire
you're a cruel and desolate love scape
fierce fire and savage ice
make for still waters
this puddle
is all I see
reflecting the deep chasm between us,
you refuse to fill.

she signed it-

Yours sincerely,
well past Randy.

I kiss your toes one by one
and wipe your feet like the face of a new born babe,
in the hope that they may trample me lighter.

Love battles on
The wagers of love wreak havock
Senseless emotions bend us to break
Only to Catch eachother before the fall
Hope fades as fast as it lights the way
Fumbling through love scapes as if some great adventure will call forth in climbing to the pinnacle of the mountain of love only to jump off like lemmings holding heartshaped balloons as if its enough...

He drew designs of passion on my naked flesh with his fingertips

the rythym slow and winding delicately, pensively around the tightly wound delicate-est parts of me.

It was as if he were tracing every line, every beauty every imperfection that was my essence in physicality, and on occasion he looked deep into my eyes for further permissions to which I could not answer held hostage by his touch and my indelicate wanting.



The bottom of my lip curled up in a tooth nip constrained the torrernt of love words that threatened to pour from my mouth, breath doing its best to find regulation and all I wanted was to be lost in His adoring admiration floating anywhere in his abyss contented just to stare at his unorthodox beauty, fashioned by his strength and decisiveness and above all the way his soul knew mine.



It was a separation unbearable made more so, by the powerful burning longing ignited by his feathery touch. caught somewhere between sweet Nirvana and torturous Hades;  not sure which toe was dipped in which?  These were fleeting thoughts that brought me through my confusion and closer to the clarity of madness. Eyes now intent on discovering him, devouing him with each twist and turn of his strong limbs. my fingertips begining to free themselves from thier trance, reach hesitantly when finally touched its destination a gasping pleasure realsed its self from his throat as i slowly realise my touch equally burning my own design trails of longing fire. He threatened to lose control of, breathing love and fire passion as the lines of desire's designs brought fourth an achictectural beauty that ochestrated prisimic baptismal fire that no other could have pervaded;  and the words written in the burning flesh had no name just symbols, traced over and over again still not enough to capture meaning. It was all we had but it was enough to sign our love endless to the ages of ages.



some say there is a word that comes so close though many more words are missing, forgotten but still felt penultimate erotismiagapea the unity of all things designed to be craved by love.

The wick was primed, lit and trimmed regular like
the steadfast held on to the faint light of hope
if not for thier all
but all others
they shielded it from the wind
and the rain
and fed it with love and devotion
so it burned steady,
bright but not glaring
and they had to look hard
but all who searched
found it
Then lit their own wicks
primed and trimmed regular like
and just like that
it grew
and love happened
And they became free
because they could finally
see.

The moon wanted to hug me
The stars tried to console me
I was cold, sitting on the edge of a windy cliff bleeding love
And he just stood there till i felt he was gone.

The sound of nothing
is impossible to hear.
Silence is another matter,
it can be heard on occasion.
Silence can be deafening;
but the sound of nothing,
that is something else.
you can never imagine it;
bearable was your silence
but, your nothing it is
far too much to bear.
I block my ears from the sound.
I scream to make not so.
but everytime I stop;
there it is again, nothing.
Please bring me back
your silence,
that at least
I can
comprehend.

Stubborness was a trait defined acutely at your birth. Some rogue star endowing you with a will beyond my own. Till now. Each stagnant pause, each inaction is infact an action forging reactions upon me. Sealing a resolve upon my heart to forsake you. All that remains is the molten wax with the words inscrpited access denied. your new monker imbeded upon my skin. And it seeps darkly red in every corner displacing even the last hope. My heart star has faded.
And i dont care. Are you satisfied now?

words through natures verse

keeps a hold in our hearts mind

perfect even when not.

Your ethereal essence wraps around my senses as I'm drawn to your atmosphere

buring like a Phoenix washed in a new hope
a flash across the bowels of space and time

the call reaches deep into my soul as it rises from the pits of despair and disconnect
oh how I've missed you, aching chasm of yearning hovering over our used to be

your eyes lit like a new day dawning
you have once again remembered me
Love has resurrected

And i slow suspended in your orbit
afraid to venture  any closer
the last millimeter
always spans an infinite chasm
a fiery fanned Dragon floating in limbo
poised,
i wait desperately for your signal
Hovering precariously over your frequency

the blurts cut me more than ever.

ice and cold metal to my warm ferver

blurts of poisoned pain

they spatter me like paint on the floor

the colours change

but the pain moves the same.

flattend and spattered

pain on top of pain

blurt and blurt and blurt again.

hold that evil *******

swallow it down

I cant spread myself

any more than I am.

We float over solvent crystals of life

Glistening in the all glory of our stars might

The wind winding round us

Sweeping up minute glitter

flicking the crystaline particles of life

As sparkles of radiance on our skin

A complement to sparkles in our eyes

A temporal tunnel borrowing the depths of faith

A moment hung in eternity

A transpiring of unspoken gifts and promises

Asilent understanding

A pledge of love in every realm promised

Agreement in the slow blink of an eye

sealed with polite fervour as a

Kiss over the salt waters

Cleansed and anointed by

The salt of the earth and holiness of the

Eternal presence the one who spoke existence

Consecrated by the eternal agapi in the struggle

Of the mystical meanings and the free will of our love.



A living story.

Beautiful days roll by
arms tangled warmly
heart beats dance together
white sheets veil peaks and valleys lightly
a sweet mingling of delicateness
a breath drawn, a breath shared
a beautiful animal contented and sated
rose buds fallen away
flushes of pink remain,
until the lull of resting seeps in
a breath drawn, a breath shared
as beautiful days roll by
arms tangled warmly
heart beats dance together,
white lies veil lightly,
a sweet mingling of delicateness
flushes of pink remain.

Struggling to  stay above the meniscus
Stagnant waters breed contempt
No push, no pull, just demands
Oily film clings in colourful swirls mocking as it suffocates
Each breath cut a micron smallker
A slow agonising drawl off a rabid dogs tooth
Stuck in an endless moment
Confined to a predestined conclusion
All forgone
I've given up on the illusion
Come what may
Its not the wait that kills,
I died a while ago
This is something else entirely  
Futile frustration
Living ends soon enough
After life, however,
is another matter.

God needs no defending
God is love
God is good
What is good is evident
It feels good

God needs no defending
God loves in spite of evil
God chooses us even if we don't choose God
To light The Christ in all of us

To destroy in God's name is defiling
God can love even through this misguided attempt
God needs no defending
All is done through love
For every emotion stems from it
or the lack of it

We are not separate from God
We are collectively God
We can only turn away from ourselves
Placing our faith and trust in man
and the here and now
and you zombies don't know what it means
and you keep on keeping on
believing a fake reality
As if nothing else exists
while discounting the truth in your soul
In the aether, in your heart,
God needs no defending
To do so is to believe that we are greater than the collective
That God is weak
God is enlightened consciousness
Only the blind Christ maims in its own honor
God needs no defending
God only requires choice
The choice to love inspite of evil
To choose us even if we don't choose God
To reveal the Christdom in all of us
God requires no defending
Only choice.

I cruised the city streets today
every look, every gesture interrogated
for signs of you.
every corner wrote a perscription
for a new hope,
only to dissipate in realisation
by the absence of you.
A lead, a clue,
your old jacket,
a pair of shoes,
none lead to your
missing face
I cruised the cityscape
double checked the shadows
to find nothing of you.
No sign.
And I wanted so badly,
to come back to life.

Rain Rain It’s rainining dramatic
Cracks and stumbles
thunderous rumbles
plunging kamikaze droplets
screaming like riotous hordes
drowning out all other sounds
but the crashing of their own
into the rivers of oblivion
engulfing the surface
of all it touches
rushing like the war of ten thousand
but in minutes

the flower opens
the bloom welcomes the shadow
the flower is crushed.

don't think you could ever know me like the stars

don't think you know my number or typography of love

there is a world beyond compare you cannot put asunder me

all the love in the universe lives there

yours too.



so you see,

let it live in my soul

let it seep out of my aching *****

give it free will

and do not restrain it

for when you partake of it

you have touched souls with me

and thus forever

I will remember you.

There it is,
your infectious laugh!
catching me off guard and pulling me into light
smiling glints of warm in your eyes
every slight, every insult lashed upon my grace
forgotten,  melted away,
lost in that throaty yet light warm chuckle,
oozing charm and charisma every time
I am lost in your joy,
hug me close and make me feel alive and real
kiss my love with your soul
wrap me in your happiness
its the only kind I live for...

the sound of nothing
is impossible to hear.
Silence can be heard.

reeking of originality, heart, soul in poignant beauty or righteous pain,
intellectually multi-dimensional in lieu of the social disparity and ego-maina. quality is a thing of judgement, and the best way to bruise a budding ego. best to leave all that **** at the mind's door and concentrate on expression.

Ink stained tears lace my pages

splatters of lost joys hit the paper

like the slamming door in my face

and my heart thrown to the pavement.



Life has grown dark

Even hope is hiding

not even pinholes of light

have the decency to show.



ink stained tears fill my pages

as pain moves in to marry sorrow

such bedfellows are meant for eachother,

not like Me and you.

Like flesh missing from my bones, your absence screams at me
dry days fold into empty nights that even sleep refuses to visit
the warm of your breath starkly unavailable
life it seems left with you
the heart wants what the heart wants
it cut its self out
what use has it of these dry bones
and this longing disposition
seeking only your return
one dropless beat at a time
I wait for the get down
when your eyes breath life back into mine
and brings the flesh back to these bones

Its hard to find that sparkle in a world intent of flashes

its something I cant put my heart on.

I wish I could.

but I cant. not yet.

I was broken along the way to love

and I think I dont know how to put it all back to what it used to be to be me.

it wasnt stolen. I took it back. but its in pieces.

the only way to get the scars out is to melt it all down

and let it smelter. when it reforms I have a choice over which shape I take,

but I am so afraid of the process,

I cant look at the flashes to catch the spark to light the fire.

it's a new day and I seemed to have crushed those damning thoughts

the sun holds its new perspective over me and I see it through brightened eyes

it is what it is.

no one said to love would be with out heavy costs and sacrifice

the birds still sing everyday despite their troubles

theres somehting to glean from every shadow and dark space.

I am in love with too many gorgeous creatures in too many ways

and I cant save them all.

though it kills even to lose  just one.

unacceptable. intollerable. pittance and suffernation!

alas, to love and lose is a thing so crucial.

it defines love.

it defines you.

and all the tollerances afforded, brings no relief to hearbreak

and these are things I struggle with because they are such beauteous presents wrapped in tragic illustrations

I love the the struggle. it keeps me warm, it keeps me alive, it meters my heart

it changes the beat, it forsakes the dolldrums and the zombie-like dutiful love

it shakes the tree  and as the tree strengthens only the more powerful storms have a baring

untill the end and the tree falls over or breaks in half only to discover a new way of being.


the sun rose today. the wash of bright warmth falls over every delusion, its clear.

The kettle boils gently, its time for coffee;

just me and the sun

this is a bright new day, fresh with no mistakes in it.

yet!

Add another sleepless night to the endless tally,
I will burn the midnight hours still hungering your touch
never finished what we started probably never will.

desires locked in the throes of passionate thoughts,
we can not speak of it at all.

silence...

Oh hell,

Clenching sheets and tossing aches
Ive torn and twisted up every corner of this bed
made every scenerio of it ending in my head
nothing holds up to the great expectation
a pregnant endless pause...

will this night ever end?