i am in love with you.

i am in love with the way
your eyes
curl into crescent shapes
when you’re happy.

i am in love with the way
your laugh
rings through my ears
like wind chimes on a breezy spring day.

i am in love with the way
your cold hands
fit into my warm ones,

and how you look at me
with reassurance i need
when i’m ready to burst into tears.

but i cannot love you
the way you want me to.

(let me explain myself.)

i am in love with the
thought
of you.

i am in love with the
concept
of you.

i am not in love
with
you.

i love you,
my dearest friend.

i do not love you
as my partner.

and i cannot love you
the way you love me.

i cannot give myself completely to you
because i am not
in love.

(and i never will be.)

‘Human life is beyond reason
We are just small pieces, you know’
‘Grains of sand, you know’
‘You don’t seem to understand
I can see it in your eyes, girl’

Then you put your hand
With a cigarette in it to your lips
‘You know, how it seems to me?’ - you say
‘Everything good we had in life now slips…
Please, turn the music up a little bit
My favorite one, heard it before?
Oh, no? you don’t say so!
I should now say ‘get up and go’!
Sorry, you know it – I’m just kidding… I am!
As long as I live I’ll show you the best music, my friend…
This is all that matters in the end’

‘Wanna do something more
Wanna help orphan kids, you know
Guys dying from cancer and aids, you know
But I only keep on buying milk and hotdogs
For the homeless one sleeping at my door…’

‘Wanna do something more
I’VE GOT TO do something more!
We all are selfish, kid, you know
You do know it for sure
Can’t help the others
So, the others won’t help us’


And I…
I just kept listening
I kept on listening and listening
All my attention given to your feelings
In words
And I don’t hesitate to say
I found a soulmate in you
And still I wasn’t that pure
Simply inside my head
Caring
About what we have and had
Comparing
The present and the past
People in general
And our own being at last…

And I was dialing your number
For the whole next day
The voicemail kept on telling
You had gone away

You were so smart; you were so kind
Understanding and ahead of your time
I can’t believe you are gone now
Where?
– I don’t know
I only know forever
Can’t even tell you come back, please
I only know
I will
Forever
Keep you
in my memories

Ginsberg and Whitman,
good **** and bad women,
once shy, twice bitten -
that's my life, all written.