I saw you in my dreams again
the first time in months
I guess my dreams no longer know you like I do
They still crave your presence
and welcome your smile
Back when your arms never felt hollow
before our smiles faded
and promises became harder to follow
My dreams no longer acknowledge that world
they have chosen to forgive you
because I never could
All along I just needed to
forgive myself
So I no longer blame you
for the things that could not be changed
I'll bite my lip and never speak these words
and instead,
**I will see you in my dreams.

He is only 10 he should
be crying beacuse he
feel down,not beacuse
someone called him a ***.

She's only 12,she
should be playing with
makeup,not razors..

He's only 14  he should be  out with his freinds,
not tying ropes...

She's only 16, she
should be out on dates,
not staraving herself...

They were all 18, they
should have been
celebrating graduation,
not a furneral...

Saying goodbye
To someone you love
Is like reading the final page
Of an amazing book.

As the last chapter ends
You begin to notice
Just how beautiful
And perfect
The plot always was.  

You appreciate the joy
And even the pain
As you read and thumb
Through every page.

Finally understanding
The moral of the story,
You realize you've reached
The end of this journey.

Although the last sentence  
Is the most difficult to read
Another great book awaits
Once you turn the final page.

Eventually you may stumble
Upon yet another great find.
Or maybe you'll return
To the book you left behind.

You may just discover
Once all is said and done
That this particular book  
Was your favorite story
All along.

I reminisce on this:
A time more filled with bliss.
When school is out,
And the children shout.
Our minds now worry-free,
We fill our hearts with glee.
I reminisce on this.

I reminisce on this:
A time that I do miss.
You can call it summer vacation,
When with no education,
We go to visit family
And maybe to travel oversea
I reminisce on this.

I reminisce on this:
A time of such remiss.
We forget responsibility,
And remember the ability
To go out, and have some fun,
But now, with it all done,
I reminisce on this.

Why does life ****
Why are so many people Judgmental
Why are so many people degrading to others
Why am I slower then other
Why can't I just be smart
Why can't I be good a reading and writing
Will I be able to graduate this semester
Will I pass my classes
Will I go far in life  
Will anyone love me
What will people think when I Come Out
Will my family still except me
Will my friends still be my friends.... (what friends)
Will I have anyone in my life that really cares
Or will it come to suicide

His world is full of impressions
He lives with his ambition
He breathes with his passion
His eyes are filled with devotion
He likes pouring his emotions
His mind is full of treasures
His smile is carved
On the sycamore tree trunk

10:50 pm, another beer-holding sorority selfie on Instagram.
I shut my phone.  I clench my fist.
I look up to the man that tried to raise me
as he raises a shot class in front of my face-
then my brother continues after.
The lingering smell of liquor on my nose
makes it feel harder to live.
See, I like to tell myself I've never done hard drugs
but then I am reminded of the days I wanted to mask the pain.
Take a paintbrush over all the misery-
and the bottle seemed to be my muse.
& as the alcohol becomes the inspiration for this piece
my hands begin to shake and my jaw begins to clench
and I can feel my mouth yearning for the taste one more time-
people don't understand addiction.
They don't understand when the problem becomes their life
they don't understand how quickly it can ruin you.
I thought I was just having fun
everyone drinks right?
Until one night I was faced with someone
who said something backhanded to me
so I threw a metal bat at his head.
I missed.
Until one night I was throwing myself at people
who probably didn't even want me for me
but for what I had underneath-
Until one night I was face down in my pillow weeping
because I had no one to drink with-
weeping because the alcohol was nowhere to be found
panicking because the emotions that needed to be addressed
began ******* my insides and making the anxiety
creep it's way back into my mind and into my stomach
until panic attacks became routine for me night after night after night.
& not even two weeks after I had surgery
I tried to drown my pain in a bottle in a room full
of people I thought I loved because I couldn't wait.
I began to forget and the last thing I remember-
was being face to face with my toilet confessing my secrets
via projectile *****-
I didn't think this sickness could happen to me
because I was so "in control".
Three days after that I was still ******* hungover.
A week after that the temptation led in and I tried to drink
again and again and again and when I couldn't
the anger came abrupt and the anxiety took over
I was a basket case that took pride in my tolerance.
I was masking what I didn't want anyone to see-
Every time I drank my insides would turn sour
and the sickness would overcome my desire to drown.
& if it wasn't for the headaches and the hangovers
and the people telling me what I didn't want to hear
It would still probably be an issue-
I lost a lot those years, even myself.
The bottle made me a persona of a person
just a piece that interprets her surroundings
I was a walking metaphor in a world full of short stories-
and I made a sonnet out of my struggle
with 14 bottles and ten syllables of labels
I put on display so everyone could interpret me.
I'm 20 now and I've been sober for 5 months
and it's sad to me when I have to say
that's something I pride myself on
but I do and I am thankful.
Addiction can be anyone-
with anything.
You just have to watch because those hands of yours
can hold on tight to anything that makes you feel alive
like liquor or cigarettes or the **** rips to your lips
but nothing makes you feel more alive-
than actually dealing with life.
That's where I found myself-
in the corners of my mind I never wanted to reach
in the parts of my memory I didn't think I could touch-
I'm 20 now I finally feel like myself again for the first time
since I turned 13, since before all the memory.
There are times when tempation will lead me to the edge of sanity
and try to push me over so I fall back into the hole I dug for myself-
but I am no longer weak,
no longer clinging to the addictions in my mind
no longer clinging to the negativity that surrounds me.
I am a delicate flower and in the winter I may wither up
and want to die-
but in the spring you will see me re-sprout
this time I will let the rain wash over me
and realize it is needed for growth
and I will blossom.