I'd like to think that I know you
I'd like to think that our time together meant something
Countless nights spent gazing at the stars
Talking until there was nothing left to talk about
And then talking some more
Just to hear the sound of each other's voices

But when daylight came
And reality forced itself upon us
I had to stop pretending
Stop seeing things that weren't truly there
I had imagined that there was something more between us
A flame rekindled, perhaps
But even after all this time
I still can't tell what's behind those eyes

am i in love with you
or am i in love with the idea of being in love with you

are you in love with me
or are you just in love with the attention i give you

do i love you
or do you just make me feel a little less alone
and i haven't felt "together" in a long time so i think i love you

do you love me
or do i just make you feel like you're worth something
and you crave my validation so you think you love me too

are we in love
do we love each other
do we want each other

or do we just need each other
to patch up the holes other people left behind

It isn't fair
You've gone and done it again
Made me love you
With reckless abandon
No thought of consequences or heartache
Just like last time

Did you know you were pulling me back in
Just when I thought I'd gotten out, gotten away
Were you aware
That with every text, every laugh, every touch
I was falling deeper in love with you
Until every poem I wrote was about you

Last time you weren't ready for this, for us, for a relationship
I waited as long as I could, but I couldn't wait forever
This time I made the same mistake,
Thinking you might finally be ready

And you might have been
Except that soon you'll be
Thousands
Of miles
Away

And I'll be here
Waiting
And hoping
And praying
That one day you might love me enough to come home

I care
I care so much it hurts
I care about the little things
The way his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves
The way he tells jokes and stories
Laughing so much he can't get the words out
The way he smiles when we hold hands and dance together
Even if it's just for show
I care so much about things most people don't even notice
But I care about the big things too
Things most everyone sees, but fails to address
The way his eyes are now, dull and void of life
The way he jokes about hating himself and wanting death
In a way that makes me think he really means it
The way his face is permanently frozen in the same weary expression, now that I can't make him laugh
Or even smile
I care about all these things, and they scare me
Because what if I'm right
About the way he feels
Because I don't know how to fix it, how to make him smile again
How to make his eyes light up the world like they used to
Because what if there's suddenly nothing more to notice, nothing more to care about
Because it's all gone
Because he's all gone
And nothing I did made a difference