loving you was
late night drives
iced coffee and fries
laughing on your bedroom floor
new places
fingers intertwined
ruthless gossips
putting me on a pedestal
second guessing
bathroom breakdowns
kissing bottles and strangers
tossing myself to sleep

What is a hiaku
But a poem for nature and you
Tell me, illuminate

I just want it to end.

The hopelessness, the fear,
the constant critic in my head:
I've lived with them all for too long.

All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end.
To wish that it didn't is cruel.

But why can't the best solution be the simplest?
Why do I have to keep fighting?

At times it's deafening,
and I'm so exhausted.

Why can't I just lay down in no man's land
and let this battle fall silent around me?

Why can't that be the end?

Because... I'll never know what's possible.

I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.

why does the world which is wide
becomes so narrow?
why do the eyes which see a ray
see only sallow?
why does the fresh air which spreads happy
brings sorrow?
you are the born to to grow and magnify
the wealth not make fewer?
we push the hate at every side
not prison it at outer hollow
let us spread the love at every sight
the world will be so major

It's just a matter of time before this mask crumbles

and falls away past my chin

wet with tears

The miasma struggles to lift through the pieces

like acrid smoke

The baby cries and swats at my hand because he knows,

rather he feels

Thrown away
When you are done
I'm tired
Of being disposable