Optional is not an option anymore.
I will roam
and I will writhe.
I will rally and rebuild.
I will pave a road,
I'll launch a ship.
I'll race a train, I'll run like hell.
Option is not an option anymore.
I'll **** the marrow from my spine.
I'll hold my head above the moon.
I'll dive in the deep, I'll out speed a bullet.
I'll wander out,
I'll slide away.
I'll lead an army and bomb the past.
Declare unrest and start new rule.
Crown a new king,
I'll carve a new stone.
I'll turn a new leaf and I'll sing a new song.
I'll make a new wish
And I'll burn a new bush.
I'll write a new page
And jump in with both feet.
I'll love a new lover
And befriend whom you hate.
I'll start a campaign.
I'll torch down our home.
I'll move heaven and earth one inch to the left.
I'll shake and I'll regroup.
I'll push and I'll ****.
I'll bend, and I'll break and I'll steal,
I WILL TAKE
Because optionals not an option anymore.

Sahn   6/8/14

You are my dandylion
and I wait with stealth of a summer day
for you to stop preening in the field
of high grass and green bottles.
Yes. I wait, stroke you gentle
with the ease of the summer breeze
as you sway and waltz
for the primroses and the cricket.
I watch with willful patience
like the ripening of the wild belladonna.
as you tease with your burst of yellow
for the field mouse and the garden gnome.
Yes. I will wait like summers heat
And when you are done,
And when your pretty
petals
lay
limply
at
your
roots,
I will take you gentle into my summers grasp
and with my summers breathe
blow your beautiful grey afro out unto the world to swallow.
Dandylion, pretty primping boy are you.

Sahn 6/7/2014

here's the part where you lie to me.
here is the part where you lie.
effortless as i rake my fingers across you shoulder blades.
and i feel the bones connecting.
here is the part where you lie.
and you say you love me.
(that's not the lie)
and i keep tracing circles on your shoulder
and you lie in the same circle and
you lie.
as we lay, as we lie in bed.
as i feel your your skin under my fingers.
and you lie to me.
and i don't want to hear the truth.
and you don't want to tell the truth
so we lie and we lay
in the bed that wraps around our feet and the truth
tangles between our intertwined legs and
the truth creeps up our thighs and the
truth tickles our bellies
and we lay
and the lie dances and
the truth, that willful truth thrusts
and we lie like lovers do.
and we lie like lovers will.
and we lay
and we lay intertwined like ivy on the old brick wall.
and the truth, it hurts.
and we lay. and we lay.
and the lie it bleeds through us
and we lay.

sahn 5/24/14

If I were an ocean, I'd tsunami.
I'd crash at you, rise up fiercely with froth dripping from my wicked tongue.
I'd lick at your feet a tongue so cold, you'd hop and run like a threatened hare.
I'd send my driftwood to scratch you and then my salt to burn it
And then when I calmed down, I settle to a grey-blue lulling you to see the infinite beauty and power and wrath of me. And you'd feel small as a speck of sand.
If I were an ocean I'd take starfish and send them hurtling towards you like ninja stars.
I'd grab your ankles with my seaweed limbs and drag you under, just for one moment longer than you thought you could survive.
And bubble up the back of your legs like a devils tickle as you shot to the surface to gasp.
If i were an ocean.
If I were a universe I'd take my neutron stars and line them in a row so they spin you back to a time where hearts were whole
Well, when my heart was anyway.
If I were a universe I'd take my sun and my moon and I would cover them with a mourning veil of shimmery ivory and you would see the world like eyes of a woman in grief.
I would put you on a planet where raining glass comes sideways and I would give you an umbrella made of ozone.
I would put you on a star and make you catch the wishes thrown to you.
Catch them all, in a bucket of diamonds.
I would have you grant them all. All but one.
The one I wished. If I were a universe I'd make you ride that lonely wish of mine down the current of the Milky Way,
Feeling its tentacles of hope underneath your feet like old mans slippers.
If I were a universe I hold all your breathe in glass speck of light and watch as it chased the speed of sound down the darkness.
And if I were a mountain I'd turn all my streams away
So you could feel the gift of thirst.
I crumble into dust as you dug your heels into me
Trying to climb higher but ending so far below.
If i was a mountain, I'd wrap the wind around my vocal cords and sing to you and eerie song that would haunt your mind and make you think of loves you'd lost.
I'd give you mountain stretch marks.
Itchy places to remind you of when the sea was your lover.
I'd take my poison ivy to your skin.
So sultry she would climb like a lover's thin trailing fingernails
down
     your
           spine.
If I were tree I'd be a weeping willow.
I'd hang my wounded limbs over the river that is your regrets.
If I were a tree I'd shade you from the blazing sun.
You'd crave me then.
You'd fall asleep in my lap.
If I were a tree I'd gift you a hundred acorns...
And let none of them take root. If I were a tree.
If I were a tree you'd climb me to take shelter from the wolves.
I'd take you into my strong arms
And you would understand what courage is.
What refuge is.
What need is.
I'd stroke that glistening wolf to keep him at your feet.
And paint your toes with sap so he drools with the anticipation of licking you.
And if i were that tree you'd feel safe within.
I'd blow a wind to stroke your face and
And sooth you with the sounds of leaves and you would sleep.
Then I'd send that wolf away because you'd know me then.
But I am a woman.
And what I can do is make you see me as I walk away,
pull away
sneak away
crawl away.
I am a woman and I can be the emptiness I leave you.
I am a woman, an ocean, a universe, a mountain, a forest.
I am a woman who is the empty fragile places where I used to be.
But I am a woman
And you will remember me.
...You will remember me.

sahn
5/19/14

bending time, sleight of hand.
give to me, give to me
one more hour.
pulling quarters from the thin air,
give to me one more day.
farce of having time to say
the angry things.
the loving things.
holding you in a cup, drink you up and
i am small.
holding onto you in my pocket,
take you out and blow off the dust.
before you go, before you go.
i selfishly need to finish us.
before you leave, before you journey
i am not done with loving you.
put you on spoon and dip you in the sugar bowl,
sweet on my tongue, i can love you sweet.
i haven't finished being mad,
i haven't finished needing you. just a child am i again,
im not the selfish one,
who's leaving who here, after all?
before you leave, before you leave,
ill put you on music note, treble clef
and pull you out with a whistle.
im not done, i am not done.
loving you in my skewed way.
so goodbye is it, after all?
the rabbits pulled from the deep black hat.
and i put you in a  boat to sea
winken blinken and nod  care for your soul.
ill put you on a chinese lantern
and let you go. ill let you go.

sahn 5/18/2014

his fist that broke me,
now comes to stroke me.

sahn5/12/14

isn't it the way you're aging?
lines like a childs picture of crayoned rays of the sun.
isn't it the way you twinkle?
when the redness creeps to my face from latest mistake.
isn't it the way you drive that truck?
one arm straight on the wheel, one arm tan from the sun.
perhaps it's the way we're quiet
in the quiet that fills the room with  puffs of white clouds.
surely it's the way you mindlessly,
stroke my arm when you try to make a point.
isn't it the way you work the day?
a mans work, tired and aching at the end.
isn't it the way you erase?
all of my horrid tempers and childish demands.
isn't it the way you love me?
in that space between my stellar and my odious.
and aren't i grateful,
that your broken pieces match my broken pieces.
isn't it an exquisite thing,
that your fragile ego looked for my fragile soul.
isn't it  the way a story ends?
two old people left alone in the big empty house.
isn't it the way the best one ends?
when the children grow up and we hold hands at the park?
isn't it a lovely thing,
a sublimely confounding lovely thing.
sahn 5/11/14