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5.8k · Mar 2015
My mothers perfume
skyyy Mar 2015
My mothers perfume is sweet
but not like candy or fruit
my mothers perfume is champagne when she exhales
and wet concrete when she sobs in the dark
my mothers perfume is laughter written on
her face with $40 eyeliner
that does not smudge when she cries
my mothers perfume is her hair in my face
when i fall asleep next to her on the couch
my mothers perfume is not a smell
but a feeling in my chest when I hug her
3.8k · Apr 2014
this poem is ugly
skyyy Apr 2014
This is not a pretty poem.
there will be no metaphor
about how the leaves dance
with the music
nor a simile about how alike the speed
Of breeze and my heart rate are


This is not a sad poem.
I will not explain the way
The self inflicted scars on my arms
can be connected to spell
out what happened to me.
or the way the scars in my head
can be connected to spell out
his name.

This is not a beautiful poem
I will not lie
and say that I have overcome my
abuse and am now a more happy
person.

This is a direct poem.
I will not sugar coat what he did.
I will not hide behind
phrases that can easily be
mistakes for relationship
problems.

1) he left me with a guilt that
Belonged to him.
2) He will never acknowledge what he did
Was wrong. Instead he will excuse
Himself
And pretend like he didn't mean to.
3) I grew up to believe his secret was mine and that I needed
To keep it for me, not him.
I am still incapable of telling the difference
4) I was sexually abused for 5 years
5) I have to sit in the middle when
We go on long trips in the car.
6) My brother still comes over for
Easter dinner.
7) I skip dinner and tell my
Mother I'm going to my friends
House
8) While he eats dinner with our family,
While he jokes and laughs
And enjoys moms meat loaf
I go to a park and chain smoke cigarettes with tears
As cold as his touch falling
From my eyes.
I absorb his guilt
I absorb his fear
I hide while his lies are burried
Too deep for anyone to dig up.
1.8k · Aug 2014
another cliche poem
skyyy Aug 2014
I can still remember that one night
we laid on the side walk as it rained.
I remember how my heart started beating
really fast when you scooted closer and our arms touched.
I remember how your lips were chapped and your mouth
was dry.
I remember the way you hugged me that night
and how happy we were at that party.
We sat in the corner, arm to arm and talked
as if no one else was there.
I remember showing you Hurt by nine inch nails
and how you told me you liked
Johnny Cash's cover better.
I remember the passion in your eyes when you were explaining why.
I remember the nervous laugh followed by a "sorry" and the crooked
smile that all went together
as if it were some sort of recipe
to make my heart speed up.
I remember the song you used to tell me
you'd sing to me
and I remember playing it in your friends garage
and I remember you smiling at me
as if you were saying "this is ours"

And I'll always remember the first time you kissed me
because your mouth was dry
and your lips were chapped
and it was 3 in the morning
and you were walking me home
and I was shivering because it was winter.
You stopped walking and grabbed my arm
I remember how I swung around to face you
and how it was like the movies.
or how the only thing to light up your
face was the orange streetlights.
I remember how once we kissed I couldn't breathe.
I thought I was being choked.
you took my breath away.

I remember how I dated a few people after you
I remember their lips being really soft
and their mouths were never dry.
I remember comparing them to you
and not knowing why.
Because I'm definitely over you.
I remember that you told me,
no matter what,
I'd always have a piece of your heart.
I think you're a really good liar.
I hear people talk about you and
I want to join the conversation and
tell them stories about the funny stuff we did
but then I remember that I was a secret.
We were a secret.
I guess it'd be dumb to tell people now.
So when people ask,
I pretend like I don't know what it
feels like to have loved and lost.
1.3k · May 2014
tinas poem
skyyy May 2014
Big butts
small butts
round butts
flat butts
All butts
are nice butts
butts butts butts
1.2k · Sep 2013
overwhelming urge
skyyy Sep 2013
I have this overwhelming urge
To grap my pill bottle
Filled with 14 purple anti phycotics
And take them all
And then maybe
I might not feel
Like I'm crazy

I have this overwhelming urge
To grap my medicine box
Filled with 9 migrane pills
And swollow them all
No break in between
And then maybe
My head won't throb
Anymore

I have this overwhelming urge
To pull out my razor
And make my white shirt red
And maybe my mind won't hurt
Like it did

I have this overwhelming urge
To walk 4 flights of stairs
To the very top
And jump
Four stories up
And maybe I won't dream
About it

I have this over whelming urge
To just end it all
And then maybe
I won't be such a mess
And then maybe
I might be able to finally forget
1.1k · Jan 2014
the F word
skyyy Jan 2014
Your lips on mine
Soft, gentle.
Your chest on mine,
Hard and tight.
One hand on my face
The other on my legs
Slowly moving up my thighs
Your teeth on my neck
Biting me
Hard
I'm breathing heavy
I let out a moan
My nails on your back
Starting from the bottom
Clawing their way up
You're breathing heavy
I want you
Right here
Right now
**** me
And only that
don't tell me you love me
One night of regret
one night of low morals
and no self respect
**** it
**** me
**** it all
1.1k · Jan 2014
two months ago
skyyy Jan 2014
Two months ago you picked me up in to hangout
because that's what friends do
I hadn't seen you in a while
so we had a lot of catching up to do.

You got me a pack of cigarettes
and I smoked them all that night
but I didn't throw away the empty pack
we talked and you showed me bands I'd never heard of.

It got late
we climbed onto a roof and just layed there
watching the stars
you told me stories and I started to remember
how much I loved to hear you talk
I guess you liked hearing me talk too.

It was so cold that night
or maybe I was just shaking because of how
close we were
you took your jacket off and put it around me
I made you come closer so I could put it around both of us.

Your arm brushed up against mine
I turned my head towards yours
we looked into each others eyes
and as much as we enjoyed our conversations
we enjoyed our silences too.

But nothing happened that night
no kiss on the rooftop under the stars
no kiss goodbye when you dropped me off
It didn't take long for us to get serious though
maybe a week.

You were the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep
you were the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up
they say that when that happens its either something that's making you really happy or really sad
looking back I can't tell the difference.

Your kisses were sweet
But never gave me butterflies
your hugs were warm
like you didn't know how to let go
but I realize now what we had wasn't
love or something developing into it.

We were simply just two friends
who understood each other
we wanted the same things
we could talk about anything
and we stupidly decided that that meant
we should be together.

I don't regret it
even now that we aren't friends
now that we don't talk or like each others
statuses on Facebook.

I'll always remember the night we had our first kiss
we were saying goodbye
and as you kissed me you grabbed my hand
like you just wanted to hold it
but when I walked away you slipped your
guitar pick into the center of my palm
no words were exchanged
I just smiled and we enjoyed the silence.

I still have that guitar pick
it stays put away in the pack of cigarettes you got me
and in the cellophane of the Marlboro lights
I put a movie ticket from the night before we watched the stars
so I'd always remember the day I gave my heart to you
November 9th, 2013

today is another important date though
January 7th, 2014
the day that I woke up and thought to myself
"****, that coffee smells good"
skyyy Oct 2014
October 13th,
I see you at a party.
The first time in almost a year.
At 8 you want to catch up
and tell me about how sorry you are
for ******* my best friend
and then falling in love with her.
At 10 you tell me that you wish you weren't such
a pig
10:15 you say you aren't that person anymore
1 am you kiss me
2 am you say you'll prove to me that you can be trusted.

October 14th,
I see you at a party.
You got me presents and told me I'm beautiful
at 8 my stomach hurts.
I can feel you growing inside me,
long branches stretching from my stomach
through my throat and it's gagging me as
each phrase pours out of your mouth.
I'm choking and it hurts.
At 10 we drink whiskey and mistake it for mutual respect
11 pm you tell me you'll show me that this time will be different
12 am you tell me not to move away
12 am you tell me you love me
12 am I tell you I love you
12 am you say it again
and I tell you I don't believe you
and you tell me you'll give me everything I want
12 am we take another swig of whiskey
and as the cinnamon coats my mouth
we mistake this burn for passion
and I tell you I've always loved you
or maybe that I'll always love
and you tell me I don't know what love is
but I say it anyways.

I'll leave out the rest of the night
because somethings I want to myself

October 15th,
5 am I wake up in your arms and
I kiss you goodbye.
You tell me you're going to hang out with friends
and you'll talk to me later

11 pm you call me and tell me you love me
I start to gag because you want to tell me something
my stomach hurts
and I can feel something sharp expanding in my esophagus
I say okay because I didn't have enough in me to tell you to shut up

11  pm you tell me you kissed another girl
11 pm you tell me she kissed you first
11 pm you tell me you're sorry and it won't happen again
11 pm you tell me you only want me
11 pm you tell me not to abandon you again
11 pm and I wish I had whiskey to coat my mouth
so I can mistake this pain for passion,
so I could go on believing everything you say
11 pm and I wish I had something to burn my throat
but instead I'm just choking.

11 pm I tell you I'm tired and I hang up
1.0k · Feb 2015
relax
skyyy Feb 2015
I remember how my world turned blue
everything I saw was blue
like we were under water now
like when we fell asleep we were in the ocean
but sometimes we were red
like when you slapped me for no reason
Like when you said you want to hurt me
Like the ocean turned to blood and
I was going to drown
but then you said you love me
and I could breathe again
985 · Nov 2013
sad words for a sad girl
skyyy Nov 2013
She goes to her room
And locks the door
She's not afraid to cry anymore
She runs to her bed
Lies down on her side
Looks up at the ceiling
And imagines the sky
So big and peaceful
Makes her problems seem small
But before she can smile
She realizes they aren't at all
She looks at her wrist
And all of the scars
remembering a time when she felt numb
Tries to tell herself that feeling hopeless
Is better than feeling nothing at all
While her head is telling her
That's she's always wrong
So she grabs her blade
Her old best friend
The only one who was ever there in the end
She holds it loose
She holds it tight
Either way her hand feels right
A missing puzzle piece
She lost one night
And now its back in her hand
Where she knew its always belonged
She forgets about her problems,
The girls who won't leave her alone
She forgets about her mom
And all the alcohol
She forgets about the boy
And the bruises he painted on her arms
She forgets about the night
When he woudnt let her say no
And how badly it hurt to be silenced
When "no" is the only thing that
Makes it wrong
But none of those things matter
Not right now
Right now they're gone
With her eyes closed
She hold the blade a little tighter
With one long exhale
She sets it down
"I'm a fighter"
982 · Sep 2013
black wine
skyyy Sep 2013
8/25/13
You meet someone.
Someone special.
You let yourself love them
Like its a choice
It hurts
The most amazing, addictive hurt
EVER.
Look at her
Her smile. Its the worst in the best way
Fuels your body for miles
Takes you places
You can never imagine going
And never will again
Okay. Take a break. Relax.
Pretend.
For a second you didn't meet her that day
You didn't spot her from across the room
And want to faint.
She was sipping wine.
Red, almost black.
Your favorite kind.
And you could tell that
There was something about her.
Intense about her
You want her intense.
You want to wrap your arms around it
And take it so she doesn't have to hold on to it anymore
But you did meet her
And even though you were afraid,
You gathered up all of your strenth,
You walked over to her.
She felt the same,
Petrified.
She stuck her hand out
Waiting for a friendly shake,
But you're palms are sweaty.
You stare into her eyes
Almost vacant
She shifts her hand
Almost as if her hand is telling you
She's waiting
"Okay" you think
Tracing your eyes up and down her body
You shake her hand
Her palms are sweaty too
Releif vibrated through your body.
It tingles.
Or was that two souls finding each other after being lost for a lifetime.
If you believe in that.
I do.
You're love progresses into something
Unimaginable.
It hurts again.
The best kind of hurt, that is.
You know you'll spend the rest of your life with her.
Its love, its real, its hard, its true.
But what if you don't?
She was texting you.
Walking over with flowers and red wine, almost black, your favorite kind.
She didn't hear the car
Maybe she was overwheled by the thoughts,
The sound
Of your voice.
70 in a 35 zone.
She had the right of way
But he couldn't stop
And she couldn't think
Because its the love that hurts in the most amazing way
Dead
Dead on arival.
Gone
Gone forever
If you believe in that.
I've always believed in true love.
One love
Growing old together
Living forever and ever
in eachothers eyes.
Once you experience that kind of love, the kind that hurts,
Nothing adds up to it
Nothing comes close.
You were 17.
You have to spend the rest of your life
Thinking about that red, red wine
Which you can no longer drink.
Not even with your wife.
The one you say you love.
But you can't.
And every night,
Everynight,
Every single ******* night
You fall asleep to the thought of her voice
While shes sipping on wine.
Red, Almost black,
Used to be your favorite kind.
921 · Jul 2015
I am untitled
skyyy Jul 2015
I like to take knives to my stomach
And slice down
Where you touched me
To cut
You out
But it doesn't work.
I like to take pins to my eyes
Because I don't want to
See us anymore
But I just bleed a lot.
I like to put bullets
through my tongue
On the spot you made me taste you
But it doesn't work
I like to put knives in your stomach
Because I like the way you cry
I like to put pins in your eyes
Because you don't see me
When I put a bullet through your
Tongue
855 · Mar 2014
hypothetical questions
skyyy Mar 2014
A gun only holds so many bullets.
How long until you run out?
How long can you let
bullets spiral out towards
yourself?
Will the last bullet go through
your head?
Will it be by your hands?
Or his?
skyyy Feb 2014
Misleading words lead to mistaken actions.
I guess I misunderstood when
you said you loved holding me.
I guess you meant
you didn't know how to be alone.
785 · Aug 2015
I saw an angel once
skyyy Aug 2015
When I close my eyes I see
My mom dying
Or my dad telling me he doesn't love me,
But last night I saw an angel
With blonde hair and pale skin.
Last night I saw a white bed and I was on the left
And she was on the right;
I saw little teeth peak though my lips.
Last night I saw an angel with a round face
And rosy cheeks.
She only giggled and I smiled so much
It hurt.
Last night I saw an angel that doesn't exist
And when I woke up
I knew I will never
Have a daughter because I
Wont remember that we made plans.
Last night I woke up to an angel
That smiled at me and I felt forever full,
But when I woke up I saw
A dark room where i sobbed
And my angel asked mommy why she can't
Come it.
And my beautiful baby girl-
Last night I saw an angel
I had a dream a few months ago of my daughter. I'm very sure I don't want kids but in that dream I felt a love that wasn't even real.
781 · Jan 2014
I don't care
skyyy Jan 2014
Careless
A great word to describe myself.
I don't care
what people say
what people do
how much alcohol I'm going to drink
or "how it affects you"
That I smoke
or that you don't
that you're straight
that I'm not
or if you think that "its wrong"
I just don't care.
not about my health
or that I'm far behind in school
but now,
Everything's changed
I might need to care
what I do might hurt you.
726 · Dec 2013
I think this is best
skyyy Dec 2013
When all of my words are said
and there's nothing left to say
from the long nights of decisions
neither of us were ready to face
or the early mornings i sat and thought
and tried to contemplate
whether or not I should end it
If the sunset had something else to say.
Should I just wait for the stars to convince me we're right
if i know the sun will convince me otherwise?
You held my hand
and gave me space
told me you'd wait if waiting
is something I'd fake
And I won't lie
I'll probably miss you every night
But by the time the sun comes up
and burns my eyes
I'll remember why I decided we aren't right.
Either way, I'll push what i want aside
because its not fair to you
that I can't make up my mind.
So I'll end it now
while I still can
tell you that I feel nothing
not even when you're squeezing my hand
And when the sun goes down
and all that I'm left with are the stars
I'll hold myself back from calling you
Because I've seen how this all ends
And I'm not ready to watch it begin
699 · Feb 2014
Untitled
skyyy Feb 2014
You took away a life
I could have had
and replaced it with
a feeling of self loathe.
You made me hate myself
because I wasn't allowed
to hate you.
I could have been different.
I'll never get to meet myself.
you killed her when she was 5
693 · Feb 2014
3. regression
skyyy Feb 2014
In psychology there's this theory
That when you get angry or sad
Your attitude and the way you react goes back
To the age when the first bad thing
Happened to you
Whether it be when you were 7 you saw your
Parents fight for the first time.
Screaming profanities into each others
Faces. Vases breaking,  t.v. cracking
From the lamp your father threw
Aiming at your mother
And in that moment you realized
That life is not always going to
Be chasing butterflies
And searching for the end of the rainbow
Or maybe when you were 9 you
Accidentally walked in on your
Big sister with a needle in her
Arm and as she jumped up quickly
Yelled "get the **** out" your
Curiosity got you to wonder what she
Was doing and when you asked your
Teacher at school the next day
she explained what drugs do
And you realized that you do not
Need a gun to **** yourself

When you were 10 and your parents separated you knew that love
Was not forever

When you were 10 and your mom
Was diagnosed with cancer
You realized that sickness was not
The common cold
And pain was not a scrape on the knee

When you were 8 and you saw a man
Get shot and killed down the street
From where you felt safe
You realized that in our world
a baggy of *******
Is more valuable than someone's life

When you were 5 and daddy hit you for the first time
And you realized love is not real
Unless pain is involved

All of these things are defining factors in our livesn affecting how we treat others
Affecting how we treat ourselves

when I heard this
Theory I tried to remember
How old I was when I first felt pain
In one way or another and
It took me a long time to realize
That my memory wont let me go back to
The first time it happened
In my footie pajamas
Toddler age when you took me into the bedroom and showed me how people
Love each other
Except I do not remember love nor affection
I feel humiliation and disgusted

Its funny that when I'm sad
I just put a smile
On my face so I do not have to
Repeatedly assure anyone I am okay
I pretend to be okay
Because that is all I know
How to do

Its funny that when I get angry
I will stop fighting
And eventually just nod and say okay

In psychology there's this theory
That when you get angry or sad
Your attitude and the way you react
Goes back to the age when the first bad thing happened to you
Its called regression. The third out of nine defense mechanisms
And the one that seems most relevant
In my life
skyyy Aug 2015
I had this fantasy of sleeping with my boss

you were close enough

I miss sneaking around with you

I wonder if you think of me

I'm afraid to see you again
skyyy Mar 2015
I didn't think you'd grow up
to be so beautiful
and so sad
I wonder if you'll
die before me
your hair is so orange
And your eyes green
and your entire body
kissed with freckles
and your veins pierced
with needles
and your body poisoned
With decay
i am sorry
I wasn't there
to
tell you
to
stop
skyyy Feb 2014
I thought I meant nothing to you
Now I know you cared
enough to make sure no one elses
hands ever touch my skin
the way yours once did
But not enough to ever
feel my cheekbones with your finger tips
again.
664 · Dec 2013
cute lies and mean girls
skyyy Dec 2013
When I can't fall asleep
I ly in bed and I think about you
I think about the words you said
And I believed

It makes me wonder
Where you learned to lie like that

I don't need you anymore

She tells me when she falls asleep
She thinks about me
And everything I've told her

She asks me where I learned to lie like that
And I didn't have an answer
643 · Jan 2014
tell me I'm good enough
skyyy Jan 2014
I'll only feel happy when
I'm around enough people
to convince me that it exists

I'll only feel determined
when it means
getting away from here

I'll only feel pretty when my
face is masked with societies expectations.
and mascara

I'll only feel worthy when
I'm hungry
and a pound lighter than yesterday

I'll only feel loved when
I'm lying inches away from
someone who thinks they know me enough
to carelessly let out an "I love you"
Between each moan
but hasn't known me long enough
to know my real name
633 · May 2014
optional
skyyy May 2014
Love is like the flicker of a light bulb
that's about to burn out.
After a while the light is no longer there.

Go out and buy a new light bulb.

But don't mistake loose bolb
for one that is burnt out.
618 · Mar 2014
the moon is full tonight
skyyy Mar 2014
9:41 pm
I sit outside on my front porch
with a cigarette burning in between
my fingers.
I hear the sound of my thoughts
racing so quickly that I can't think at all.
I shut it all out to hear the sound of water
trickling from across the street
and I realize that my neighbors have
a small fountain in their front yard.
9:46
I hear the sound of tires screeching
One street over from mine.
For the three years I've lived
in this house a night hasn't fone by
Where I haven't heard the oddly familiar
sound of rubber tires burning on the road.

One night the screech lasted so long
I was sure someone would die
I was waiting for the sound of a crash.
when I drove down the street
a white care was in the middle of
a fence half on fire.

A few months later
at 4 in the morning a man was
driving home from the bar and fell asleep
his car went straight into the garage of
a house a few streets over,
Hit the water heater and the house went up
in flames.
No one died.

This poem has no meaning or significant ending.
a lot like life.
617 · Sep 2013
Untitled
skyyy Sep 2013
The sound of your voice
Makes my ears ring
The touch of your skin
Makes my body tingle
The way your eyes
Introduce mine
Sends me on a trance
That's unexplainable
The way you ask to
Hit my cigarette
even though you hate the taste
Leaves my head questioning
Why I like the taste
I crave you
I hate **you
skyyy May 2014
Dear brother,
One day I will hand you this poem
and let it speak to you like
a letter that you've been expecting.
But it will not stop you from
cringing as each word becomes the next
and you start to really feel
what you've done to me.

Dear brother,
Sometimes I have nightmares
that your hands are pressed against
my bare skin again
and I wake up soaking in my sweat
and my cheeks soggy with tears.

Dear brother,
When I confronted you,
you only apologized if it was followed by
an excuse.
And when you told me it wasn't your fault
I wanted to puke.

Dear brother,
I was given two options.
He said I can take this to my grave
or I can get the closure I deserve.

Dear brother,
I told mom last week because
I couldn't let what you did to me
devour who I want to become.
And keeping this buried
for the rest of my life
will do neither of us any good.
She wiped away my tears and kissed my cheek.
I know your automatic reply
will be "Why are you doing this to me?"

Dear brother,
You are the one that did it to yourself.
I did not make you hurt me,
I did not make you lie to me.
I did not make you put your hands
on me and tell me it's okay.

Dear brother,
Maybe one day
this will be in the past.
Maybe one day I will be able
to live for the first time.
Maybe one day I will
not hear the word "big brother"
and want to cry.
But the only way that will ever happen
Is if you start dealing with the consequences.
I am giving you back your burden.
It never belonged to me anyways.

Dear brother,
I'm sorry
but this is no longer about
you.
601 · Feb 2014
special and worthless
skyyy Feb 2014
I love the way it sounds
rolling out of your mouth
when you tell me you think I'm beautiful
Running in circles to let me know
That you cared more than
anyone else
Proving to me that no one would love me like you
I guess I was disappointed
when I realized
that you barely loved me at all

I had you wrapped around my finger,
Letting you run in circles
trying to show me that
No one will ever treat me
like a princess,
Not the way you did
I loved every second of it
I loved the attention

And I don't know when you stopped
telling me I was beautiful
but I think it was right after
Our bodies explored each others,
fingers slowly moving from
one spot to another.
and when it was over you used
the word "*******" to describe what we had done

Call me a romantic,
But I prefer "making love"
Because thats what I was doing
I had never been with anyone sober before
that night.
I was never able to give myself
to someone that way
unless I felt comfortable
and for me that meant at least two beers
or three consecutive shots

And when I told you that,
I remember your face so clearly.
Dead eyes, straight faced,  you
Pretty much,
in more or less words
called me a *****.
I am not a **** because
I felt insecure.
I am not a ***** because
I've been hurt.
Everyone has a first everything.
you were the first to make me feel
so special and so worthless
at the same time

And while you were "******* a *****"
I was "making love to a gentleman"
thoughts from an old relationship
596 · Mar 2014
weak on my knees
skyyy Mar 2014
Maybe its the way your lips
Curl out
Or that when you push
Your hair behind your ear
You do it with the very tip
Of your *******,
Or how ridiculous you look when
You want something.
Eyes softly glaring up at me
Eyebrows pinched in
As you ask me for a
Single puff of my cigarette.
I don't know what it is
About you that makes
Me feel like I've been shot
In the stomach
But every word you
Say to me sounds alot like a trigger
And I've noticed that when
You're with her your lips curl in,
You brush your hair behind your
Ear with the quickest swipe
Of your entire hand,
You don't ask her to hit her cigarettes
Because she just hands it to you.
You don't impress her with
Intricate movements
Because she doesn't need
Details to admire you.
I was wrong to think
No one would ever love you
More than I do.
591 · Nov 2013
what makes you so sure
skyyy Nov 2013
I was so sure,
So sure about that part of me.
And now I'm gone,
I'm in too deep.

This feeling that I have,
I've never felt before,
I don't know if its confusion,
Or something much more.

You look at me and
I feel like you actually see me
Which is probably one of the
most frightening things.

And I was so cold on top
Of that rooftop.
Talking about stars.
You playng songs with secret meanings.
Me pretending I didn't know what you
Were trying to tell me
With thr lyrics you sang aloud
"This song is perfect for right now"
But I loved it.
I love being cold and you coming closer.
The way our arms touched and
your right shoe rested on my left
The way your head rested on my shoulder

But this is wrong
And you know why I looked up to the sky
When your head turned and stared at me.
Waiting for me to look so our lips might touch.

But I can't
No matter how much I wanted it
That's not who I am..
"What makes you so sure?"
I'm not.
I'm just scared
553 · Jan 2015
dear john
skyyy Jan 2015
I'm lying on the cold concrete again
Tonight
I think there are bees in my
Veins
They must have snuck in threw my
Heart
I'm lying on my side again
Tonight
Because I don't want to choke on
My *****
I'm lying on the cold concrete again
Tonight
The bees are stinging me
and my veins are bursting
Theres blood on this sidewalk
I threw up and drew a smiley face
In it
550 · Apr 2015
Untitled
532 · Jan 2014
Secrets
skyyy Jan 2014
Secrets always come out.
Even when you confide in only yourself.
your unconscious mind reveals hints
with words rolling out of your mouth every once in a while
and they may seem irrelevant at the time
but one day
someone will piece it together
and your hidden words will spell out
"I cannot tell you; It's a secret.
But its refreshing to know someone cares enough
to put my unconscious word puzzle together"
And they will keep it a secret
until their curiosity
plays tricks on their mind
and it'll start to reveal hidden words
until someone pieces it together
and the words will spell out,
"her secret is killing her. She cannot tell anyone,
and her pain is no longer bearable"
528 · Oct 2013
motorphopia
skyyy Oct 2013
I hate long car rides.
There's not much else to do but think
And thinking alwasys gets the best of me.
Staring out the window like a cliche sad movie
I see cars pass me by
And pretend its lifetimes
From inside this box
All the cars seem so slow
I'm watching them about to pass and
I'm waiting,
Taking forever
But when they finally pass
It happens too fast.
Gone.
I hate bumpy car rides.
I keep my kneees up
Pressed gently against the passenger seat
So that my legs dangle from beneath.
I feel my thighs jiggle
I feel the fat vibrate
I feel my stomah making roles.
Two flabs of fat pressed together
Will I aleays be like this?
Forever?
I hate car rides
Sitting in the back, passenger, or even drivers seat
I have no control.
I see cars passing me by
Whether it be directly
Or out of the corner of my eye.
I feel them crashing into me.
Tow trucks
Moving trucks
Rrgular trucks piling into eachother
Piling into me
No not just me
us my family.
My friends.
I hate cars.
523 · Jul 2015
You Are Untitled
skyyy Jul 2015
I see my old house and my old
Elementary school everyday
On my way to work.

I've considered finding a different
Route

But maybe I like the
Memories I associate with pain
I associate with that home

Maybe I like the flashbacks
Of a boys Body Oder
Suffocating my nose
And the way my moms perfume filled the air when she
Finally came home

And the relief in my stomach
Because he would stop
And I could breathe again

I would outline
The time in between the hours
When he couldn't touch me
Because it felt like conrtol
But sometimes
When a man touches me waist
I feel sweat dripping from eyes
But when I go to wipe
It away
It isn't there
495 · Dec 2013
The little things
skyyy Dec 2013
"Kiss me"
you wrote on a napkin.
and left it in your jacket pocket for me to find
"I want you"
you wrote on a sugar packet
and handed it to me like it was a joke
"Nothing" you wrote on my lips
the first time they touched yours
491 · Oct 2013
Lately
skyyy Oct 2013
Lately all that i can write is sketched on paper
Written with words describing you
No matter what,
You've been my inspiration.
Poems and songs about how we met
Phrases you said to me
That stick to the right side of my brain
The side that is fixated on emotion rather than logic.
This isn't about you, though.
This isn't even for you.

Lately I've realized that no matter what
No matter how badly I want you
No matter how badly I crave you
No matter the fact that when I see you,
When I hear your voice
When some one says your ******* name,
I weep.
I weep because I know that  us
Me and you,
We can never be together
The way we both want to be together.
I know that what i feel for you
Is not a one-sided thing.
You want me just as bad as I want you.
You crave me.
Your knees get just as weak as mine when
My name rolls off of someones lips.
And that is what make this so hard.

Lately I've come to the conclusion
That I will never be able to love you.
I will never be able to treat you the way you deserve.
Our relationship would revolve around fights because
I will always think that you can do better.
Tell me I'm everything you've ever wanted!
I dare you!
It wont change anything.
Why me, anyways?
It doesn't matter how many times you tell
Me I'm everything you want.
You can change your mind!
And what if you change your mind when we're out together?
When that girl looks at you and you realize
That she's skinnier. Prettier.
How would you tell me?
Would you apologize?
You wouldn't have to.
She is skinnier.
Even if she wasn't,
She wouldn't burden you with her thoughts
Of you leaving.
See, when someone tells you something
Over and over again,
It starts to feel real.
So why can't it be like that with me?
I don't want to make you repeat yourself.
You deserve someone who listens the first time.
471 · Sep 2013
things I like
skyyy Sep 2013
I love the way coffee tastes
While smoking my first
Cigarette of the day.
I enjoy 60 degree weather
And long sleeve shirts.
I enjoy long books
That get to the point.
I like the way it feels
To be curled up in some ones
Arms
And the way it feels
To hold someone in mine.
skyyy Nov 2014
I haven't seen you for a week
The night before was perfect
The *** was awkward
but amazing because it was with you.
We had one tiny blanket to share
I mostly stayed warm wrapped in your
arms
in that moment I realized that one day
we wouldn't sleep so close to each other
That eventually we'd drift apart
even in our sleep
As I closed my eyes and you began to snore
I realized that one day you'd steal the
blanket and I'd wrap myself up with the sheet
I was falling asleep and smiling because
i thought about our future
I saw us together in a ****** apartment
with a ****** bed and I was angry because
you kept stealing the blanket
The next morning we'd wake up
and I wouldn't talk to you until I had
a cup of coffee and a cigarette and you wouldn't try to talk to me because you know
I hate everything in the morning
Halfway through my coffee as
I'm light my second cigarette I'd tell you
I love you and you'd say "I know"

I'm almost asleep now dreaming about
this life we'll have
i wake up enough to tell you I lpve you
I tell you that I'll be happy one day
ams that we'll be perfect together
you mumble "we already are"

But that's not how things worked out
I'm drunk And sad
and I cant even write a decent poem
but if you call,
I'll come to you
and I'll kiss you through the see-through
glass and I'll tell you I love you
And I'll kiss you through the bars
and I'll tell you I lpve you
and I'll go home and I will go home and get drunk and then I'll probably write another really ****** poem about you because I ******* love you
because I'm ******* in love with you
and I think I fell in love with you the first time I kissed you
I felt this pit in my stomach the first time we
met and I feel it every time I think about you now
iT's been 5 years and I think it's love
455 · Sep 2013
september
skyyy Sep 2013
August 2012
I see her
Walking to class.
She doesn't look at me.
But I could feel  my life change
in 1, 2, 3

September 2012
I meet her
On the top of the stairs
Her fingers combing through
Her brown hair
They had to take a break
To introduce mine
With a more than friendly shake

October 2012
I talk to her
It felt surreal
She likes Joan Jett.
So do I

November 2012
She walks me to class.
"Do you like me?"
I waited so long
To hear those words
Roll of her ler lips
And now, I don't feel it.

December 2012
We stopped talking..
Although she tries.

January 2013
She stopped trying.

May 2013
I miss her.
But I don't have the
right  to say that,
Do I?

July 2013
We're talking again
I miss her

August 2013 P. 1
She's trying to get over me
I saw it coming
But I was so close
To having her
please

August 2013 P. 2
I saw her
She held my hand
I missed her so much

September 2013
I'm confused again
I lost my feelings for her
again
And I cant imagine why
Why this is fair?
My life, my brain, gives her back
To tare her away?
This is going to break her..
I don't want to break her..
Its not fair.

October 2013
I kissed her
Or maybe she kissed me
Either way
Our lips touched
It was so fast
So short
But it was a kiss
And I srill feel her soft lips
Linger on mine
448 · Dec 2013
kiss me
skyyy Dec 2013
Kiss me
Do it gently
Do it hard
Put your lips on mine
Do it tender
Do it soft
Kiss me
Do it anyway you want
Just kiss me
And keep kissing me until
I feel something with you
440 · Sep 2013
invisible
skyyy Sep 2013
The way she looks at me
Hurts my insides.
She bites her lip
And smiles.
Let me bite your lip
For you.
I know she want me to.
But I can't
I can't make her love me.
I don't want her to love me
I destroy every one that tries
For once
I don't want to destroy her
Maybe its my turn
I'll love her from a distance
Let her destroy me
411 · Sep 2013
lost air
skyyy Sep 2013
I don't want to hug you
Because I know I won't let go.
I don't want to talk to you
Because I can't let you know
How I feel.
I don't want to see you
Because I won't look away.
I don't want to hear your voice
it makes me feel faint.
And I know I can never kiss you
Because we'd lose air.
But if I couldnt hug you
I'd cry out all my tears.
If I never spoke another word to you
I'd have nothing left to say.
If last night was the last night I saw you
I'd rather be blind today
If I couldn't hear your voice
I don't want to hear anything else
Because nothing is as lovely
As the way your voice sounds
And if i never kiss you..
Let my lips never touch anyone else..
411 · Dec 2013
but what do I know
skyyy Dec 2013
When I first saw you
I couldn't help but to tell you
That I thought you were cute.
I turned around in my chair in class
Abd apologized in advance
"You're really attractive"
Looking at me and laughing slightly
You thanked me and told me I was too.

When I first talked to you,
I felt this desire to actually listen.
To carefully hear each word roll through your sentence
Disect each ****** remark you made
And piece it all together at the end.
You'd say things like
"you're such a good listener"
And I'd think things like
"Oh god I want to kiss you"
But I never did.

When you first told me about
The girls you've dated
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs
"YOU CAN DO BETTER"
I never did.

Funny how things work out.
388 · Dec 2013
Untitled
skyyy Dec 2013
What would you do if you were told you have only 7 days to live?
7 days to undo the mistakes you've made
7 days to tell everyone you love goodbye
7 days to do all of the things you promised yourself
You would but always thought "I have time"
7 days, 168 hours, but if you spend 8 hours sleeping each night you're only left with 112 hours
How will you spend your last 7 days? Your last 112 hours?
You'll go in your sleep.
Grandma will find you one morning
And cry even though the last 7 days she
Probably cried enough for a lifetime
Because the man she loves
The man she needs
Decided to stop fighting.

The doctor told you, you have 7 days left.
So, grandpa, what will you do with your last 7 days?
I miss you already...
378 · Nov 2015
Untitled
377 · Sep 2013
Untitled
skyyy Sep 2013
I just want to go
Leave,
Get away,
And not come back
For a couple of days

I have $15 in
my wallet
I have a pack of stoges
In my flannel pocket
All I need is
Right here with me

Can I just go,
Leave,
Get away
From all my responsiblities

Can I leave behind
This stupid place
And these stupid people?

Just for a few days
375 · Oct 2017
A mouth full of lies
skyyy Oct 2017
Whiskey  coated our mouths
The first time we kissed
She devoured me,
Ate away my insides and
Replaced them with you.

Sand from the beach
Became suffocated between
Our hands the first time they touched

The ocean played me a symphony
When you brought me to her.
Every time a wave crashed
Against my body,
You pulled me closed

As our bodies became one,
The moon whispered secrets to me
While your eyes were closed

But the sun
Was bright in the morning.
She waited for me
Outside of the hotel room.
She lit my cigarette
And I felt her inside of my lungs

If I still had my insides
They would crawl out of me
Through my heart
And they would wrap around
My throat as the sun and the moon
Rocked me in their arms until
I could no longer breath
364 · Jan 2014
Untitled
skyyy Jan 2014
If you guys want to read some pretty cool poems, my best friend is new to this site. Check her out! http://hellopoetry.com/-natalie-13/
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