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Oct 2020 · 40
Nice solid wooden chair
skyyy Oct 2020
I watched the playlist get smaller, and in turn felt your love for her grow stronger. I’m no longer a part of your life, but the love for her that you have, I feel it too, because as it grows inside you, as it crawls through your throat and vomits out of your mouth, so full there’s only one way to exit, my heart contrasts and restricts and I feel it leaving me and entering her. Everyday. Little by little. I become just a memory. But to me, you are everything. To me, you are the moon when I can’t sleep, the sun when I wish to wake, the wind pushing me, the air I breathe in, and everything I wish not to exhale. I want to keep you inside, in my lungs and in my stomach, but every time I exhale, you wonder farther and farther away, into her arms, into her heart, and I can not breathe fast enough to keep you in anymore. I love you but I can not. I dream of you but I will not. I miss you but I
Oct 2017 · 380
A mouth full of lies
skyyy Oct 2017
Whiskey  coated our mouths
The first time we kissed
She devoured me,
Ate away my insides and
Replaced them with you.

Sand from the beach
Became suffocated between
Our hands the first time they touched

The ocean played me a symphony
When you brought me to her.
Every time a wave crashed
Against my body,
You pulled me closed

As our bodies became one,
The moon whispered secrets to me
While your eyes were closed

But the sun
Was bright in the morning.
She waited for me
Outside of the hotel room.
She lit my cigarette
And I felt her inside of my lungs

If I still had my insides
They would crawl out of me
Through my heart
And they would wrap around
My throat as the sun and the moon
Rocked me in their arms until
I could no longer breath
Jul 2017 · 253
Picking Flowers in December
skyyy Jul 2017
California sun kissed your cheeks
California sun held you in her arms,
Wrapped her hands around your neck
Like the rope you hid in your closet

I miss you.

Do you remember picking flowers
In our backyard

Making homes for bugs
Thinking we were keeping them safe
Locking them away

Do you think our parents
Thought they were keeping us safe too?

How many more times
Did I need to tell you
That I love you and couldn't live
Without you
For you to have stayed

Missouri rain cradled you in her arms
Kissed your track marks and told you
There was nothing wrong
Missouri sky's picked the needles out of
Your arms
Like I used to pick the splinters from
Your fingertips

I miss you.
Feb 2016 · 363
My Dark Room
skyyy Feb 2016
I think about going back in time a lot
I think about all of the ways I could have done something differently
I would go back and tell my parents I appreciate them or
apologize to everyone who deserves it
I would go back and learn people's worth rather than ignore them based off of what I had heard
What I think about the most though,
I would go back and hold you.
I would hold you while you cried
And I would press my lips on your forehead.
And I'd tell you it isn't okay, you can be hurt, your pain is valid
but that does not mean you should feel ashamed.
After the first time it happened,
your dad found you in the living room.
He asked the boy why your underwear
had been pulled down.
You don't remember this, you were too young.
And I wish I could go back
to that moment and stop him.
I would grab his wrist
and squeeze it so tight I would hurt myself
and I would tell him to stop
but he didnt because my grip wasnt strong enough.
And when his finger tips touched your delicate skin,
you felt your entire like change.
And when his fingers tips spread and his palm met your stomach,
you lost the first piece of yourself-
your memory.
But don't worry, dreams will tell you the things you pray to all of the gods not to remember.

I think about going back to the first time you asked him to wait.
You closed your eyes and went to somewhere he couldn't touch you.
You dreamt of somewhere far away.
A room.
A dark room with no doors so no one could come in and the lights were always off.
Now, beautiful angel, this is where it began.
You didn't have to be there anymore.
He wasn't hurting you anymore
or- you don't remember anymore.
Only now in my dreams.

I think about going back to the first time he didn't wait.
Because the lights turned on.
I would find a way to get inside your far away room and I would hold you.
I would bring your face up to meet mine
and as I press my forehead to yours
I would tell you I am going to protect you.
And I would.
And it would all stop there.
But I can't be in two places at once my sweet sweet baby girl
so I will leave you with this,
I way to ask for your forgiveness
Nov 2015 · 381
Oct 2015 · 361
Send me the address
skyyy Oct 2015
poets massacre me,
Authors cut off my limbs
And create a banner
With my fingers being the assumable
Of letters that spell out something
And hang it high above
My dismembered face,
Welcoming my parents
Back to a serene home full of
Laughter. Sweep up the eggshells
They walked on and replace
Them with the beautiful
Carpet my mother always wanted.
when you're ready,
Find something beautiful about me
And let me help you destroy just to be the
One responsible for creating it
Aug 2015 · 349
we can stage a fight
skyyy Aug 2015
Sometimes I want to get up and leave
your house
because you **** me off

Sometimes I want to tell you
to shut up
because you sound dumb

You tell the same joke
and it's not even funny

When you make me really mad
I smoke a cigarette
and walk away
because I avoid confrontation

sometimes I never want to see you again

while I'm smoking
you come outside
to look at me
and I can't look away
I'm not mad anymore
so I kiss you

I still hate your joke
skyyy Aug 2015
I had this fantasy of sleeping with my boss

you were close enough

I miss sneaking around with you

I wonder if you think of me

I'm afraid to see you again
Aug 2015 · 787
I saw an angel once
skyyy Aug 2015
When I close my eyes I see
My mom dying
Or my dad telling me he doesn't love me,
But last night I saw an angel
With blonde hair and pale skin.
Last night I saw a white bed and I was on the left
And she was on the right;
I saw little teeth peak though my lips.
Last night I saw an angel with a round face
And rosy cheeks.
She only giggled and I smiled so much
It hurt.
Last night I saw an angel that doesn't exist
And when I woke up
I knew I will never
Have a daughter because I
Wont remember that we made plans.
Last night I woke up to an angel
That smiled at me and I felt forever full,
But when I woke up I saw
A dark room where i sobbed
And my angel asked mommy why she can't
Come it.
And my beautiful baby girl-
Last night I saw an angel
I had a dream a few months ago of my daughter. I'm very sure I don't want kids but in that dream I felt a love that wasn't even real.
Jul 2015 · 523
You Are Untitled
skyyy Jul 2015
I see my old house and my old
Elementary school everyday
On my way to work.

I've considered finding a different

But maybe I like the
Memories I associate with pain
I associate with that home

Maybe I like the flashbacks
Of a boys Body Oder
Suffocating my nose
And the way my moms perfume filled the air when she
Finally came home

And the relief in my stomach
Because he would stop
And I could breathe again

I would outline
The time in between the hours
When he couldn't touch me
Because it felt like conrtol
But sometimes
When a man touches me waist
I feel sweat dripping from eyes
But when I go to wipe
It away
It isn't there
Jul 2015 · 926
I am untitled
skyyy Jul 2015
I like to take knives to my stomach
And slice down
Where you touched me
To cut
You out
But it doesn't work.
I like to take pins to my eyes
Because I don't want to
See us anymore
But I just bleed a lot.
I like to put bullets
through my tongue
On the spot you made me taste you
But it doesn't work
I like to put knives in your stomach
Because I like the way you cry
I like to put pins in your eyes
Because you don't see me
When I put a bullet through your
Apr 2015 · 550
skyyy Mar 2015
I didn't think you'd grow up
to be so beautiful
and so sad
I wonder if you'll
die before me
your hair is so orange
And your eyes green
and your entire body
kissed with freckles
and your veins pierced
with needles
and your body poisoned
With decay
i am sorry
I wasn't there
tell you
Mar 2015 · 5.9k
My mothers perfume
skyyy Mar 2015
My mothers perfume is sweet
but not like candy or fruit
my mothers perfume is champagne when she exhales
and wet concrete when she sobs in the dark
my mothers perfume is laughter written on
her face with $40 eyeliner
that does not smudge when she cries
my mothers perfume is her hair in my face
when i fall asleep next to her on the couch
my mothers perfume is not a smell
but a feeling in my chest when I hug her
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
skyyy Feb 2015
I remember how my world turned blue
everything I saw was blue
like we were under water now
like when we fell asleep we were in the ocean
but sometimes we were red
like when you slapped me for no reason
Like when you said you want to hurt me
Like the ocean turned to blood and
I was going to drown
but then you said you love me
and I could breathe again
Feb 2015 · 320
I dont eat
skyyy Feb 2015
I don't eat
I shake
I drink water
I drink more water
I smoke a cigarette
I lose weight

I eat
I throw up
I throw up more
My throat hurts
my chest hurts
I smoke a cigarette
I lose weight

I stand up
I can't see anything
I sit back down
I feel warm
I shake
I don't eat

I eat
I drink water
I throw up
My chest hurts
I throw up
I can't breathe
I can't breathe
i feel dizzy
I smoke a cigarette

My knuckles are red
my throat hurts
I cut my throat with my nail
I know this can **** me
I don't want to die
I'm scared

I want to be skinny
I'm scared
I want to be pretty
I don't want to die
i want to be skinny
I do it again
Feb 2015 · 297
skyyy Feb 2015
god is the way I
feel when you are inside me
I think I love you
Jan 2015 · 554
dear john
skyyy Jan 2015
I'm lying on the cold concrete again
I think there are bees in my
They must have snuck in threw my
I'm lying on my side again
Because I don't want to choke on
My *****
I'm lying on the cold concrete again
The bees are stinging me
and my veins are bursting
Theres blood on this sidewalk
I threw up and drew a smiley face
In it
Dec 2014 · 316
when I asked
skyyy Dec 2014
When I asked if you still loved her
you said no
When I asked you to tell me about her
you did
When I asked you if you still loved her again
you said you didn't think so
I bit my lip and tried not to cry
skyyy Nov 2014
My whole body breaks out in goose bumps
When I clench my jaw,
Starting to remember your
Hands on either side of my face,
Gracefully pulling my hair away
From my eyes,
Because you loved to see me.
And when I think about how
Much I love you I feel a pit
Growing in stomach and
It feels like I’ve gotten the wind
Knocked out of me.
I wish I would have kissed you
On the forehead more
While I had the
Nov 2014 · 313
insert name here
skyyy Nov 2014
It's 3 am and I'm chainsmoking
I wrapped myself up in a cocoon with a blanket but I'm still shivering
Thinking about how you used
To wrap me up in your arms
While we slept on a ***** floor
But I was always comfortable
I miss the sound of your voice
So I get drunk every night and
Listen to the voicemail you sent me
In 2010
skyyy Nov 2014
I haven't seen you for a week
The night before was perfect
The *** was awkward
but amazing because it was with you.
We had one tiny blanket to share
I mostly stayed warm wrapped in your
in that moment I realized that one day
we wouldn't sleep so close to each other
That eventually we'd drift apart
even in our sleep
As I closed my eyes and you began to snore
I realized that one day you'd steal the
blanket and I'd wrap myself up with the sheet
I was falling asleep and smiling because
i thought about our future
I saw us together in a ****** apartment
with a ****** bed and I was angry because
you kept stealing the blanket
The next morning we'd wake up
and I wouldn't talk to you until I had
a cup of coffee and a cigarette and you wouldn't try to talk to me because you know
I hate everything in the morning
Halfway through my coffee as
I'm light my second cigarette I'd tell you
I love you and you'd say "I know"

I'm almost asleep now dreaming about
this life we'll have
i wake up enough to tell you I lpve you
I tell you that I'll be happy one day
ams that we'll be perfect together
you mumble "we already are"

But that's not how things worked out
I'm drunk And sad
and I cant even write a decent poem
but if you call,
I'll come to you
and I'll kiss you through the see-through
glass and I'll tell you I love you
And I'll kiss you through the bars
and I'll tell you I lpve you
and I'll go home and I will go home and get drunk and then I'll probably write another really ****** poem about you because I ******* love you
because I'm ******* in love with you
and I think I fell in love with you the first time I kissed you
I felt this pit in my stomach the first time we
met and I feel it every time I think about you now
iT's been 5 years and I think it's love
Oct 2014 · 322
skyyy Oct 2014
sitting on the concrete
i think the sun had a crazy night
because its still asleep
these lights hurt my eyes.
oh wait there aren't any lights
i think i'm going crazy
why does my head still hurt
you make my physically sick
i think its raining
never mind it's just my eyes
i hope you never get good head
i hope you choke on your *******
skyyy Oct 2014
October 13th,
I see you at a party.
The first time in almost a year.
At 8 you want to catch up
and tell me about how sorry you are
for ******* my best friend
and then falling in love with her.
At 10 you tell me that you wish you weren't such
a pig
10:15 you say you aren't that person anymore
1 am you kiss me
2 am you say you'll prove to me that you can be trusted.

October 14th,
I see you at a party.
You got me presents and told me I'm beautiful
at 8 my stomach hurts.
I can feel you growing inside me,
long branches stretching from my stomach
through my throat and it's gagging me as
each phrase pours out of your mouth.
I'm choking and it hurts.
At 10 we drink whiskey and mistake it for mutual respect
11 pm you tell me you'll show me that this time will be different
12 am you tell me not to move away
12 am you tell me you love me
12 am I tell you I love you
12 am you say it again
and I tell you I don't believe you
and you tell me you'll give me everything I want
12 am we take another swig of whiskey
and as the cinnamon coats my mouth
we mistake this burn for passion
and I tell you I've always loved you
or maybe that I'll always love
and you tell me I don't know what love is
but I say it anyways.

I'll leave out the rest of the night
because somethings I want to myself

October 15th,
5 am I wake up in your arms and
I kiss you goodbye.
You tell me you're going to hang out with friends
and you'll talk to me later

11 pm you call me and tell me you love me
I start to gag because you want to tell me something
my stomach hurts
and I can feel something sharp expanding in my esophagus
I say okay because I didn't have enough in me to tell you to shut up

11  pm you tell me you kissed another girl
11 pm you tell me she kissed you first
11 pm you tell me you're sorry and it won't happen again
11 pm you tell me you only want me
11 pm you tell me not to abandon you again
11 pm and I wish I had whiskey to coat my mouth
so I can mistake this pain for passion,
so I could go on believing everything you say
11 pm and I wish I had something to burn my throat
but instead I'm just choking.

11 pm I tell you I'm tired and I hang up
Aug 2014 · 358
half asleep writing to you
skyyy Aug 2014
Maybe I loved you.
But I'd never admit it
Because I'm saving that feeling.
For some one who's worth it.

I couldn't actually love some one
as mean as you, right?
Aug 2014 · 1.8k
another cliche poem
skyyy Aug 2014
I can still remember that one night
we laid on the side walk as it rained.
I remember how my heart started beating
really fast when you scooted closer and our arms touched.
I remember how your lips were chapped and your mouth
was dry.
I remember the way you hugged me that night
and how happy we were at that party.
We sat in the corner, arm to arm and talked
as if no one else was there.
I remember showing you Hurt by nine inch nails
and how you told me you liked
Johnny Cash's cover better.
I remember the passion in your eyes when you were explaining why.
I remember the nervous laugh followed by a "sorry" and the crooked
smile that all went together
as if it were some sort of recipe
to make my heart speed up.
I remember the song you used to tell me
you'd sing to me
and I remember playing it in your friends garage
and I remember you smiling at me
as if you were saying "this is ours"

And I'll always remember the first time you kissed me
because your mouth was dry
and your lips were chapped
and it was 3 in the morning
and you were walking me home
and I was shivering because it was winter.
You stopped walking and grabbed my arm
I remember how I swung around to face you
and how it was like the movies.
or how the only thing to light up your
face was the orange streetlights.
I remember how once we kissed I couldn't breathe.
I thought I was being choked.
you took my breath away.

I remember how I dated a few people after you
I remember their lips being really soft
and their mouths were never dry.
I remember comparing them to you
and not knowing why.
Because I'm definitely over you.
I remember that you told me,
no matter what,
I'd always have a piece of your heart.
I think you're a really good liar.
I hear people talk about you and
I want to join the conversation and
tell them stories about the funny stuff we did
but then I remember that I was a secret.
We were a secret.
I guess it'd be dumb to tell people now.
So when people ask,
I pretend like I don't know what it
feels like to have loved and lost.
Jun 2014 · 325
skyyy Jun 2014
As red drips through
the many cracks of a wall
my mind slowly becomes more vague.
I stand over the wall that was once a pale yellow
and I try to remember what yellow actually looks like.
But I cannot remember because I cannot imagine
a color other than red.
But then the wall becomes black,
no everything becomes black and I can not remember
what red looks like.
I try to imagine how this wall once looked
but there is no longer any wall.
not a yellow wall, not a red wall, not even a black wall.
May 2014 · 1.3k
tinas poem
skyyy May 2014
Big butts
small butts
round butts
flat butts
All butts
are nice butts
butts butts butts
skyyy May 2014
Dear brother,
One day I will hand you this poem
and let it speak to you like
a letter that you've been expecting.
But it will not stop you from
cringing as each word becomes the next
and you start to really feel
what you've done to me.

Dear brother,
Sometimes I have nightmares
that your hands are pressed against
my bare skin again
and I wake up soaking in my sweat
and my cheeks soggy with tears.

Dear brother,
When I confronted you,
you only apologized if it was followed by
an excuse.
And when you told me it wasn't your fault
I wanted to puke.

Dear brother,
I was given two options.
He said I can take this to my grave
or I can get the closure I deserve.

Dear brother,
I told mom last week because
I couldn't let what you did to me
devour who I want to become.
And keeping this buried
for the rest of my life
will do neither of us any good.
She wiped away my tears and kissed my cheek.
I know your automatic reply
will be "Why are you doing this to me?"

Dear brother,
You are the one that did it to yourself.
I did not make you hurt me,
I did not make you lie to me.
I did not make you put your hands
on me and tell me it's okay.

Dear brother,
Maybe one day
this will be in the past.
Maybe one day I will be able
to live for the first time.
Maybe one day I will
not hear the word "big brother"
and want to cry.
But the only way that will ever happen
Is if you start dealing with the consequences.
I am giving you back your burden.
It never belonged to me anyways.

Dear brother,
I'm sorry
but this is no longer about
May 2014 · 633
skyyy May 2014
Love is like the flicker of a light bulb
that's about to burn out.
After a while the light is no longer there.

Go out and buy a new light bulb.

But don't mistake loose bolb
for one that is burnt out.
Apr 2014 · 3.8k
this poem is ugly
skyyy Apr 2014
This is not a pretty poem.
there will be no metaphor
about how the leaves dance
with the music
nor a simile about how alike the speed
Of breeze and my heart rate are

This is not a sad poem.
I will not explain the way
The self inflicted scars on my arms
can be connected to spell
out what happened to me.
or the way the scars in my head
can be connected to spell out
his name.

This is not a beautiful poem
I will not lie
and say that I have overcome my
abuse and am now a more happy

This is a direct poem.
I will not sugar coat what he did.
I will not hide behind
phrases that can easily be
mistakes for relationship

1) he left me with a guilt that
Belonged to him.
2) He will never acknowledge what he did
Was wrong. Instead he will excuse
And pretend like he didn't mean to.
3) I grew up to believe his secret was mine and that I needed
To keep it for me, not him.
I am still incapable of telling the difference
4) I was sexually abused for 5 years
5) I have to sit in the middle when
We go on long trips in the car.
6) My brother still comes over for
Easter dinner.
7) I skip dinner and tell my
Mother I'm going to my friends
8) While he eats dinner with our family,
While he jokes and laughs
And enjoys moms meat loaf
I go to a park and chain smoke cigarettes with tears
As cold as his touch falling
From my eyes.
I absorb his guilt
I absorb his fear
I hide while his lies are burried
Too deep for anyone to dig up.
Mar 2014 · 860
hypothetical questions
skyyy Mar 2014
A gun only holds so many bullets.
How long until you run out?
How long can you let
bullets spiral out towards
Will the last bullet go through
your head?
Will it be by your hands?
Or his?
skyyy Mar 2014
If words were a knife
and my mind was skin.
you were the man that left a
scar on my wrist.
If letters were thoughts
and the alphabet wasn't rehearsed
I'd be stuck tryinging to remember
the phrases you burned me with.
but like the alphabet I've memorized
everything you said to me
And like exposed skin held over fire for too long,
You left a mark that will never go away.
Mar 2014 · 627
the moon is full tonight
skyyy Mar 2014
9:41 pm
I sit outside on my front porch
with a cigarette burning in between
my fingers.
I hear the sound of my thoughts
racing so quickly that I can't think at all.
I shut it all out to hear the sound of water
trickling from across the street
and I realize that my neighbors have
a small fountain in their front yard.
I hear the sound of tires screeching
One street over from mine.
For the three years I've lived
in this house a night hasn't fone by
Where I haven't heard the oddly familiar
sound of rubber tires burning on the road.

One night the screech lasted so long
I was sure someone would die
I was waiting for the sound of a crash.
when I drove down the street
a white care was in the middle of
a fence half on fire.

A few months later
at 4 in the morning a man was
driving home from the bar and fell asleep
his car went straight into the garage of
a house a few streets over,
Hit the water heater and the house went up
in flames.
No one died.

This poem has no meaning or significant ending.
a lot like life.
Mar 2014 · 606
weak on my knees
skyyy Mar 2014
Maybe its the way your lips
Curl out
Or that when you push
Your hair behind your ear
You do it with the very tip
Of your *******,
Or how ridiculous you look when
You want something.
Eyes softly glaring up at me
Eyebrows pinched in
As you ask me for a
Single puff of my cigarette.
I don't know what it is
About you that makes
Me feel like I've been shot
In the stomach
But every word you
Say to me sounds alot like a trigger
And I've noticed that when
You're with her your lips curl in,
You brush your hair behind your
Ear with the quickest swipe
Of your entire hand,
You don't ask her to hit her cigarettes
Because she just hands it to you.
You don't impress her with
Intricate movements
Because she doesn't need
Details to admire you.
I was wrong to think
No one would ever love you
More than I do.
skyyy Feb 2014
I thought I meant nothing to you
Now I know you cared
enough to make sure no one elses
hands ever touch my skin
the way yours once did
But not enough to ever
feel my cheekbones with your finger tips
Feb 2014 · 706
3. regression
skyyy Feb 2014
In psychology there's this theory
That when you get angry or sad
Your attitude and the way you react goes back
To the age when the first bad thing
Happened to you
Whether it be when you were 7 you saw your
Parents fight for the first time.
Screaming profanities into each others
Faces. Vases breaking,  t.v. cracking
From the lamp your father threw
Aiming at your mother
And in that moment you realized
That life is not always going to
Be chasing butterflies
And searching for the end of the rainbow
Or maybe when you were 9 you
Accidentally walked in on your
Big sister with a needle in her
Arm and as she jumped up quickly
Yelled "get the **** out" your
Curiosity got you to wonder what she
Was doing and when you asked your
Teacher at school the next day
she explained what drugs do
And you realized that you do not
Need a gun to **** yourself

When you were 10 and your parents separated you knew that love
Was not forever

When you were 10 and your mom
Was diagnosed with cancer
You realized that sickness was not
The common cold
And pain was not a scrape on the knee

When you were 8 and you saw a man
Get shot and killed down the street
From where you felt safe
You realized that in our world
a baggy of *******
Is more valuable than someone's life

When you were 5 and daddy hit you for the first time
And you realized love is not real
Unless pain is involved

All of these things are defining factors in our livesn affecting how we treat others
Affecting how we treat ourselves

when I heard this
Theory I tried to remember
How old I was when I first felt pain
In one way or another and
It took me a long time to realize
That my memory wont let me go back to
The first time it happened
In my footie pajamas
Toddler age when you took me into the bedroom and showed me how people
Love each other
Except I do not remember love nor affection
I feel humiliation and disgusted

Its funny that when I'm sad
I just put a smile
On my face so I do not have to
Repeatedly assure anyone I am okay
I pretend to be okay
Because that is all I know
How to do

Its funny that when I get angry
I will stop fighting
And eventually just nod and say okay

In psychology there's this theory
That when you get angry or sad
Your attitude and the way you react
Goes back to the age when the first bad thing happened to you
Its called regression. The third out of nine defense mechanisms
And the one that seems most relevant
In my life
Feb 2014 · 350
touch me
skyyy Feb 2014
I can still feel your
finger tips under my skin
sometimes I wish I never let you in
skyyy Feb 2014
Misleading words lead to mistaken actions.
I guess I misunderstood when
you said you loved holding me.
I guess you meant
you didn't know how to be alone.
Feb 2014 · 601
special and worthless
skyyy Feb 2014
I love the way it sounds
rolling out of your mouth
when you tell me you think I'm beautiful
Running in circles to let me know
That you cared more than
anyone else
Proving to me that no one would love me like you
I guess I was disappointed
when I realized
that you barely loved me at all

I had you wrapped around my finger,
Letting you run in circles
trying to show me that
No one will ever treat me
like a princess,
Not the way you did
I loved every second of it
I loved the attention

And I don't know when you stopped
telling me I was beautiful
but I think it was right after
Our bodies explored each others,
fingers slowly moving from
one spot to another.
and when it was over you used
the word "*******" to describe what we had done

Call me a romantic,
But I prefer "making love"
Because thats what I was doing
I had never been with anyone sober before
that night.
I was never able to give myself
to someone that way
unless I felt comfortable
and for me that meant at least two beers
or three consecutive shots

And when I told you that,
I remember your face so clearly.
Dead eyes, straight faced,  you
Pretty much,
in more or less words
called me a *****.
I am not a **** because
I felt insecure.
I am not a ***** because
I've been hurt.
Everyone has a first everything.
you were the first to make me feel
so special and so worthless
at the same time

And while you were "******* a *****"
I was "making love to a gentleman"
thoughts from an old relationship
Feb 2014 · 699
skyyy Feb 2014
You took away a life
I could have had
and replaced it with
a feeling of self loathe.
You made me hate myself
because I wasn't allowed
to hate you.
I could have been different.
I'll never get to meet myself.
you killed her when she was 5
Feb 2014 · 304
when I stopped breathing
skyyy Feb 2014
I was five years old when I died.
I was five years old when
my life was taken away from me.
The imaginary monster in my head
wasn't imaginary.
and every kid has a nighmare where
the monster creeps out and
Right before its about to attack
they wake up.
but I never woke up from my nightmare.
Because it wasn't a nightmare.
I could have been so much more.
You ripped the life I was supposed to have
away from me.
you broke me
you pretended I was
a thin piece of paper.
you crumpled me,
Ripped me up into a million little pieces,
Stepped on me as I ly bruised and vacant eyed
Face down on the floor and you spat on me.
and as the spit fell in my tangled hair
I heard you speak
You mumbled
and you laughed at me.
I was five and broken
because of what you did to me
I will never be the same
because I died when I was 5
And for 10 years I've thought I was just asleep
deep down somewhere
but now I know that who I was is gone
who I was supposed to be is dead
and I can't hear her voice anymore
Jan 2014 · 643
tell me I'm good enough
skyyy Jan 2014
I'll only feel happy when
I'm around enough people
to convince me that it exists

I'll only feel determined
when it means
getting away from here

I'll only feel pretty when my
face is masked with societies expectations.
and mascara

I'll only feel worthy when
I'm hungry
and a pound lighter than yesterday

I'll only feel loved when
I'm lying inches away from
someone who thinks they know me enough
to carelessly let out an "I love you"
Between each moan
but hasn't known me long enough
to know my real name
Jan 2014 · 539
skyyy Jan 2014
Secrets always come out.
Even when you confide in only yourself.
your unconscious mind reveals hints
with words rolling out of your mouth every once in a while
and they may seem irrelevant at the time
but one day
someone will piece it together
and your hidden words will spell out
"I cannot tell you; It's a secret.
But its refreshing to know someone cares enough
to put my unconscious word puzzle together"
And they will keep it a secret
until their curiosity
plays tricks on their mind
and it'll start to reveal hidden words
until someone pieces it together
and the words will spell out,
"her secret is killing her. She cannot tell anyone,
and her pain is no longer bearable"
Jan 2014 · 364
skyyy Jan 2014
If you guys want to read some pretty cool poems, my best friend is new to this site. Check her out!
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
the F word
skyyy Jan 2014
Your lips on mine
Soft, gentle.
Your chest on mine,
Hard and tight.
One hand on my face
The other on my legs
Slowly moving up my thighs
Your teeth on my neck
Biting me
I'm breathing heavy
I let out a moan
My nails on your back
Starting from the bottom
Clawing their way up
You're breathing heavy
I want you
Right here
Right now
**** me
And only that
don't tell me you love me
One night of regret
one night of low morals
and no self respect
**** it
**** me
**** it all
Jan 2014 · 790
I don't care
skyyy Jan 2014
A great word to describe myself.
I don't care
what people say
what people do
how much alcohol I'm going to drink
or "how it affects you"
That I smoke
or that you don't
that you're straight
that I'm not
or if you think that "its wrong"
I just don't care.
not about my health
or that I'm far behind in school
but now,
Everything's changed
I might need to care
what I do might hurt you.
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
two months ago
skyyy Jan 2014
Two months ago you picked me up in to hangout
because that's what friends do
I hadn't seen you in a while
so we had a lot of catching up to do.

You got me a pack of cigarettes
and I smoked them all that night
but I didn't throw away the empty pack
we talked and you showed me bands I'd never heard of.

It got late
we climbed onto a roof and just layed there
watching the stars
you told me stories and I started to remember
how much I loved to hear you talk
I guess you liked hearing me talk too.

It was so cold that night
or maybe I was just shaking because of how
close we were
you took your jacket off and put it around me
I made you come closer so I could put it around both of us.

Your arm brushed up against mine
I turned my head towards yours
we looked into each others eyes
and as much as we enjoyed our conversations
we enjoyed our silences too.

But nothing happened that night
no kiss on the rooftop under the stars
no kiss goodbye when you dropped me off
It didn't take long for us to get serious though
maybe a week.

You were the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep
you were the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up
they say that when that happens its either something that's making you really happy or really sad
looking back I can't tell the difference.

Your kisses were sweet
But never gave me butterflies
your hugs were warm
like you didn't know how to let go
but I realize now what we had wasn't
love or something developing into it.

We were simply just two friends
who understood each other
we wanted the same things
we could talk about anything
and we stupidly decided that that meant
we should be together.

I don't regret it
even now that we aren't friends
now that we don't talk or like each others
statuses on Facebook.

I'll always remember the night we had our first kiss
we were saying goodbye
and as you kissed me you grabbed my hand
like you just wanted to hold it
but when I walked away you slipped your
guitar pick into the center of my palm
no words were exchanged
I just smiled and we enjoyed the silence.

I still have that guitar pick
it stays put away in the pack of cigarettes you got me
and in the cellophane of the Marlboro lights
I put a movie ticket from the night before we watched the stars
so I'd always remember the day I gave my heart to you
November 9th, 2013

today is another important date though
January 7th, 2014
the day that I woke up and thought to myself
"****, that coffee smells good"
Dec 2013 · 344
skyyy Dec 2013
One cut
That's all I want
For now
Just one cut
Not too deep
I won't bleed too much
Just one cut
To break the skin
Just one cut
To break the silence
Just one cut
To feel something
Other than this
Dec 2013 · 448
kiss me
skyyy Dec 2013
Kiss me
Do it gently
Do it hard
Put your lips on mine
Do it tender
Do it soft
Kiss me
Do it anyway you want
Just kiss me
And keep kissing me until
I feel something with you
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