Your presence seeped into every aspect of my life,
leaving memories behind
that seems to haunt me like tidal waves;
but I am no swimmer,
and my emotions drowns me.

I see you everywhere,
the memories of you is always on replay,
but the stop button is broken
and I am forced to watch it.

But that's what you are now,
just memories.

So as I walk alone at the path going home
that you and I used to take,
my loneliness tries to overwrite our moments together.

But my presence cannot overpower yours,
because you have imprinted yourself in every aspect of me.

You were part of my definition,
and now I'm simply a part of an explanation that used to be whole.

I stopped writing the day I left you
Because with 1300 miles to seperate us
I am slowly forgetting what it feels like
To feel gravity pushing on me through your body
Or to hear you whisper me to sleep

I quit singing in the shower
The moment I got on that plane
Because no bathroom echoes the way yours does
And no water can rinse you into me

I've been turning into something since that day
Something not made of my particles
And I think it has to do with
Them still sticking to your skin

It's the first time I feel my heart is whole, unbroken and full

I am proud that I pushed myself for so long, and finally exceeded this glass ceiling that I unconsciously created.

I reached a place of self actualization

A place I thought was made up for traumatized people to aspire to.

I feel that for once my heart is actually mine.

That my heart is home

Home for me not the people that abandoned me.

What a feeling.

I learned my worth

And I feel free

*Thank you.

I fell in love with you on molly
I fell in lust with you on ****
Felt bigger than myself
Wanted you and no one else
on LSD
But heartbreak came with sassafras
You looked at me with eyes of glass
Because the high can never really last
And now my dreams live in the past