I look into those eyes that I use to stare into for hours...
Now I can’t even stand looking in them.
I listen to your voice that I use to melt to...
Now when I hear it, all I hear is lies.
I see that big smile you smiled when we video chatted...
Now when I see it, my mind floods with memories we had...
I actually fell for you.
When others tried to warn me about you. I never believed them. I would make stupid excuses like;
“He is gonna change, he promised” “he loves me” “he is different”
But I guess those are other broken promises.
I kind of ****** because I was head over heels for you.
But I bet it ****** more for you. Because you lost someone who was actually in love with you.

My monsters hold me back from eating.
My monsters control me.
My monsters hurt me...
But yet, my monsters were always there for me...
When I was younger I met my monsters.
They were my best friends.
At least... Thats what they told me...
They would always follow me. Tell me what to do.
But they said it was because they love me...
They tell me that I can’t make any friends.
Sometimes they criticize me...
They say; “you’re fat” “you’re not worth it” “she will find someone better” “he will find someone better” “you’re not good enough”... etc...
The list goes on for a long time... But not as long as the list about how much I hate myself.
My monsters are really quiet.
So quiet only I can hear them.
They talk a lot in my head.
I try to tell other what they say but they don’t believe me.
Only some do... They have the same monsters...
Do you know the monsters?
Their names are depression, anxiety, jealousy, hatred, sadness, and insecurities...
Do you have those monsters?

its 1 in the morning... when everyone else is snoring... im here thinking... save me im sinking... i hate smiling... because in the inside im lying... i tried hiding these emotions with drinking... it felt like i was spinning... but baby when im with you, i feel like im winning. every night im wishing... hoping... and missing... my heart is what youre fixing... when im with you, it starts beating... pinch me, it feels like I’m dreaming...

lately i have been punching walls. hoping i won’t go and fall. I don’t want to go back. nothing is working, not even the Prozac... i feel like an experiment... giving me this new medication, im getting irritant... ive been getting mad easily.. hurting people, repeatedly... im thinking about giving up on friends... everything always ends... im starting to push people away... the depression is getting to me everyday..
nevermind... ill save this for A rainy day...

i can feel my self changing... my emotions are draining... the only emotions i have is sadness and anger... there’s weight on my shoulders, feels like an anchor... I dont know why I keep writing poems, it’s not like anyone reads them... im starting to care less, starting to feel numb... they say this pain will end... so here I am, breaking and bend... waiting for it to happen... but this anger is taking over, im gonna start snapping... I try and escape from reality... im such a nobody..

When I eat I feel sick to my stomach. Don’t you love it? When you’re down and hurting, these “friends” just watch and sit.
But when they are in pain, you run to care. This isn’t fair. They see you crying but they don’t talk to you, they wouldnt dare... So these emotions attack you viscously just like a bear.  
You’re heart is broken in a million pieces. They come into your life and take a a piece so your heart decreases... They complain about you not having a heart, so your anger releases.
You hide in your room silently crying... Inside, you feel like you’re dying. But outside, you don’t dare show the pain, so you start smiling.
These emotions you have are crazy. Inside, your mind is hazy. You have no motivation to do anything, they call you lazy.
You feel so alone. You feel unknown. Your depression is your chaperone. You feel like you’re on your own.
Now you’re drinking till you black out. Hoping your feelings will be shutout. Depression and anxiety is playing a game, there is no timeout.
You just want to end this pain. Your head is pounding, causing a migraine. You just want to be sane. So you start smoking the Mary Jane.
It doesn’t work. Now you’re acting like a ****. To others that’s a quirk.
These voices won’t shut up. They callin you a **** up. Now you’re crying, in your throat is a lump.
You can’t hold it in. You feel like a sin. You try your best, but you can never win. Now you’re on your knees yelling, “when!?”
“When will I be happy!? Why do I always feel ******!? Why am I a nobody!?”
You feel weak. Happiness is what you’re trying to seek. Tears are streaming down your cheek.
You can’t do this anymore. What is there to live for? You try to fight, it’s like a war.
A never ending war....