shipwrecked

shipwrecked Nov 2020

some days are worse than others. the tide pulls me under most times.

no buoy or life jacket to keep me afloat.

it's more like an anchor dragging me down into the depths.

some days I can hardly even breathe. my chest hurts from the moment I wake up to the moment I try to sleep.

but I'm just sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I can never swim in.

i look in the mirror and the smile I see is not the one you gave me so long ago.

its just a ghost of a memory I can never get back.

i'm getting better at tricking the darkness into letting it's grip off of my heart.

i'm getting better at keeping my head above water.

i'm getting better at pretending it's all alright even though I'm constantly breaking inside.

i don't know how much more I can break.

i sure do miss you being here.

you were my life jacket that kept me safe from the most devastating hurricanes.

i don't know what I did to make it all go away.

please come home.

#shipwreck #distance #captain #logs #ldr #love #miss #you #home #hurricane

shipwrecked Nov 2020

• captain's log #6 •

your hoodie hangs in my closet quietly

it mocks me over and over again reminding me that you're not here

i can barely even touch it, let alone look at it

i want to feel your comforting embrace wrapped around my frail and broken shell of a body

but you left me here; a shipwreck left to rot

i can't bear to even feel the ghost of your embrace

if I wrap that hoodie around my shipwrecked frame, I will start crying

and by that I mean my tears will create a storm so devastating it ends the world

yet you never come back

if you loved me, why'd you leave me?

#shipwreck #distance #captain #logs #ldr #love #missyou

shipwrecked Nov 2020

• captain's log #5 •

i've been jumping in front of trains lately

asking myself if it's really worth the risk

the way a skydiver looks at the ground miles away and wonders if today is the day it doesn't work out

while you're halfway across the country by now, leaving this all behind

i've been jumping in front of trains lately

wondering what the hell it will take for you to see the pain you left inside me

if I could just find the right thing to prove to you that I'm dying

maybe then you'd come back home

11/12/20 | 2:47pm

#shipwreck #captain #logs #sad #distance #ldr #love #trains #home

shipwrecked Nov 2020

• captain's log #4 •

i'm becoming more reckless as the days go on
jumping off buildings and jumping in front of cars
not to die but to almost die
maybe then you'd come back home
maybe then you'd see just how much pain you caused me
but even if you did come home, at this point I'm not sure I would be able to forgive you anymore

11/12/20 | 2:35pm

#shipwreck #depression #sad #home #missyou #distance #love #captain #logs

shipwrecked Nov 2020

• captain's log #3 •

the further you go away, the less I can breathe
who has this agonizing grip on my heart?
and where can I speak to them, to ask them to let off?
i haven't felt pain this demanding until now

11/11/20 | 10:45am

#captain #logs #heart #faraway #ldr #shipwreck

shipwrecked Nov 2020

• captain's log #2 •

i'm trying to convince myself
that maybe if I cry enough tears to create a whole new ocean
then maybe you'd see how much you broke me when you left
and then maybe you'd come back home

11/11/20 | 12:11am

#captain #logs #home #ocean #shipwreck #sad #tears #cry

shipwrecked Nov 2020

• captain's log #1 •

today felt like I was a zombie walking through a ghost town
..broken..dreary..numb..
interally and externally
i'm officially not okay anymore

11/10/20 | 8:07pm

#captain #logs #shipwreck #notokay #zombie #ghost #broken #numb #empty

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