A cut i thought would hurt you
The pain would make you understand how hurt i was.
The damage never too big
But the scar never too small

I thought you would cry looking at the person i had become
I thought you would wail about how good i was
I thought you would understand what a mistake you had made
But the cuts never ended
Each time i held the silver reckless metal.
Each time taking a part of my soul
Each time taking a part of my humanity

Time passed and the wounds became scars
But the scars not only left a mark at gullible skin but my tired heart too.
When i held that Mirror like metal for the last time
Trying to prove my Bravery
Little did i know that I had lost my courage forever along with my sanity.

I'm not sure of anything anymore.
I don't know why I'm sad,
or so broken.
All I know is that I'm tired
Of hurting
Of fighting
Of bleeding
Of ******* up
Of crying myself to sleep each night.

I just want to be happy again.
I want things to be as they used to.
When I had no worries,
Or responsibilities.
Back when I was free
And still innocent.

I keep making mistakes,
And I can't seem to please anyone.
I constantly wonder why I'm still alive,
Because a sinner like me deserves to die,
Right?

It's just so hard to believe in yourself when There's nothing left to believe in.
I'm so broken
And my heart is aching,
Yearning,
For better days.
For things to get better.
For happiness.
Or am I a fool for hoping?

Lie to me.
Tell me that I am everything I never was.
Tell me that I am beautiful and watch me tremble and shake.
Look into my eyes and lie to my face, will you?

Why did I build my home on such
an unsteady foundation
of lies and insecurity?
Time and time again,
I swallow my grief
just to blink back tears and brush the truth away.
Stay where you are and do not come near.
Don't cause a land slide that will surely destroy me.
I will be crushed under the weight of so many lies
weakly supported by kind intentions.

Hide the truth for me if you love me truly.
Cover my eyes and whisper into my ears: you are beautiful.
Protect me with your lies.

when your hearts in love it will skip a beat
take you by surprise sweep you of your feet
make you want to sing make you want dance
fill you up with happiness fills you with romance

such a lovely feeling gives your heart a glow
runs right through your body as it begins to flow
makes you feel so safe warms you up inside
fills your heart with gladness fills you up with pride

it will give you feelings you never knew you had
bring you lots of joy make you feel so glad
such a lovely thing when love comes to you
a feeling you will have for your whole life through

Sometimes I feel like weaving a tale so tragic
A blade which would make even Death nostalgic
Make people stay wide awake through nights
In mute ways of terror and endless fright

Underneath insides of men stapled to the sky
And silence offered to screams as hopes die
A crowded song of panic where they keep
The most vivid of their fears in restless sleep

I ask the winds to make the night cry for me
I ask the shadows to make the light die for me
I ask the branches to crackle and tell a secret
Into ready ears and also tell them to keep it

Drifting in darkness I make them try to touch
The rotten corpses of their own dreams and hopes
I whisper with certainty that they've run of of luck
Tell them that the magic blade cuts to the bone

So in desperation and alarm they finally scream
That merciless secret into nothingness unseen
The secret of their souls in ignorance pretending
Knowing nothing about the night never ending

A wisp of gray cloud slips by
like a passing doubt.

A fleeting black thought flies
with the shadow of a wasp.

An unfelt feeling of cold fear
seeks warmth through window light.

Striped feral cat creeps too near,
sees red-tailed hawk in flight.

Time spent with toes in sand,
washed by water clear and cold.

Empty thoughts to understand,
one wave comes, another one goes.

r ~ 4/11/14

It isn't there right next to me
trying to make me 'feel'
peering over my shoulder
determined to be real
'Turn the other way Louise!
You don't need to look
the thing that you can't see,
it isn't even real in my book!'
So why, without its limbs
can it touch a susceptible nerve
playfully pluck at my heart strings
suggesting a love I don't deserve
Pretending I am unfeeling
it will surely disappear
I'll protect my heart that it's stealing
it'll leave and I'll stay right here
I know I'll feel alone again
but for my heart I have to care
patiently I am seated with my pen
and avoid the something that isn't there

Her heart is a broken record
Constantly being scratched by knives and scissors
Lost in their quest to find a spot still intact

When put in the old phonograph
It plays a soft melody filled with piano notes
That sound like rain on a gray day

The strings of the violin echoes in the background
Along with the lower tones of the cellos
The solitary saxophone cries;
The flutes and clarinets follow its lead,
Desperately letting out their high notes of agony

Drums emerge blasting anger
Encouraging the rest of the instruments to go along
And when it is about to hit its ******…
Another scratch – a deep crooked scratch.
It takes a while before the song starts over.

It’s hard to imagine
This was once a beautiful, shiny vinyl
That stood up in the wooden shelf
Now it is filled with dust
Making company – only – to the Merlot sitting by the desk
And to the ears that can hear nothing
But the harmony of the broken hearted.

Red rose
reflecting the color of love
in our cursed world,
since the day
you lost your gloss,
and looking so pale,
lost and forlorn
the moon has lost her sheen,
that held us close,
Waves of the sea lost their tune
and had fallen mute,
the sea breeze
completely evades
my path, as if I had
unfairly jilted her friend.
The beams of sun lost
their warmth,
the mingled fragrance
I inhale from my garden
where  variety of flowers bloom,
is now absent,
My pale, maudlin rose
disconcerted I am
beyond words,
what has the world done
to you for you to loose your hue,
shall I fall in love with you
all over again,
make your heart dance with love,
at the move of my wand?
Set the wrong of the world
right once again, with my tears
shall we be whole,once again
like before?