I wrote a poem when I died...
Another at my birth.
A brand-new sonnet when I cried.
And again when there was mirth.

A song for my confession...
A story for my pain...
A painting for depression...
And nursery rhymes for rain.

My creations live inside my heart.
I keep them there in shame.
Yet you looked around and saw my art,
And smiled all the same.

When I first moved to Seattle at age 21,

I had a vision.

My reasoning to recreate myself.

A longing to be an independent woman,

far away from my Father.

Thought I would change into this "glorious" being.

Ironically enough, I didn't change,

in fact, I became even worse off.



Didn't love anyone but me,

barely had much leftover for my family.

10 years later,

I am sitting here writing a story of 10 years wasted & drugged.

No solace just plenty of malice.



Found tons of photos in Dropbox tonight.

Stayed up all night so I could delete over 1,000.

By the time morning came,

the pictures left me depleted.

Along with people I've slept with & people I've met along the way.



Does this sound familiar to you?

Can you relate?

How many hearts I've broken,

now I include mine.

Even displayed the third eye in most of the photos.

Can't say I've reached the state of enlightenment.

There wasn't a time when I didn't have a drink or smoke on hand.



A plethora of vanity,

with no sanity sight.

I've pressed delete many times,

and still,

they'll always be stamped pressed in my mind.

Long lost memories.

Now please,

ask yourself how deep have you or will you continue to bury it?

This proved to myself how much I loathe who I used to be.



Externally I may have look happy & healthy.

Internally I was dying from all the mischief.

I believe it started at the age of 12 when I lost my Mother.

With no compassion for others.



WAKE UP!

Ladies & gentlemen,

time flies,

don't let Snapchat lie to you.

You aren't getting any younger,

you could just be getting uglier.

Take it from me,

there is no freedom in social media.

Just more demons,

when we really need more of Jesus.

Hey, do you wanna smoke some dank ****?
Dope, let's get hella blazed then go to Taco Bell.  

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

You don't need it despite what you say.
It needs you to feed it, or else it leaves you defeated.

Why do you think you get hungry afterwards?
Can you honestly say you don't want to save money?
Yeah, me too.
Right now the high is all I want.
Specifically to meet a basic human need, like going to sleep or eating.
Why? Is it addiction or habit? Maybe it's both.

A vicious cycle I was stuck in,
now with people all around me doing the exact same thing.
Insanity.

Our human tendency is to seek comfort in what we know;
rather than forming new habits.
Don't get it twisted, I'm not saying **** hasn't helped people.
The irony is once they have your IDentity you'll always want more.

The fact is legal means quick easy access, all you need is your ID.
There's many natural ways to be High, just take a walk outside.
It's called the Devil's Lettuce for a reason.

Now say it with me,
I am in control now, you don't have control over me anymore.

Beauty isn't everything folks.

Stop letting Estee Lauder, CoverGirl and Sephora define you.

Companies such as these try telling us what beauty is, but it's merely just another exterior pleasure.

Although, we're told differently, and we foolishly believe it wholeheartedly.


Okay, let's take it back for a moment, rewind.

When Adam & Eve were created,
not only were they shamed, they were naked.

"Who told you, you were naked,?" said the Creator.


Now, I ask you same question.

Who told you that you weren't beautiful?

Not to be caked up, overly concerning yourself with vanity.

Oh, look at me, aren't I pretty!


Everyday I see women trying to be everything they're not.

Hate to burst your bubble, but
feminism isn't the solution to the problem.

Face it ladies, you will never receive the attention you deserve, unless you give it yourself first.

I speak from experience.


This feministic agenda tells us we can be "the man."

This isn't true, there is nothing you need to compensate for.

We can be strong and feminine just like our mothers


I believe our Creator came in the flesh, to tell us our beauty is full. BEautiFULL.

Marvelous are HIS works, And that my soul knows very well
- Psalm 139:14