Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
We were about a case deep in the conversation Jerry my
life long amigo and fellow brother in madness were finally catching a buzz.

And much like a chick ya knew after way to many beers
would probaly dance strip cry try to **** you puke and then try to make out with you  after you held her hair.

Jerry Was finally in the zone.
For my normally kinda silent almost creepy serial killer
acting friend when under the influence transformed into
a true brother of Gonzo.

Well aside from his morbid love of REO Speedwagon and Journey.
Dude! if i stopped smokin I could out sing that ******!
Yes if not for being tone deaf and sounding like Bon Jovi beeing mauled  or rapped by a bull or flipper  really whats the diffrence?

Dude idk why people are so uptight on  face book?
I mean just cause i posted my **** on there look it wasnt even hard.
Okay I thought to myself  this ******* tripping  probaly due to the *****  or the mushrooms we stole from his grandma.

Well i replyed to my kinda unsobber Journey listening drunk off your *** **** pic posting short friend.
Gonz it was cold out okay.
Yes amigo point taken.

Im guessing amigo that people when they want to get to know the inner thoughts of a shallow mind really dont wanna read.
Just dicking around rock out with your 3 inch  **** out okay it was  cold out.
that and stop poking the  the next door neighbors daughter
much like this write it's just weird.

True she's just a small town girl but ya gotta stop beliving
open arms and perverted nature are welcome to all
besides she wears a helmet and is 16.
Once ses to me she's not just fahsion foward  but prepared for
for the fall  of the flying monkeys.

Jerry looked deep at me with thoose  hound dog after he took a dump
in your bed sad yet naughty eye's of his .
And finally after some silence said you know Gonz
you truley cut to the heart of the matter and i just farted.

Yes he was a charmer and people wonder why were single?

Just then there arouse such a clatter.
Dr Jerry dropped his lawsuit against extense.
As I posted on twitter does this dress make me look fat
in a question which i only wanted replys from *** admires from
what a girl has needs !  

It's officer Rutherford time!

Answering the door in my trusty school girl uniform minus
the heels cause i was retaining fluid.
What? It's that time of the month you know january get your minds outta the gutter you naughty pennguins you.

Officer Rutherford  where have you been.
I knew my sorta outta my mind and kinda whoreish
way's would bring you back.
But enough with the foreplay children.

Yes even though officer Ruherford's eye's oh **** not this crazy *******
I knew in his heart burned a deep desire  to run like hell
and join to the witness relocation program  just to escape me.

Look John I just gotta serve Jerry okay have ya seen him?
Officer  may I ask you a question.
Like if I say no it stop you. You crazy *******.

Officer would you find this weird if you saw this on facebook?
What the **** it looks like my kids hamster what is that two inches ?
It was cold out okay!
The voice cut through the madness.

Is that Jerry!
If it is will you come in smoke cigars drink brandy while speaking
of summers past.
Shakspere in the park that first love how her hair smelt of
jasmine  and lips tasted of peach.

Officer Rutherford stood much like a man who wished to god
he was anything but a cop  dealing with a drunken perve
right now.

Look **** this I knew i should have been a godammed
hairdresser or a ******* mall cop.
He tore the paper up and sped away gone from my life
without even a kiss dam you cruel world!

Currituck County Cop's  zip  Gonzo 100  
Victory is sweet  yet bitter as a old grandma
you do uhh favors for, For drinks  im just saying times
are tight  and thats about all that is .
Yes I know im going to hell or Indianna really whats the diffrence.

Shutting the door going long for a beer and crashing through
the trailer wall dont worry I didnt spill my beer.
We sat spoke of things only true brothers from other party girl mothers do.

Ya know amigo I really should write about are antics more
often.
Gonz  people would think we were from another dimension.
Or a mental ward btw want cheese  on your roadkill meets
some glowing **** stew?

Hey whats in that *** ?
Umm some  deer  maybe a I dont think a brazlian hamster
maybe fluffy.
****** man stop taking from fluffy she only has two legs left.
That and whatever is in that *** just got out.

After some deep thought  playing guitar hero  and watching
scrambled **** off cable I think thats a **** or a christain.
No it's a elbow dam you Simon Cowell
and your tight black shirts  its just not the same.

The ***** gone  and on the brink of food poisening
and that awkward feeling called being sober
yes I know scary.

It was my time to leave.
Jerry. What the **** ya gonna do tonight?
Gonzo,Probaly puke  for a hour watch **** ,take acid
maybe talk to the wall make out with a random
women that reminds me i must check my traps

It's a shame when they chew there leg off and get away
you gotta love strippers.

Deep in thought or maybe on the verge of passing out
my kinda crazy amigo replyed

You write?


Dedicated  to my real life  brother who's
never read a word ive written.

Jerry Waterfield.
Yes its hard to belive but this is the world of gonzo.
And i truley am crazier in real life.
But remember kids there only be one highlander
and i am the king of crazy and *******.

Be safe  kids always use protection or you could
and up with a crazy ******* like me.
well im not that bad.
I mean im not good  but im kinda fun
ya know ya love me  and i look better on *****
least that's what skeeter tells me.
16 year olds  there some moody *****

You stay crazy kids
Gonzo
MereCat  Oct 2014
Hans Litten
MereCat Oct 2014
I have studied **** Germany
Someone stood and preached to me
All the ‘important’ names
All the ‘important’ dates
I wrote them down like longshore secrets
And debated over them
Like they were the pencil sharpenings
With which I littered the floor
‘Excellent analysis’ she said
I have even stood by the gas chambers
And the gallows
At Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp
And written insensitive poetry about insensitivity
But have I heard of Hans Litten?
Of course I haven’t.
I have stood in the Berlin gestapo office
And formed philosophies that feel more like profanities
Wondering how it can ever be appropriate
To take a school trip to a genocide
But tonight my ‘important’ education
Feels like the greatest atrocity
My guilty ignorance beats almost unbearably
Around my rib-cage
And waits for the shatter and the shards
Because I have never heard of Hans Litten
We all know six million
But who knows the six million?
We remember names that we stored away
Because mentioning them in an essay
Might bring about a higher grade
Displaying ‘a highly developed and complex level of understanding’
We remember names like we remember shopping lists
Or science lessons;
A few particular points
No attachment necessary
In fact, clinical detachment is far more becoming
When it comes to essay questions
They never told us about Hans Litten
Or about the men who also ran in the race to be in history books
Or about their mothers
And their fathers
And the people they shared cells with
And the people they shared graves with
My God, they never told us about Hans Litten
And Hans Litten is better known
Than most of those phantom dead
Those cracked-open voices that dared to raise
Until they were too loud for anything but the conveyer-belt
Concentration Camp system.
And the thing is that six million is not such a big number anymore
Because there are 49,506,514 views of Simon Cowell crying
And nearly 300 million of One Direction singing a song which is not so beautiful after all
And people are so desensitized to the number six million
That they believe that the world
Would not have enough **** in it
Without them posting hatred after obscenity after hatred in the YouTube comments
And Hans Litten, I can’t help feeling that I’ve failed you
My generation could tell you the private lives of their idols
But would not know your name
And we will still pour into school on Monday morning
And chorus our tireless fatigue and our lack of motivation for life
And I will still pour into school on Monday morning
And let myself complain and moan and grapple for sympathy.
I’ve acquired this abstracted self-loathing recently
That is less a hatred of myself than a hatred of what I have made of myself
Of my ingratitude and self-centred inability
To compose poems that do not start and end with Me
And of my procrastination and my ceaseless desire
To live something other than the life I’ve been given
Like I asked for extra cheese and got given Margharita
****.
I’m insufferable.
Hans Litten your list of injuries was ten times longer
than the list of all the wrongs I’ve had done against me.
Last night I went to watch a play called Taken At Midnight... it's about Hans Litten, in case you hadn't guessed... it tore me to shreds and then made whatever was left of me want to be ripped up too.

It is brilliant.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/theatre/theatre-reviews/11138692/Taken-at-Midnight-Chichester-Festival-Theatre-review-harrowing.html
kyle Shirley Feb 2015
If you are reading this, they found me dead... im sorry. I did not take my own life, I had a terrible accident, in which iv lost my best friends, mom and dad, and the boy in which ill never meet... his name is steven jr. I died at a short lived life at 19. My mother and father will eventually forgive me for leaving. I didnt mean to leave my best friend, Robert,  alone when he needs me the most. I hope he will understand. As I watch over him and his loving son, who cares very much about him. iv been dead for 22 years now. And not a day goes by I wish I could be there for my friends and family when they begged me to come back and help them. To see my son who will never know me like I know him....

To steve.
Steve iv herd so much about you all my life, my middle name is named after you. My father, rob, misses you greatly. Hes sick... and alone. Not well in his head and im afraid that my help isnt enough anymore. He asked for you today. Your help, although I have never met you I feel I know you, from how highly dad talked about you and smiles at your memory. I hope writing this down somehow helps me help him. If hes lost, im lost. Hes suffering, he tells me he died 22 years ago inside when his hopes and dreams died. He now is empty and walks aimlessly day to day till the rest of him dies... I know he stays here because Iv Asked him to, he cant leave. Not yet, he needs to be there for my children, my wedding, he needs to be part of it, or ill have died inside too. And ill walk in fathers foot steps traveling day to day as a zombie. Help me,

Steve cowell.

Steve cowell died at age 19 in a car crash. Died on site. Moments after leaving my father Robert who was his best friend. Dad takes it on himself thinking if he had stayed longer steve would still be here.
We will never know.
It's been 22 years since he was forgotten by the world, but to the people he touched. He is still misses. "A brother he was" - robert said. Dad was an only child, and god blessed him with a friend closer then blood. He left his left as quickly as he came in, "life is a river, you will meet up qith him again when your travels get you to end" - kyle. Roberts son.
In my office me and Gonzo waited speaking on deep issues
with no true meaning as usual.
*******'s heart had been broken for Drew had   left him a beaten and
love bitten  luchador slash attorney.

Senior Gonzo speaking endlessly to the hat rack had reminded me why
I never  dropped acid anymore.
Poor gonzo had just been served with divorce papers  to which
his only response was ****** amigo  i never knew i was married.


As his attorney  i belived a trip to mexico was outta the question for i had just got back do to some well a misunderstanding  its legal
jargin you  couldnt possibly understand.

His deadline was near  and without my solid advise this man wouldnt be able to pull it off  so being we had been in the bar for more than
eight hours  we decided to make a exit through the  mens room window.


Front doors are over rated.
In my legal office slash camper  hey eveyone starts somewhere
okay.
  I was reminded of my  loved hellcat Drew
she had left many items here a satanic bible  her  boil cream.
how I did mis rubbing her webbed toes.

How was i to work Gonzo was a mess hidding under the table
so the ginger bread people couldnt find him
and return him to there  bitter talentless leader
Kate Perry  i swear if you stab me one more time senior  gonzo
with that fork in my maracas im going to get medevile on your ***

Oh how i missed my tag team partner drew.
i should never have introduced her el man donkey who
resist such a uhh personallity.

But now here I  sit with a madman under my table tripping his
***** off   insisting  I contact Simon Cowell  to inform him
man ******  are so yesterday.

If only I had gotten the Lindsy Lohan case  I would finally have gotten my brake or maybe just a std.
Oh well theres always hope Mel Gibson  will need me.
The road warrior was a true classico  and he seemed so well
balanced compared to my   reallity challenged  cilent.

Remember kids if ever  you have a chance to trip with senior Gonzo
its probaly best you hide all sharp objects.
adios  *******
el ******* is always availible for quick and honest legal advise
i except all major credit cards and  will take trade as well
******* loves you all  just like  sisters  even the men to
adios
Big Virge Aug 2018
WHO ....
Do you ... " Trust " ... ???
and ... Who are your mates ... ???

cos' people these days ...
MOSTLY ... are Two Faced ... !!!

They .....
Talk with you ...
Like Everything's ... " COOL " ...
But ...
Watch Them .... CLOSE .... !!!

You May Get ... FOOLED ... !?!

I've Fallen .. FOUL ...
of ... " Fiendish " ... Cows ...
Who've tried ... Their BEST to ......

Bring Me .... "down" .... !!!

But I'm ... STILL HERE ...
while they ... STILL CLOWN ...

TRYING ... to judge ...
Like ... Simon Cowell ... !!!!!

I'm ... NO JUDGE ...
and DON'T Wear ... Cuffs ... !!!
But ... Two Faced Liars ...
WILL GET ... Touched ...
by words I ... Write ...
That ... HUFF and PUFF ...
and EXPOSE ... Those ...
Made of ... FAKE STUFF ... !!!!!

So ...
DON'T ACT ... " Tough " ... !!!
If You DON"T WEAR ... " Glove " ... !!!

I'm the ...

" Lord of The Rings " ...
WITHOUT ...................................... Gandalf ....... !!!!!

Guys Tell ... LIES ...
DON'T Be ... Surprised ...

They Normally have ....
A ... " Two Faced Wife " ... !!!

"under" ... The covers ...
They LIE to ... Each Other ... ?!?

HOPING ... Their Fraud ...
Will NOT Be ... UNCOVERED ... !!!

But ..
Big Brother's ... WATCHING ...

Check Out Channel 4 ...
That's where we ... NOW SEE ...
These TWO FACED ... Female ****** ... !!!!!
Who will ... LIE Their *** Off ...
To STOP being ... " Poor " ... !!!!

THIS ....
Is An ..... " ACT " ....
Two Faced People ... PERFORM ... !!!

Now That's JUST ... " TV " ...
But This IS Now The ... NORM ... !?!

From Work ...
to the ... Pub ...

to ....
This Thing We Call .... " LOVE " ....

These Days We NEED ... " Guidance " ...
From WAY UP ..... ABOVE ..... !!!!!

These LIARS ...
DEFY Us ...
By GAINING ... FALSE Trust ... !!!

But ...
CAN'T STAND ... The Heat ...
When Their Ways are ... Discussed ... ?!?

"What did she tell you ?"

"YEAH, what did he say ?"

"He said you're a ****** !"

"He said I was gay ?"

It takes one to know one !"

"Wait what did you say ?"

"You may have a girl,
that don't mean you're not gay !"

These are ... " Examples " ...
of those who ... DISPLAY ...

A Level of ... FAKENESS' ...
In ... MULTIPLE Ways ... !!!!

So WHO ... Amongst you ...
is Simply ... LIVING PROOF ...

That Humans tell ... LIES ...
MORE THAN They tell ... truth ... !!!

I'm Trying to ... Show You ...
to have some ... " Good Taste " ...
Before you ... "Embrace" ...
Someone who's ... TWO FACED ... !!!!!

cos' These Days ... These People ...
Are in ..... EVERYPLACE ...... !!!!!!

From Houses that ... GOVERN ...
to places where people ...
CLAIM ... " Poetic Grace " ... !!!

Some Poets are ... LIARS ...
Who NEED TO .... " Retire " ....

It's Simply ... MY VIEW ...
I May Not mean ... YOU ... ?!?

DON'T Get it ... " ConfuSEd " ... !!!
or ... Try to be ... SMART ...

In The End ...
Time will ... TELL ...
Who speaks TRUTH ...
Through Their ... ART ... !!!

cos' LIES Will Be ... OUTED ...
By ME ... The NEW ... " Shaft " ... !!!

A Brother who's ... COOL ...
and Building My ... CRAFT ... !!!

Don't Think that i'm scared ... !!!

I'm ALWAYS ... Prepared ...
to ... Back UP ... My Words ...
with ACTIONS ... BEWARE ... !!!!!

I'll take you to places ...
Where Eagles ... DON'T DARE ... !!!!!

I'm writing ... Like THIS ...
to Prove i've got ... GIFTS ...
and DISMISS These .............................................................. This FAKE People ...
who speak with a ..... Hissssssss........... !!!!!!

and SLITHER ...
Like ... SNAKES ...

The TRUTH They ........................................................... Forsake ... !!!

and These Are ...
The People ... You KNOW are ...

............. " Two Faced " ...........
I've dealt with so many in my lifetime, that it made sense to write about em' .......
This is a short story that was written for a contest  'Magic with a cliffhanger'


The young magician had waited all day for his audition on Britain’s Got Talent.

He arrived at the concert hall in London at 7am, even though the doors did not open until 9am. Being two hours early however did not put him at the front of the queue, and the smile of anticipation turned into a scowl when he saw the crowd around the entrance. Hundreds of contestants, both young and old, and boy did they look weird.

Jimmy came from a normal family, and lived in a normal street with other normal people. Looking at this group of strangely dresses misfits, normal did not have any part in their lives.

His first inclination had been to turn away and get the bus back home, but his determination to show his true talent to the obnoxious Simon Cowell helped him overcome his disgust at what he saw in front of him.

He forced himself to join the disorganised mob that he deemed an excuse for a queue and after a few minutes, he found himself wedged between an overweight middle-aged woman and an extremely tall teenager. The woman wore a bright yellow suit with red buttons, and volunteered the information that she had always wanted to run away to the circus to become a clown. Jimmy nodded and gave her a weak smile, a smile that masked his silent opinion that the woman was crazy. Fortunately, the tall teenager kept his ambitions to himself, though the fact he wore a frogman’s outfit did have Jimmy wondering.

When the doors opened a man holding a megaphone came out and bellowed a welcome to the rabble, and he tried to create some sort of order to the aforementioned queue. His attempt failed and as that was the last Jimmy heard of him, he could only assume the man went down at the weight of the pressing mob.

Eventually Jimmy obtained a ticket with the number 304 written on it in bold felt-tipped pen. “304” thought Jimmy, “three hundred and ruddy four, I'll be here hours”.

And it did take hours, hours of purgatory before his number came to the top of the list, hours surrounded by the strangest and most pathetic people that Jimmy had ever met.
Minutes later introductions were made to the two grinning imbeciles that he had seen many times before on the television screen on what seemed like every Saturday evening since he had been born. Suddenly there was a camera in his face as they asked him about props and music. Jimmy shook his head and answered the smiling duo, “I don’t need anything, just my wand and this black cloth”

Ant and Dec ushered the young magician onto the stage.

Jimmy was momentarily stunned at the size of the audience, and more so at the noise they made.

Pulling his thoughts together and taking a deep breath Jimmy walked to the centre of the stage and stood in front of the microphone.

“Hello, what’s your name?” asked one of the female judges.

“My name is Jimmy,” answered the young magician.

“And what are you going to do for us today?”

“I am going to make Simon disappear”

The crowd roared with laughter, the noise was quite overwhelming and Jimmy stepped back a few feet feeling quite dizzy.

Simon Cowell got to his feet waving his hands at the audience and spoke to Jimmy.

“OK, young Merlin, it seems like this unruly mob want to see your trick. Do you want me to come on stage, or are you going to magic me away from there”.

Jimmy regained his composure when he heard Simon’s pleasant voice, and saw his beaming smile.

“Can you come up here please,” said Jimmy.

Simon walked up the steps onto the stage and stood before Jimmy.

Jimmy unfolded the black cloth that he had been holding, it became bigger and bigger as it unfolded and the crowd roared with yet more laughter.

The young magician asked Simon to cover himself in the cloth, which he did without objection.

The crowd roared some more as they heard Simon shout out. “Hurry up Jimmy, I can’t see anything from under this cloth, and I'm scared of the dark”.

Jimmy took out his wand and waved it around while he mumbled a few well-chosen mystical words.

“Hubble, bubble, away from here, obnoxious Simon disappear”

Jimmy tapped the black cloth that was completely covering the self-professed “biggest man in show business”.

The black cloth crumpled to the stage in a small pile as the cheers and screams grew louder as the audience witnessed the disappearance of Simon.

Jimmy knelt down and refolded the black cloth as Ant and Dec strolled onto the stage both clapping in unison.

“Brilliant,” said Ant.

“Where is he”, said Dec.

“Gone” replied Jimmy...

as he walked off stage.
This is a short story that was written for a contest  'Magic with a cliffhanger'
Sort of in a way
Where I'm not quite sure
And your hunger drives me insane
When I could starve myself the same.

I forget that you please me
In split seconds of frustration
And I wonder who you are
Like I don't already know.
Zulu Samperfas May 2013
Most breeze through the Boardwalk Big Dipper Bling
Ocean Street Sleeze, and a walk on Cowell Beach and say
I've seen it all, that's Santa Cruz, as they cruise off on highway 1
or crash into the barriers or 17 but that's not all, at all
I love Santa Cruz on a bright sunny day in May as I
gorge on the Indian vegetarian buffet, available all day, by the way
And check out the O'Niel sidewalk sale, and then past the sweaty crowds in front
of the Cineplex and the sign in the window display at Camouflage that reminds:
May is National ******* Month, are you doing your part?
and at Pergolesi a homemade sign says "friends don't let friends drink Starbucks"
and there are two art house cinemas within 200 yards of each other
and there are lesbians holding hands and homeless people breathing the fresh air
with their shelter pets and I feel free
like anything can happen here, even me

— The End —