The story of the year 235
The year of Kris Kringle the
Right wing Santa Claus


You see in the old town of Dublin
Back in the 200s there lived the Kringle family who were the crankiest family of all, with father
Donald and mother trish and
Two boys Lionel and kris
And Kris Kringle was the one who really wanted his father to respect his views and Donald told kris
That he had bogus views that only
Rich people would like, like at the age of 4 Kris Kringle was trying to plant money in the garden hoping
A money tree would grow and Donald trish and Lionel all laughed
At him saying you are a total loser
And you will never get what you want and years and years went by
And at the ripe age of 16, Kris Kringle wanted to leave his left leaning family and decided to squat
On the lawns of the country club
Saying this is where I will end up
Saying that I can get away from those poor bank robbers and
Enjoy country club life, and this country club has big Christmas concerts and chess tournaments
Boxing bouts and Kris Kringle
Was the winner of 56 tournaments
In that country club, they also
Brought bands from all walks if life
Kris Kringle was on cloud 9, thinking
That people who don't want to go to this country club are idiots
And Kris Kringle after several roles
Of playing Santa at Christmas concerts, he had these visions of
Throwing lollies and chocolate bars
Into the audience and the country
Club crowd were very happy and
Kris Kringle had other ways of making fun at Christmas like
Giving a big cake and have pretty women come out of it and kris
Kringle was on cloud 9 but at the age of 26 when Kris Kringle was moving into the villas in the country
Club a gang of train robbers were on their way to rob one of Ireland's famous old time trains and abducted Kris Kringle and made him a hand in
Robbing this train and Kris Kringle was in no right mind to tell these robbers off, so he just kept his big mouth flaming shut and when they arrived at the old 200 century train
Station Kris Kringle was forced to look as he is the ring leader and
Thru robbed the train and then
5 days later Kris Kringle was a arrested and sentenced for 35 years
In Australia which used to be a convict colony and Kris Kringle
Decided to spread Christmas cheer
For everyone on the island and
He parked himself a home in
What we now know as Adelaide
And his house is where Rundle mall
Is currently sitting and Kris Kringle
Got a stage coach every Christmas
And with 3 brumbies puliing on the reign delivering presents to everyone
On the island and it took 7& hours
To deliver these presents and when
Kris Kringle returned he dropped off at the beach we now know as glenelg beach and was there for the official opening of the glenelg surf club and Kris Kringle did this each year for his 35 year sentence and
The people on the terra Australis island didn't want Kris Kringle to go back to Ireland so they killed him
By hiring a truck and running kris
Kringle down saying we are keeping your spirit with us kris and
Every Christmas that Kris Kringle
Was delivering presents ya know
34 years he delivered presents to
People on this island, Kris Kringle's body was buried where Rundle mall
Is today and his spirit really makes
Adelaide come alive in the credit union Christmas pageant
Kris Kringle lives forever
I was Kris Kringle


Sent from my iPhone

Jingle, jingle, Mr. Kringle
Please drop by my house.
Don’t miss it like you did last year
Don’t be that seasonal louse
That brought cheesy kinds of toys
From the local dollar store
We shopped there all the time
So we had seen them before.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful
But Action Tommy is not the same
As GI Joe. Between the two there’s
More difference than the name.
And Lego blocks fit together
To build some amazing things
Those copycat toys from Taiwan
Do not build much of anything.

Jingle, Jingle, Mr. Kringle
If you are real, please heed.
None of those toys and junk
Is really what we need.
It would be better if you could
Bring a job for my poor Dad.
Make it better than minimum, like
The one he most recently had.

And maybe a raise for Mom
Who works a full time job too.
Would a dollar an hour be such
An earth-shaking thing to see to?
So, just in general, Kringle dude,
If it wouldn’t make you awful mad
Could you twitch your nose and
Make this Christmas not be sad?

The name is Kringle
But so few know
When I'm working I use my other name
Where I almost glow in the dark
Such joy I spread
But I've never let it go to my head
I work year round except the the first two weeks of the New Year
I'm exhausted from the deliveries
Amazon, have no fear
But I'll keep it up, been doing it so long
Christmas would not be Christmas without me rolling along
I need to clear something up, that false story
I never kissed any mommy; got Mrs. Santa to satisfy me
To surprise me with presents on Christmas Day
After the reindeer are settled
We have schnapps and then we play.

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Saturday Saturn and Santa Clause Satan







Captain Crunch Kringle and Krampus cry madchen.
Bed sitter seniors sit back and lament.
Another day's Christmas ducats mis-spent.
When the log scrapes,
When the door bleeds,
When you hate your Dad.
Remember that you just might run out of food.
And that would beeee,
quite bad.

Christmas.... ugh
Isn't this a perplexing situation?
I have an interesting question...
First, I know this poem is not perfection
But does any one know what it's like
To be utterly alone on what's supposed to be
A most joyous day, surrounded by friends and family?
That annoying cherubic man
Won't be visiting my home
It's just an idiotic holiday
And no one cares I'll be alone
No homemade Christmas dinner
I might make myself a grade A steak
I'll raise a toast to myself
Nothing to boast about
Probably just whiskey, bottom shelf
I immense-ly hate Christmas
Say I'm dense-ly, I don't care
Been that way as long as I can remember
From the makeshift tree, when I was three
To being stuck homeless in a snow drift at sixteen
I can count all the "merry Christmas's" I've received
On one hand
It's never been merry, or happy
Most I got was engorged on stuffing
And a poorly cooked, dried out Turkey
No presents under the tree
With a gift tag saying Melanie


You know what? Sorry Quin,
but this is too **** depressing...
I quit...

Tequila, Velveeta
Distant, instant
Solemn, Gollum
Under-wear, I don't care
Tiny, finely
Flightless, loneliness
Hindrance, appliance
Backward, forward
Orange, purge
Rooftop, please stop
Kringle, Pringles

Ha! Invitations?
No...
Salutations...

Father Christmas, Pere Noel
People know him just as well
Santa Claus, St. Nicholas too
I know him by all of these...do you?

No matter where you come from
No matter where you go
No matter what folks call him
He's a figure we all know

Dressed in red, or white or blue
Beard of white, big old sack
We know him by so many things
And if you're good he will come back

Whether filling stockings up
Or filling up your wooden shoes
Santa comes on Christmas Eve
And takes away your Christmas blues

Father Christmas, Pere Noel
People know him just as well
Santa Claus, St. Nicholas too
I know him by all of these...do you?

Noel Baba, or Kris Kringle
He can make those sleigh bells jingle
San Niklaw or Babbo Natale
The rat pack all loved him pally!

Do you know him as a skinny man ?
Or is he round and jolly ?
It doesn't matter much to me
It's all mistletoe and holly

Father Christmas, Pere Noel
People know him just as well
Santa Claus, St. Nicholas too
I know him by all of these...do you?

He helps make Christmas what it is
Although the season isn't his
Don't forget the holy side
Just let your heart act as your guide

Pay it forward, pay it back
Remember Santa and his sack
Do unto others as you'd have done
And pay respects to God's son

Father Christmas, Pere Noel
People know him just as well
Santa Claus, St. Nicholas too
I know him by all of these...do you?

YOU SEE I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING TREATED LIKE AN ANIMAL, AND I REMEMBER BACK IN THE 1930s, WHEN I WAS

BARNEY THE DOG, YA SEE I JUMPED AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE, AND ROLLING AROUND ALL OVER THE

LAWN, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, YA SEE I AM GETTING VISIONS, OF ME AS BARNEY THE DOG, AND

I REMEMBER CHARLIE CHAPLIN PATTED ME ON THE HEAD, AND I BIT HIM SOMETHING FIERCE

AND CHARLIE CHAPLIN WASN’T IMPRESSED ONE LITTLE BIT, SO FROM THAT MOMENT, KRIS KRINGLE

DECIDED TO HAASLE CRONUS’S SPIRIT WHICH IS ME, AND I REMEMBERED JUMPING ALL

OVER EVERYONE, BUT I MAULED LITTLE KIDS AND CATS AND OTHER DOGS, AND I AM HAVING TROUBLE BATTLING

THIS VOICE TONIGHT, AS BUDDHA IS LIFTING BARNEY THE DOG UP, AND THEN DROPPING, YA SEE

MY OWNERS BACK THEN, REALLY HATED MY VIOLENT OUTBURSTS, AND I BARKED VERY FIERCELY BACK

AND I MADE MY OWNER REALLY SCARED OF ME.

I REALLY LOVED RUNNING ON THE BEACH IN MIAMI, YEAH IN THE 30s, MIAMI BEACH WAS BUSIER THAN

TODAY, I RAN DOWN AND I MAULED A KID, ON THIS BEACH AND MY OWNER GOT INTO  TROUBLE

CAUSE, DESPITE THE KID NOT DYING, HE HAD FRACTURES IN HIS HANDS, AND I VISION

OF ME PLAYING OUT ON THE FRONT DOOR, BUT I AM TRYING TO IGNORE THAT VOICE

ONLY BECAUSE, I AM NOT BARNEY THE DOG NO MORE, I REMEMBER GOING TO THE

LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL, AND I TRAPPED 3 KIDS IN THE BASEBALL SHED, 2 KIDS GOT OUT

BUT 1 KID WAS MAULED BY ME, BARNEY THE DOG, I FIRST STARTED GROWLING AT THE KID

THEN I KILLED HIM, WHICH MADE ME VERY HUNGRY FOR MORE, BUT AFTER MY OWNER HEARD

DESPITE OF WHAT HE SAID, WANTED TO KEEP ME UNDER LOCK AND KEY, HOPING IT WILL

REFORM THE SAVAGE BEAST IN MYSELF, I REALLY DON’T APPRECIATE BEING TREATED LIKE AN

ANIMAL, I AM A HUMAN BEING, NOW, BUT BRIAN ALLAN, WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO EXPLAIN

ABOUT HIS PREVIOUS LIVES, AND TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM, TO HELP THE POOR PEOPLE

I DON’T APPRECIATE BEING TREATED LIKE MY CAT EITHER, CAUSE I WAS RUBUX THE CAT

AND THAT CAT NEVER SLEPT, AFTER I WAS GREAME THORNE AND PATRICK DUNBAR BOTH

KIDNAPPED AND KILLED AT THE AGE OF 8, THEN I WAS RUBUX THE CAT, BUT I WAS A REALLY LOUD

NON FAMILY LOVING CAT, CAUSE MY COSMIC ENERGY, WAS HELPING CRONUS, DESTROY THE

SPIRIT OF STEVEN BRADLEY AS WELL AS THAT CRAZY WITCH DOCTOR, RUBUX WAS ALSO

A VERY HUNGRY CAT, HE ATE 5 TINS A NIGHT, AND THE OWNERS, WERE POOR AND STRUGGLING,

THEY CAN BARELY LOOK AFTER THEMSELVES LET ALONE A CAT, AND THEN RUBUX WAS RUN OVER BY A GROUP

OF KIDS SAYING, RUN HIM OVER, RUN HIM OVER, RUN HIM OVER, PRETTY MUCH WHERE I GOT THAT

STUPID VOICE, OF KIDS SAYING RUN HIM OVER, I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ANIMAL, I AM A HUMAN BEING

I COULD BE DOG WITH A BLOG, BUT I THINK THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT I DO ON

AAA YOUTUBE TV OR AARON CLAYTON, PLEASE STOP TREATING ME LIKE AN ANIMAL, I KNOW

BARNEY THE DOG WAS BAD, BUT KIDS MADE RUBUX PAY FOR WHAT BARNEY DID, I DON’T WANT TO BE A COOL KID

TO THE BED COVERS YOUNG DUDES, TONIGHT I FEEL LIKE A N ANIMAL, SO I WROTE IT OUT OF ME

CAUSE I AM A PERSON A VERY NICE PERSON

I WANT TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY

BARNEY DOESN’T REALISE HE RUINED CRONUS’S GOOD NAME

BUT HE WAS A DOG, OH YEAH HE PUT OTHER GERMAN SHEPHERDS TO SHAME

I AM NO ANIMAL, BARNEY AND RUBUX, WERE MY LAST CRACKS, THE KIDS KILLED RUBUX, BRIAN

ALLAN WAS BATTLING WITH DAD SAYING LEAVE MY SON ALONE, BRIAN IS A COOL KID

LIKE ALL KIDS, I THOUGHT, I HATE BEING A COOL KID TO DAD, BUT I LIKE DOING THINGS THOUGH

MY COOL KID, IS WATCHING FOOTY, MY BROTHERS WAS PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS

OK THAT IS THIS LIFE, BUT FOR RUBUX AND BARNEY, THEY HAD STUPID OWNERS

RUBUX’S OWNERS WERE SO DEVASTATED, WHEN RUBUX DIED, THEY TOOK THE KIDS TO COURT

GOT $ 1-000-000 IN COLD HARD CASH

AND BOUGHT A HOUSE IN MIAMI AND WENT TO WOODSTOCK IN 1969

AND BRIAN KNEW THIS, CAUSE I USED MY SPIRIT OF RUBUX THROUGH CRONUS TO WATCH THAT

THEY ENJOY THEMSELVES, IN THEIR NEW HOME IN MIAMI

Sleezy Santa
drinking honey flavored
Jack,
straight from the bottle.
Ruining your Childhood
one large gulp at a time.
Chasing it with
Natural Light.
Oh the weather outside is frightful.
***** snow falling on
a ***** town.
The only way that drunkard got on the roof
is through liquid courage.
That **** is slippery
and one misstep means
** ** Hospital
for Jolly ole St. Nick.
The holiday season would be thrown through a loop
with Kris Kringle stuck in a coma.
Mrs. Claus is filling the papers for sole custody of the elves.
Happy Holidays.

Gilded cage so small and tiny
Even singing comes out whiny
Stinking of fake fresh and piney
Tis the season
Leaking water warm and briny
With good reason

Christmas cheer and glasses toast
Loved ones smile and laugh and boast
I sit perched upon my post
A tinsled column
Invisible reluctant host
A heart that's solemn

A longing for a love so distant
The melancholy is persistent
A smile could erase it in an instant
On a face cherubic
For my heart is not resistent
It's theraputic

So that smile that is perfection
Is mirrored in my own reflection
Without a thought about rejection
Hallucinations
About the subtlest inflection
In Salutations

Surrounded by the merrily intense
With drunkard tendencies immense
A bar with all accoutrements
They pound tequila
Drinking away the sacraments
Oh yes, I feel ya

Merry time with old Kris Kringle
Guests all lubed enough to mingle
Mistletoe hangs and sleigh bells jingle
Gifts homemade
Tables adourned and glasses tingle
Gold brocade

Still I sit all caged and flightless
Blind to joy all sad and sightless
Drink could make it hurt a mite less
I'm going backward
Laying here all limp and lifeless
Broke and fractured

Surrounded by the fake and vexing
Artificial and quite perplexing
Reality they are rejecting
The devil may care
Bellies bare and muscles flexing
Lost underwear

So ******* dancing to the jukebox
Lost alone here in the boondocks
There is no snow upon the rooftops
Ahead they forge
Find a room before that thing pops
It's so engorged

Neighbor ***** all dressed in orange
Wearing gold to make the poor cringe
Stripping time to fill her syringe
I'll be her hinderance
Still too drunk from her last binge
Faulty remembrance

Ridding riff raff from the party
People still drunk on Bacardi
Noxious gasses burp and farty
With toilets makeshift
Worn out makeup on the smarty
She needs a facelift

Time to let the people go
Too tired to keep watching the show
Drinking hard and walking slow
Verbose yet listless
Honey I don't want to know
It's not my business

Fixed on salad ******* armpit ****
Passionate diaper ***** dodging queefs
**** fat farts and **** sipping
Squiggly nips dangling from a pig
coffee spitting ***** kids with sticks
sticking sticky ***** in **** like a *****
*** cream pageant queens spewing ****
Chris Kringle's candy cane **** tip dripping on lips
sweet **** water for your daughter
******* to Aaron Carter
**** the rest
I'm all out of ******* to step on
best be getting home to *** on my own chest
test the taste and throw out the rest
I tickle my intestines till I **** out hot stew
putrid black goo with nut chunks and fiber skins
stretching ball skin over my **** rim till it's all one
sack
use bread and sauce from a snack pack to make a sack
sandwich
hold the lettuce between my cheeks and toss my own salad
picturing *** ramming ***** spewing out tasty *****
gluey pools of chlorine smelling salty bliss
I picture gargling ***** while lesbians crawl all over me
vibrating fake skin ***** deep in my **** cave
if you misbehave I'll rip off your face while I squeeze your
**** in my teeth and make you sit on my face after you clean
your *** crease bleached and sweet

Trying to figure out why a ***** tried to stunt on me.
While my homie fronts on me.
Triggered lie’s blasting out like bullets into your chest, golly!
Vigor dying whilst family crying that left me locked up now in a little celly.
Why did I pour out my heart to that ***** named shelly?
**** got me melancholy, casting out poxy curses.
My proxy is dropping down which got me feeling worthless.
Growing up in projects where one survives by snatching purses and killing snitches.
While society bides their time by tying nooses.
Rigged games yet we are told to give no excuses.
So, a minority got no choice but to role with the punches.
But with darker skin colour most don’t or won’t notice the bruises.
Vile nobility just loves hunting gooses.
Stark contrast idly confides and resides Inside institutionalized nuances.
Some people can be such nuisances.
Got me feeling like tony roaming through the different cosmoses.
Lonely sinking feeling, with my hope which was once flickering but is now slowly fleeting.
Reciprocal tensions pokes through my barriers like an unwelcomed greeting.
Typical tropes of under-achieving maybe it’s time I let God start intervening?
However, I’m doubtful on whether spirituality is real or nothing more than Kris Kringle.
Jingling jester choirs who always be harping on my people.
Which makes me ponder whether or not God’s supposed love is fickle.
Or if supposed believer’s have actually ever read the bible?
Religious pharisee’s not seeing the irony of praying to their falsified idols.
With their heads so far up their own ***. That they don’t even realize that they’ve actually been worshipping the devil.