Am I a fool for believing in love
or am I just Me trying to strive
Eitherway a beast awakened
Eitherway I felt the pain
Oh I've been asking, Dear Lord
*If love is cheap then why can't I afford?

Amongst the crowd, I blaze it across and up
Down the middle, a mechanically knit hug
With its broken handle
And popping arm crossstiches
To fasten the shame
To hide the tears inside me
That have not evaporated

In my jacket, I am me
3XL and slowly dying
Of a death that no one knows
Or a change that could end the world's colds
No one knows because no one knows care

Eitherway, the fantasy *****
So for reality, I conform
And learn to hide
My curves that have been
Rolled against the mud I never wanted
Shot into the toilet that the water dwelled in stench
Bruised in the way of another but never for a child. Brutal for a teenager

Because love was tailor made
For someone else
Time was made to order
For the busy and no time for me
Because friends beat you up
For being a giant that doesnt fight back

Locked secrets
A past and a pension
Within my body
That I am willing
I am so wishing
To be a shadow
In my black jacket
A face not from the many
But being trampled on the floor
Yet phasing through
Like the timeless, like a ghost
Seldom gone but never present

You cannot die on me,
Let us dive right into your fears.

You cannot die on me,
I cannot save who does not cry for help.

You cannot die on me,
I have not even touched you yet.

You cannot die on me,
It is the good part you will miss.

You cannot die on me,
My fins and tail cannot be with no owner.

You cannot die on me,
This is my sea, I will let us both breathe.

You cannot die on me,
I have turned into your life vest.

You cannot die on me,
I will follow you eitherway.

You cannot die on me,
I will not give up this daydream.

You cannot die on me,
I have stayed alive for you.

An I without me?
Well it could possibly
Be this minus a personality

For if not here yet I be
Maybe then I shall see
What it is to be an I without me

"But I am here!" I do say
"I can hear me when I say"
"There is no I without me"

Well honestly
It is kind of tricky
Now you are the me
and the listener,
Well, that makes 3!

"An I without me!?
Surely that cannot be!
Unless you and me is a we!"

That does not matter
For eitherway
As all of you me's fade away
What is left is not to see
But rarther all that can be
As the one between
You and Me.

they tell me repeatedly
we only help the wound grow
by licking it again and again

it doesn't heal like that

they also tell me I must accept
what I feel about you
and then forgive you!

it makes things better, they say

what they don't explain, however,
is why I haven't got another option?
and how long am I supposed to wait eitherway
when I have already tried everything?

am I supposed to wait even?

Obliterated!; all that remains is a blank slate.
Unfeeling, uncaring but somehow still living in a fearful state
The pit in my stomach falls deeper with every breath.
Each breath harder to take as each memory is wiped away.
Delete every dream and want, they're a waste.
Destroy every hope and make sure you know your "destined" fate.
Delete every touch and kiss with haste.
You don't want to but it'll be done eitherway.
It used to be subconscious, now it's taken on a life of its own, sentient.
No longer dependent; it takes everything away.
My mind is no longer my own; my control and life slowly washed away.