i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.

The décor of a half-set sunset;
the blowing wind whistling
witless tunes, the river of life
well-rested like a fed fish
Or maybe dead. Lifeless
The rustling of leaves sets
against her whimpering voice
The background of the end
is the end of the day;
the end of movement,
Their lifetime

If only we could have seen
the way we would become
years after that first
night
when we only saw each other.
Making love
Silently
Innocent souls
intelligibly linked
Speaking without words
A look, sweet caress,
Warm touch
An abyss of unity;
Bliss.
Shh! Don’t speak.

How inconspicuous and slow
the descent into
Vice.
Mutual passion silently transformed into
sly betrayal
Envy, Jealously, Greed  
My weapons distilling your desire.
Surrender to my body.
Don’t speak.
Falling, falling,
Two souls grazing the inferno

Damaged now
but we can’t go back
Too late to talk.
Silence is King.
Imagine
Our deepest selves metamorphosized
  into words!
Thought exposed
Can you imagine?
No, no I cannot
Sacrifice the last part of myself
  you didn’t take.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Growing a crush
Involves squishing, crunching
The heart
To hold back giant feelings

Falling in love
Is crashing face first into the pavement
Off the cliff of a mountain
Hoping someone catches the fall

i think
no, i don't wanna think
i feel
a bit disappointed
it's real
no, but it's not my fault
i think